Getting a peek behind the Capitol Hill curtain, learning about the ‘A Team’

Probably every member of Congress has office interns, and a guide to help these interns familiarize themselves with office policies. One assumes these guides include rules and procedures on supervisors, attire, working hours, etc.

But the intern instructions in Rep. Don Young’s (R-Alaska) office offer a fascinating peek behind a pretty corrupt curtain.

Capitol Hill internships are not always easy, particularly when you work for a gruff Alaskan with particular tastes and an uneven temper. Fortunately, interns for Rep. Don Young have an unofficial guide, entitled “The 2111: An Intern’s Survival Guide.” (The 2111 refers to his office number in the Rayburn building). […]

First, the A-Team. This is the group of nine transportation lobbyists interns are instructed to give unfettered access to whenever they call the office. “These people can talk to whomever they want,” the guide states. The A-Team includes Rick Alcalde, Jack Ferguson, Randy DeLay, Billy Lee Evans, Mike Henry, Jay Dickey, Duncan Smith, C.J. Zane, and Colin Chapman.

Some, like Alcalde, are tied to an ongoing investigation into a $10 million earmark Young secured for Coconut Road in Florida. Alcalde, a transportation lobbyist, worked for a real estate developer who sought the earmark and was a major financial contributor to Young’s campaign. DeLay is the Houston-based lobbyist brother of former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, Ferguson is a former chief of staff to Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens, who is also under federal investigation.

I’m hard pressed to imagine what Young staffers were thinking putting all of this in print. It’s one thing for a corrupt lawmaker to give lobbyists unfettered, unparalleled access to congressional staff, but it’s another to tell interns in writing to give lobbyists unfettered, unparalleled access to congressional staff.

Once the “survival guide” started making the rounds yesterday, Young’s office told reporters that the guide is “incredibly outdated” and “was pieced together by several former interns and not by staff.” That defense looks shaky, though, given that the TPM crew “has learned that the ‘Guide’ and other initiation materials were distributed by a paid member of Young’s staff.”

Wait, it gets funnier.

While the “A Team” of lobbyists make Young look worse, there’s also some more personal embarrassments.

The document, titled “An Intern’s Survival Guide,” also explains the quirks and personal preferences of Young and his wife Lula.

Young disapproves of “facial piercings,” expects interns to open doors for him and gets annoyed when he sees interns with hands in their pockets.

Mrs. Young “has good days and bad days,” insists on a clean kitchen, dislikes computer noise and cologne and gets annoyed when her advice goes unheeded.

“Eat what she tells you to eat,” warns the memo. “Her orders are often disguised as offers, suggestions or invitations, they are not — do them.”

It sounds like a great place to work and learn about public service, doesn’t it?

Eat what she tells you to eat?

Jebus. If they can tell you want to eat, then I’m pretty sure you’re an authoritarian toad, and you will do all manner of things that aren’t necessarily legal.

  • So what? It’s not as if he’s the only Alaskan politician to have a fetish for painting himself like a great big target while wearing big “SHOOT ME” signs taped to his back.

    But I’ve got to admit, Young is a good reason for bringing back that late night talk-show segment entitled, Stupid Human Tricks….

  • Example conversation:

    Mrs. Crazy: Oh, honey… that’s a really cute sweater! But you should really wear green. Pink doesn’t do anything for your complexion.

    Intern: Oh, uh – okay, thanks.

    Mrs. Crazy: Yeah – take the rest of the afternoon off without pay and get yourself a nice, green sweater.

    Intern: …

    Mrs. Crazy: Now.

    Intern: erm…

    Mrs. Crazy: I SAID NOW!

  • But…but Mrs. Young…I’m allergic to peanut butter…no, even the organic brands…but…mmmph….

    …please…tell my high school sweetheart I died serving my country, as a hero would…

  • “Why’d they fire Julie?”

    “She was too fat.”

    “But what about Adrienne?”

    “She was thinner than Mrs. Young.”

    “Bridget?”

    “She didn’t put Fat free milk in her coffee like Mrs. Young suggested.”

    “Miles?”

    “…y’know, I don’t know why they fired Miles. He wrote the survival guide…. oh, wait. He mentioned the ‘bad days’.”

  • If he has access to a DeLay (any DeLay), he’s got to be a whacko…and corrupt…and an arsehole! He married well….

  • Our congressman is an embarassment. However, this story is breaking too soon for my taste. Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell is challenging Young for the GOP nomination. If nominated, Parnell will likely beat Democrats Ethan Berkowitz or Diane Benson. Too bad, because I think that Berkowitz can beat young, though I have my doubts about Benson.

  • Sounds like me, when my son was making faces at broccoli. OTOH.. She probably tells them to eat mink.

  • More evidence that these reps consider themselves the ruling elite and allow themselves to be exploited by lobbyists who pay well. Why is it so hard to replace these hypocrites?

    What have they ever done for the people that didn’t first benefit them personally. The internet has awakened the public with the insight it provides and we are shocked and insulted by what we discover. Most of congress needs to be replaced for their complicity in turning America into a corporatocracy where laws and lawmakers are bought and sold.

    People should be barred from the senate if they are millionaires rather than that being a prerequisite.

    “Trashy people” can be rich and powerful or poor and weak but are determined by their authoritarian attitude toward those they consider to be less than they are. In other words they usually treat people like shit unless they are trying to get something from them.

  • Steve said:
    But I’ve got to admit, Young is a good reason for bringing back that late night talk-show segment entitled, Stupid Human Tricks….

    Good idea. I’m sure the Republican hookers can nominate several guests.

  • It sounds like a great place to work and learn about public service, doesn’t it?

    One could legitimately ask why a Congressman’s spouse is spending so much time in the workplace.

    Yes, Lu Young tends to hang around the office a lot. She’s a character. (Rule #1 of the Survival Guide: “She means well.”) She’s not a Joan Crawford-type character, Former Dan. More like Rain Man.

  • Maria, @13,

    Figured, if anyone picked up on that, it’d be you 🙂 It’d be nice to have that nutter neutered, come November…

  • Republicans are all sick puppies who want to be dominated, so this place sounds exactly like where a Republican Masochist would go to be dominated by a Sadist.

    Remember: there are two kinds of Republicans – the Sadists and the Masochists.

    There are also the bank robbers, the back alley assassins, the perverts, the thieves, the traitors. The list goes on.

  • Comments are closed.