{"id":7262,"date":"2006-04-29T09:43:55","date_gmt":"2006-04-29T13:43:55","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.thecarpetbaggerreport.com\/?p=7262"},"modified":"2006-04-29T09:43:55","modified_gmt":"2006-04-29T13:43:55","slug":"happy-days-are-here-again-secret-gop-rebuilding-plan-unveiled","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/happy-days-are-here-again-secret-gop-rebuilding-plan-unveiled\/","title":{"rendered":"Happy days are here again: Secret GOP rebuilding plan unveiled"},"content":{"rendered":"

Guest Post by Morbo<\/a><\/p>\n

This week, I was given a top-secret Republican Party strategy document by a highly placed source who must remain unnamed. This is the GOP plan to get the Bush presidency back on track and help the Republicans sweep November’s elections. As usual, it is bold and visionary. It lays out the problems facing America today and offers specific, creative solutions.<\/p>\n

I knew you would want to see it. Here are some excerpts.<\/p>\n

Problem: High gas prices
\nSolution: Tax cut
\nRationale: If people have more money, they will be able to afford the high cost of gas.<\/p>\n

Problem: Chaos in Iraq
\nSolution: Tax cut
\nRationale: Iraqis living in America will send the money they get from their tax cut home, thus boosting the Iraqi economy and ending the violence.<\/p>\n

Problem: Nukes in Iran
\nSolution: Tax cut
\nRationale: Iranians living in America will send the money they get from their tax cut home, thus boosting the Iranian economy and ending the need to threaten with nukes.<\/p>\n

Problem: Same-sex marriage
\nSolution: Tax cut
\nRationale: Gays will be so busy buying things with their tax cut money that they won’t have time to get married.<\/p>\n

Problem: Gulf Coast still vulnerable to hurricanes
\nSolution: Tax cut
\nRationale: People can use their tax cut money to fortify their homes or just move away.<\/p>\n

Problem: 45 million Americans without health care
\nSolution: Tax cut
\nRationale: People can use their tax cut money to see a doctor.<\/p>\n

Problem: Annoying youth fashions
\nSolution: Tax cut
\nRationale: Parents can use the tax cut money to buy their kids some normal clothes.<\/p>\n

Problem: Global warming
\nSolution: Tax cut
\nRationale: Tax cut money can be used to buy air conditioners and invest in desert property, soon to be beachfront.
\n
\nProblem: Teens having sex
\nSolution: Tax cut
\nRationale: Kids have sex because they are bored. If their parents have more money to give them, young people will go to the movies more often.<\/p>\n

Problem: Annoying “muzak” in grocery stores
\nSolution: Tax cut
\nRationale: Americans can use tax cut money to buy iPods and hear the music they want.<\/p>\n

Problem: Abortion still legal
\nSolution: Tax cut
\nRationale: With more money in their pockets, people will stop aborting their children.<\/p>\n

Problem: Not enough tax cuts
\nSolution: Tax cut
\nRationale: Everyone likes tax cuts. Tax cuts are fun. We need more tax cuts…sweet, delicious tax cuts…ohhhh….<\/p>\n

That’s it in a nutshell. I should point out that the plan also includes some new tax cuts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Guest Post by Morbo This week, I was given a top-secret Republican Party strategy document by a highly placed source who must remain unnamed. This is the GOP plan to get the Bush presidency back on track and help the Republicans sweep November’s elections. As usual, it is bold and visionary. It lays out the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[617],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7262","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7262","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7262"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7262\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7262"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7262"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stevebenen.com\/thecarpetbaggerreport\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7262"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}