The amazing human lie-detector

These Republican doctors-turned-lawmakers sure do know some interesting tricks. Bill Frist, for example, can use an hour of family videotapes to challenge the diagnosis of doctors who have examined a severely brain-damaged patient in person. Tom Coburn, meanwhile, can use his medical training to tell if someone is lying, just by looking at them.

Coburn during John Roberts hearings: I’ve tried to use my medical skills of observation of body language to ascertain your uncomfortableness and ill at ease with questions and responses. I will tell you that I am very pleased both in my observational capabilities as a physician to know that your answers have been honest and forthright as I watch the rest of your body respond to the stress that you’re under. (End videotape)

Tim Russert: Do you believe as a physician you can tell whether a candidate for the Supreme Court is telling the truth?

Coburn: I think you can certainly tell when they’re ill at ease with a subject and sometimes telling the truth or not. I think you can do that. I think you can do that — anybody can be trained to do that — by body language, respiratory avoidance responses. Yeah, I think you can.

Russert: And have you used those skills to make judgments like that?

Coburn: Mm-hm, I certainly have.

Russert: Has any — have you ever detected someone lying?

Coburn: Uh-huh, lots of times.

C&L, of course, has the video.

Now, obviously this is pretty silly. Doctors receive all kinds of training, but they aren’t human lie detectors. But my favorite part of the exchange came when Coburn tried to use a little medical jargon to make his remarks seem more reasonable. He said, specifically, that he measures “respiratory avoidance responses” to see if a judicial nominee is telling the truth during a confirmation hearing.

I’m not a physician, but I do have access to Google. There doesn’t appear to be any such thing as “respiratory avoidance responses.”

“respiratory avoidance responses”

Ever listen to Prairie Home Companion on headphones? Keillor’s famous weekly Lake Woebegone stories? Sucks a lot of breath while he does. Does that mean he’s lying, or that after 30 years doing live monologues, he’s still nervous?

  • Respiratory Avoidance Response, (RAR), occurs when the tip of a congressman’s snorkle dips below the surface of the ocean of his own bullshit in which he is swimming. As the scum begins to move down the tube, the congressman stops inhaling, (avoidance), expels the goop with a blast of hot air, (response), and then resumes swimming, or drifting, as the occasion dictates.

  • Reminds me of the ramblings of one Clifford Claven. Just make up words to fit your argument. At least Cliff was harmless.

  • Well, I may not be a doctor, but I do play one on TV….

    Respiratory Avoidance Responses are a common symptom found in liars, cheats and politicians. They are usually distinguishable as sounds that emit from the mouth of said individuals when duplicity and deceit are in progress. In most instances, RAR sounds like this, “No comment.” or “I invoke my rights under the Fifth Amendment.”

    However, in some east coast strains common to the D.C. area, it might sound something like this: “The White House does not comment on ongoing investigations.” or like this: “I plead not guilty”.

    If not treated immeidately with impeachment, RAR may actually mutate into RIM (Respiratory Intelligence Manipulation) which could produce utterances such as: “the British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa” or possibly even worse, unforeseen symptoms.

    I hope this helps everyone out there. If you have any questions, please contact your doctor/congressman.

  • Respiratory Avoidance (holds breath) Response (turns blue, passes out).

    Does Coburn come from a Diebold District?

  • I’m just impressed (and more than a little relieved) that Coburn’s lie-detecting skills have evolved from dunking witches.

  • I do believe this validates my comment in the Sunday Discussion Group. Corburn sticks to his beliefs, political ramifactions be damned. You gotta admire a guy like that, whichever side he’s on.

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