Beyond golf: Unreported Bush sacrifices

May 17, 2008

Guest Post by Morbo

The Carpetbagger on Wednesday mentioned President George W. Bush’s recent confession that he has given up golf as a way of sacrificing for the troops in Iraq.

I was touched. What a bold leader we have! Bush is so courageous he’s willing to give up leisure activities to support the war effort. No wonder the president is so popular.

He’s also modest. I happen to know, from my sources in Washington, that Bush has sacrificed in other ways that have not been made public. Of course, he’s too humble to tell us about them himself. I want to share this list with you, just so you will appreciate even more the true greatness and vision of our dear leader, President George W. Bush:

1. Eats regular Cap’n Crunch for breakfast, not the kind with crunchberries

2. Every night before going to bed, listens to a 25-second tape recording of gunfire, so he’ll know what the troops are going through.

3. Instructed White House housekeeping staff to buy Puffs with Lotion facial tissues only when they’re on sale at Wal-Mart. Otherwise, it’s regular Puffs.

4. Washes hair in the morning with shampoo only, totally skips conditioner.

5. Plans to trade in White House SUV that gets 8 miles per gallon for one that gets 11 miles per gallon.

6. Stopped eating pretzels.

7. Cancelled Netflix subscription; instructs Secret Service to just swing by Blockbuster, even though there’s no guarantee “Dumb and Dumber” will be in stock.

8. Recycled giant cross from Jenna’s wedding by giving it to the Supreme Court.

9. Agreed to always say “Democrat Party,” thus saving a syllable every time. Eventually, enough syllables will be saved to enable Bush to give a really stirring speech to the troops.

10. Will reduce annual brush-clearing vacation from three months to two months, three weeks and five days.

I get tingles just thinking about it. Isn’t there some way we can get this visionary leader a third term?

He also brushes his teeth to Souza. At least that’s what I heard, though it doesn’t fully explain why he talks more like Seuss.

  • He also gives thanks daily to his venerated patron saint, Mortimer Snerd, for conferring on him the intellect and guidance that has made him what he is today.

  • The thing that pisses me off the most about this stupid war in Iraq is that the entire burden (and every ounce of sacrifice) is being carried by our military personnel and their families. We can’t count the “sacrifice” of civilian contractors – they’re just mercenaries and are being paid handsomely.

    You and I haven’t been asked to do one damn thing to “support the troops,” other than perhaps to make the meaningless gesture of putting a yellow ribbon magnet on cars. We aren’t even being asked to pay the bills – that’s all on the national credit card.

    And Bush gave up golf to show his solidarity! That’s very noble, Mr. President. It reminds me of when I was a kid in Catholic school. I used to give up watermelon during Lent.

  • I’m guesss #9 will backfire. I doubt the troops will feel particularly honored – indeed, they might misunderstand entirely – when the Prez stands in front of them and with a juvenile grin says “Ic! Ic! Ic! Ic! Ic!. . .” for 5 minutes.

  • It can only be stated that Bush truely believes American citizens to be as shallow and stupid as he is. This is a clown who has never worked a real freaking day in his life, has never worried about how his health care provider will treat him, and has only ever had to call upon daddy to bail his arrogant ass out of one predicament after another.

    Alas I cannot fully explain how I dispise him.

  • He’s also recycling enemies. So far he has compared Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, Mahmoud Ahmadenijad, Hamas and Hezbollah to Hitler, saving his speech writers time from actually looking up more appropriate and accurate analogies on the internet.

  • 11 Called for a sense of shared sacrifice on the home front by raising taxes to pay for the war so the troops would get everything needed like body armor and uparmored Humvees.

    12. Eventhough this may be embarrassing,called for govt oversight on the conduct of the war to learn what has not worked and hold accountable those who (f) ed up because this allow for correction of errors and help finish the war as quickly as possible.

    13. etc etc etc

  • What I find odd is that the President of the United states overseeing two disastrous ongoing wars and an economy reeling straight to hell would “decide” to give up gold. I would think duty and responsibility would push golf right out his mind.

  • #8 would “decide” to give up gold.

    Now that was a superb typo! For that is something Bush would never give up. Neither that or the silver spoon firmly shoved up his ass.

  • …a third term?

    I understand there might be a suitable opening for him: Chief High Detainee for Life at Gitmo. He can make silly faces through the razor-wire at Raul Castro to prove his “america-hood” while he’s there.

  • If he had a brain, he would take a vow of silence for the duration of his term. Nothing could better support the troops than to stop reminding them of the arrogance and idiocy that got them there.

  • What was really truly pathetic was NPR’s treatment of this “story” yesterday – they took it at face value, that Bush was doing what he said he was doing for the reaons he said, then they go get an expert on golf and ask if other presidents have done this, blahblahblah. I think it was the lowest I’ve ever seen those losers sink. They’re in Washington, they have to hear the stuff the other real reporters are getting on this “story,” and they go with the propaganda and treat it like truth. I hope they got a lot of e-mail on this one

    The Bush Administration has wrecked everything!!! Including NPR.

  • Just as George Bush has done a good job making a mockery of the highest office in our land, he too will be mocked and scorned for generations to come. His baffoonery allows for untold material yet to hit our agents of pop culture – yours above is but a mere triffling. There will be so much more to come, especially if comedy relief is the only way we get to process out the last eight nightmarish years of our history. -Kevo

  • You people mock everything that is not stamped for approval by Barack Obama. You are all so drunk on him that you even distort the suffering of our troops. What has Barack Obama given up? Asking his masses to kneel in adoration?

