{"id":14137,"date":"2008-01-05T09:30:17","date_gmt":"2008-01-05T14:30:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thecarpetbaggerreport.com\/archives\/14137.html"},"modified":"2008-01-05T09:30:17","modified_gmt":"2008-01-05T14:30:17","slug":"please-go-away-alan-keyes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/please-go-away-alan-keyes\/","title":{"rendered":"Please go away, Alan Keyes"},"content":{"rendered":"

Guest Post by Morbo<\/a><\/p>\n

You might have noticed that Alan Keyes did not win the Iowa caucuses. <\/p>\n

I was pretty surprised. After all, in late December I received a special message from Keyes himself assuring me that his campaign was on fire. It looked like a lock.<\/p>\n

Why I am I getting messages from Alan Keyes? I’ve mentioned before that I signed up with some kook right organizations just to see their e-mail alerts. Even though these groups always promise they won’t provide your info to anyone else, they lie and do just that. One of them gave my address to the Keyes campaign, and now I’m getting messages from that nut.<\/p>\n

I’m not complaining. They are entertaining messages that enable me to take a rare peek into the mind of a seriously disturbed individual and the few deluded souls who follow him.<\/p>\n

A recent fund-raising appeal carried the subject line, “Alan Keyes Breaks Out in National Polls.” Inside it read:<\/p>\n

This week, the USA Today\/Gallup Poll showed me EVEN with Ron Paul and AHEAD of long-running conservatives Duncan Hunter and Tom Tancredo, even though I have only been actively in the race a few weeks.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I thought to myself, “That’s odd. I don’t recall any stories showing Alan Keyes breaking out of anything — except perhaps a mental institution.” The message was dated Dec. 26. I looked up the poll<\/a>. What Keyes never mentions in the letter is that in the poll, he is at 3 percent.
\n
\nUnlike Ron Paul, who, despite being at 3 percent in national polls still manages to raise lots of money, Keyes, as of Sept. 30, had $12,000 on hand. Unlike Ron Paul, who is a member of the U.S. House of Representatives, Keyes does not appear to have a job. Unlike Ron Paul, who has an actual cult following that consists of real, walking-around people<\/a>, Keyes’ support appears to be limited to his wife (perhaps) and some unfortunate individuals who coo over him online and who were probably dropped on their heads a lot as children. So at this point, if I were Alan Keyes, I doubt I’d spend much time comparing myself to Ron Paul.<\/p>\n

As I’ve mentioned before, running for public office appears to be Keyes’ job. This is his third run for president, and he’s also run for U.S. Senate in Maryland and Illinois. I’m not sure what he does in off years — probably goes to kook right meetings giving speeches in that annoying voice of his.<\/p>\n

This<\/a> political blogger (whom I admit I know nothing about) ranks Keyes dead last in the national GOP race. He writes, “[Keyes] did well in the Values Voters debate, but destroyed any chance of having any type of voice in any type of debate after the last Iowa debate. Keyes’ career is over.”<\/p>\n

I’m afraid I must disagree. First of all, Keyes’ career can’t be over, since he does not actually have one. And secondly, his implosion happened long before that debate. The man long ago ceased to be entertaining. It was fun for a time, Alan, but now it’s just tiresome. Say goodnight.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Guest Post by Morbo You might have noticed that Alan Keyes did not win the Iowa caucuses. I was pretty surprised. After all, in late December I received a special message from Keyes himself assuring me that his campaign was on fire. It looked like a lock. Why I am I getting messages from Alan […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[617],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14137","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14137","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14137"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14137\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14137"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14137"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14137"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}