{"id":4100,"date":"2005-04-30T10:56:48","date_gmt":"2005-04-30T14:56:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thecarpetbaggerreport.com\/archives\/4100.html"},"modified":"2005-04-30T10:56:48","modified_gmt":"2005-04-30T14:56:48","slug":"dropping-the-dime-on-tom-delay-who-will-do-the-honors","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/dropping-the-dime-on-tom-delay-who-will-do-the-honors\/","title":{"rendered":"Dropping the dime on Tom DeLay: Who will do the honors?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Guest Post by Morbo<\/a><\/p>\n

Scandal-plagued political figures often reach a point where they become liabilities. When this happens, a highly placed party official usually arranges for an underling to send the beleaguered person packing.<\/p>\n

Late in 1987, President Ronald Reagan found himself saddled with a Supreme Court nominee, Douglas Ginsburg, who, it turned out, had smoked marijuana back in the 1970s when he was a law professor. For some reason, this was deemed enormously controversial, and a media firestorm erupted. <\/p>\n

Ginsburg seemed to think he could ride it out. Reagan had other ideas.<\/p>\n

Naturally the president doesn’t drop the axe himself in a case like this. To get rid of Ginsburg, Reagan dispatched Education Secretary William Bennett. Bennett handed Ginsburg a statement, Ginsburg read it before the cameras. End of problem.<\/p>\n

A similar moment may be approaching for Tom DeLay. Things just aren’t going his way lately. Damaging credit card receipts<\/a> (.pdf) have started to surface, and that’s never a good thing. New polls show DeLay with less than 40 percent backing<\/a> in his district. Members of his own party are getting antsy. Even Bill Frist dissed him<\/a> during “Justice Sunday.”<\/p>\n

If the GOP power structure decides it’s time for DeLay to resign so he can spend more time with his family, the usual mid-level functionary could be sent forth — perhaps a four-term congressman or an undersecretary of something or another.<\/p>\n

But let’s face it: Been there, done that!<\/i> It’s boring and it makes absolutely no statement. This is the GOP’s chance to make dropping the dime on someone an art and not merely a chore. To that end, I’d like to propose that when DeLay’s time comes, a fictional character be drafted to do the deed.<\/p>\n

Naturally I have some suggestions:
\n
\nCharacter<\/strong>: Captain Ahab<\/p>\n

Pros<\/strong>: Relentless drive and single-minded focus on tasks makes him detail oriented and ensures he will get the job done<\/p>\n

Cons<\/strong>: Hopelessly insane; prone to be long-winded; has bad haircut and horrifying gleam in his eyes<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Character<\/strong>: Frankenstein’s monster (the one from the movies, not the urbane fellow from the novel)<\/p>\n

Pros<\/strong>: A commanding presence. Large, square, green head and neck bolts add a certain undeniable gravitas<\/i> to any situation; he simply cannot be ignored<\/p>\n

Cons<\/strong>: Limited language skills could make it difficult for him to get the message across (“Fire bad! Influence peddling too! Urrrrr. Urrrrr!”); meeting with DeLay could be interrupted by angry villagers carrying pitchforks and torches<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Character<\/strong>: Cruelly-used governess from Victorian-era novel<\/p>\n

Pros<\/strong>: Has excellent diction, poise and grammar skills; plays the harpsichord<\/p>\n

Cons<\/strong>: Tragic abuse at the hands of that rake, Lord Cecil Fullerton’s son, Chesterfield Fullerton of Throckmorton Hill, has left her desperate and unable to find time to keep up with the ins and outs of congressional ethics law<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Character<\/strong>: Darth Vader (circa Episode IV)<\/p>\n

Pros<\/strong>: Might possibly seize DeLay by the throat and lift him up in the air while saying something like, “Your services are no longer required!” I mean, dude, that would be so<\/i> awesome!<\/p>\n

Cons<\/strong>: Unlikely to want to piss off DeLay since they’re both members of the CNP<\/a> and he’s still hoping for that hosting gig with Fox News Channel<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Characters<\/strong>: Scooby Doo and the gang at Mystery, Inc.<\/p>\n

Pros<\/strong>: As DeLay is led away, we get the satisfaction of hearing him snap, “I’d have pulled it off too — if it wasn’t for you kids!”<\/p>\n

Cons<\/strong>: Like, DeLay could easily distract Scooby and Shaggy with a triple-decker pizza and run off, leading to a wacky chase scene over crudely animated backgrounds. Zoinks!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

As always, I’m open to further suggestions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Guest Post by Morbo Scandal-plagued political figures often reach a point where they become liabilities. When this happens, a highly placed party official usually arranges for an underling to send the beleaguered person packing. Late in 1987, President Ronald Reagan found himself saddled with a Supreme Court nominee, Douglas Ginsburg, who, it turned out, had […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[617],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4100","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4100","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4100"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4100\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4100"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4100"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4100"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}