    Cap’n Bush has at least made an effort to feel some of our troops pain.
    And all you kook aid drinkers can do is pour more scorn on him…

  • “Cap’n Bush has at least made an effort to feel some of our troops pain.”

    When did he start doing that? If you know, please inform the rest of us.

  • Mag7 : “..and has only ever had to call upon daddy to bail his arrogant ass out of one predicament after another.”

    That’s where the problem is… George W never asked for help. The help just arrived after the family was fed up with it. As far as W. is concerned: He never asked for any help. Those were just business opportunities he ran into. “Ain’t I smart?” is what Bush thinks each time he’s bailed out.

  • I am sure all 10 of those sacrifices (plus golf!) would be appreciated by the soldiers who have had pieces blown off of them and the nearest and dearest of those soldiers who did not survive having pieces blown off of them. But not as much as they’d appreciate it if Bush gave up…living.

  • Mary Mary quite the idiot (post 16). The usual GOP tactic of changing the subject. But if you insist, Obama hasn’t displayed the phenomenal incompetence that Cap’n Catastrophe has. Obama hasn’t blamed an Islamic country for the acts of others. Obama hasn’t destroyed international relationships that have taken generations of bipartisan effort to build. And Obama hasn’t insulted the troops by pretending to share their tremendous dangers. The Bush Administration this week attempted to reclassify the diagnostics of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome in an effort to dodge supporting those troops that suffer from it. This from a man who had his daddy get him into a non-combat service National Guard unit, and STILL did not have the balls or dignity to show up. How dare you say Bush feels the pain of our soldiers you moron.

  • I think Mary,Mary is satire, at least I hope it i. Remember last week IFP hung up her parody pen? I think this is a wanna-be IFP.

  • I’ll be impressed when he gives up something he really cares about like vacationing or sleeping nine hours a night.

  • The usual stupid Republican tactics of blaming others for their incompetence is never more in display than with the Bush Administration and its minions of fools like Mary Mary. Bush is, without ANY doubt, the WORST president in the history of this country, and possibly the world. Republicans deserve to be put into a vet-proof minority in both houses of Congress, and their supporters need to be kicked in the arse for voting for George W. Bush TWICE.

    The GOP is dying a slow death, and unless the economy improves, gas prices decline, and the war ends, they will be dead in November.

  • I think Dee Lorelei (@21) is right. “Mary Mary quite contrary” is a parody. As was “Mary, Mother of Odd” the other day. I think both *are* Insane Fake Professor’s newer avatars. True Repub morons don’t have enough sense of humour to give themselves such wacky screen names; they take themselves far too seriously

  • I’m getting parody-fatigue.

    I think two things Republicans ignore are irony and hypocrisy (theirs).

  • Don’t forget about all the server space save by deleting 10 million emails and the major recycling project going on over at Cheney’s office.

  • Lefties, I find it amusing that Michelle Obama had to explain to the women of southeastern Ohio (median incomce $37,000 per year) what sacrifices she and BHO had to make to pay $10,000 per year for camps and riding classes for their daughters.

    I also love the “sacrifices” Hollywood types make: private jets, 4-5 homes, etc. Admit it – you guys are big hypocrites. If you want to walk the walk, then do it. If not, shut the F up.

  • Please. Mary Mary Quite Contrary is so not up to my standard. Wanna-be indeed.

  • you know BDS, I agree about those “Hollywood types.” and I wish Bruce Willis, Ahnold, and Mel Gibson (jetted off to the islands with Ms. Spears, no less!) would change their behaviors!

  • I think that all of these comments about what Bush said or did not say, does or did not do, are quite interesting. The very tone of the comments and the harshness of the words has made me do some thinking about my own words.

    Yes, our leaders should be held to higher standards of actions and words and choices because of the position they hold.

    A big HOWEVER follows…the very language and rabid “I’m right, you’re wrong, there’s no compromise” attitude that is shared regularly in these response columns troubles me. I fear that the very citizens who set themselves up as “judge and jury” over our leaders often cannot or DO not model for their families, friends, and fellow countrymen and women the standards they are all to ready to hold others to keeping.

    I have always said, and will continue to say, that when a person is elected to a very influential and powerful position, they often begin to believe the hype they are given by those in their inner circle, who are simply protecting their own interests. None of our leaders has ever been perfect, Republican OR Democrat, and to think that slapping a name or party tag on someone automatically means they will do everything perfectly is ridiculous. Let’s start changing the things we don’t like about our country by changing ourselves FIRST. (And if the people who regularly posted here were held up to the same scrutiny as the press gives to our elected leaders, there would be so many divorces, attempted homicides, lost jobs, and conflicts that we would be too busy to fight in other countries! Watch your own tongues within your own sphere of influence, even this posting page, or back off the others who are not being “kosher” with what they say. Just one step or misstep could put you in the equivalent degree of hot water that these public figures are now in.)

    “We must become the change we want to see in the world.” Ghandi

  • Martha Ray is onto something.
    I intend to “become the change” by giving up didactic pronouncements. And also Circus Peanuts.

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