{"id":14522,"date":"2008-02-09T10:05:14","date_gmt":"2008-02-09T15:05:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thecarpetbaggerreport.com\/archives\/14522.html"},"modified":"2008-02-09T10:05:14","modified_gmt":"2008-02-09T15:05:14","slug":"get-a-job-mitt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/get-a-job-mitt\/","title":{"rendered":"Get a job, Mitt!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Guest Post by Morbo<\/a><\/p>\n

Mitt Romney really doesn’t need a job. After all, I’m sure he still has plenty of money left over from his presidential run. Nevertheless, I hate the thought of Mitt sitting around with nothing to do. Therefore, I’d like to suggest some jobs he might want to look into:<\/p>\n

TV game show host:<\/b> Romney always reminded me of a poor man’s Bob Barker. Barker retired from “The Price Is Right” last year, and now Drew Carey is hosting the show. It’s not a good fit. Send Drew packing and get Mitt in there. Come on down, Mitt!<\/p>\n

Circus ringmaster:<\/b> Imagine Mitt in one of those long red coats circus ringmasters wear. Picture him with the top hat. Check this guy<\/a> out. That could be Mitt, right? <\/p>\n

Pitchman for teeth-whitening strips:<\/b> Everyone loves teeth-whitening strips these days. And who better to sell them to you than a guy with dazzling white teeth? You know he’s been buying them by the case. I can see Mitt hosting an infomercial with some guy in a lab coat. Imagine an incredulous Mitt saying, “You mean I can get results like this in just half an hour?!”<\/p>\n

Something to do with the Olympics:<\/b> It seemed like bringing the Olympics to Salt Lake City was the highlight of Mitt’s life. He was always talking about it. Surely the Olympics people can find something for Mitt to do?<\/p>\n

“Senior Policy Analyst” at the Heritage Foundation:<\/b> Sure, it’s one of those goofy titles that doesn’t actually mean anything — but it sure impresses the rubes who watch Fox News Channel.<\/p>\n

Co-owner of Rudy Giuliani’s drag cabaret:<\/b> Rudy could dress as Marilyn Monroe. Mitt could dress as, well, maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all. Mitt could tend bar. Oh, wait….
\n
\nDoor-to-door religious proselytizer guy:<\/b> Mitt has experience with this one. Admit it, after hearing a line like, “Hi, it’s Mitt Romney, and I’ve got a free pamphlet explaining why Jesus and Satan aren’t brothers” you are going to open the door.<\/p>\n

Handler of rats:<\/b> His actual first name is “Willard,” right?<\/p>\n

Actor:<\/b> I can see Mitt doing well in several genres. In thrillers, he stars as an international super spy who looks dapper in his tuxedo and foils the terrorists without messing up a single hair. Put a sweater on him, and it’s romantic comedy time as Mitt falls in love with just one wife for life. Science fiction: Mitt portrays the leader of a terrifying clone army that infiltrates society in a “Stepford Husbands” send up.<\/p>\n

Owner of a dry cleaning establishment:<\/b> Let’s face it, the guy’s very good at handling empty suits.<\/p>\n

Mitt, we hardly knew ye. Actually, we knew ye all too well, and we don’t like ye. But we want ye to get a job. I hereby open the floor to other suggestions. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Guest Post by Morbo Mitt Romney really doesn’t need a job. After all, I’m sure he still has plenty of money left over from his presidential run. Nevertheless, I hate the thought of Mitt sitting around with nothing to do. Therefore, I’d like to suggest some jobs he might want to look into: TV game […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[617],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14522","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14522","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=14522"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14522\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=14522"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=14522"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=14522"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}