Sunday Discussion Group — Predictions 2006 Edition

January 1, 2006

I’ve never been one to take peer pressure seriously, but seeing so many “predictions 2006” posts around has led me to give this a shot. Here’s what I’m expecting from the year to come:

* Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum will lose his re-election fight by double digits, prompting him to whine, “You won’t have Rick Santorum to kick around anymore” in a bitter farewell address. He immediately accepts a job on Fox News, co-hosting a show with Bob Novak called, “If You’re Different, You’re Wrong.”

* Patrick Fitzgerald will indict at least two more top White House officials. Rumors will intensify that Bush will fire Fitzgerald (ala Archibald Cox), but fearful of following Nixon’s narrative too closely, the president won’t be able to go through with it.

* Barack Obama will collect 10 gazillion frequent-flier miles campaigning for Dem candidates nationwide.

* Tom DeLay will be among the 10 House Republicans indicted in the Abramoff scandal, putting DeLay in a position where he will have no choice but to announce that he will not run for re-election.

* Rumors about Al Gore entering the 2008 presidential race will intensify (beyond Ezra’s blog), prompting a Meet the Press appearance in which Gore will be leave the door open to the possibility.

* Desperate for a pre-November hobbyhorse, John Gibson will launch a crusade against The Da Vinci Code, which he’ll characterize as a liberal plot to destroy Christianity. Rob Boston, despite not caring for the hit movie, will appear on-air to defend it, pushing Gibson to start screaming uncontrollably, “Liberals make baby Jesus cry!”

* Republicans will come to regret the investigation into the NSA leak, as the probe keeps the story alive and focuses renewed attention on the White House’s illegalities.

* Sales of “Serenity” DVDs will surpass expectations and prompt Universal to greenlight a sequel. (I know, I know, wishful thinking.)

* Desperate to do something that voters might like, congressional Republicans will, in late summer, agree to a modest increase in the minimum wage.

* Anxious to boost his approval ratings after they drop into the high-20s by summer, Bush finally agrees to appear on The Daily Show. Blogs go berserk when Jon Stewart asks soft-ball questions.

* Russ Feingold will hire Joe Trippi.

* The New York Republican Party will beg Alan Keyes to run against Hillary Clinton. He’ll decline.

* Democrats will narrow the gap in the House, but fall short of retaking the majority. Dems will excel in Senate races, leading to a 50-50 split going into 2007.

* The Senate cafeteria will take Baked Alaska off its menu, prompting Ted Stevens to launch into an expletive-filled tirade in which he threatens to resign unless it’s brought back. Fearful that Stevens could get violent, the cafeteria acquiesces.

So, what are your predictions?

Does anyone have a good 2006 Senate race outlook?

The last one I saw was on “The Big Picture” blog & it didn’t look as rosy for the Dems as I’d hoped.

Maybe the CB can start off the year by breaking down the races where the Dems have the best shot of taking seats?

Happy New Year.

  • Stewart has already said he would be congenial (I think the quote was “such a pussy”) if Bush came on the show. I recall him asking Ken Mehlman in 2004 for a Bush appearance.

  • I predict that whoever wins the midterms, Congress will continue to be irrelevant as the executive and judicial branches of government reinforce each others’ usurpation of congressional power. Congress will remain a feeding trough where it pays to just go along.

    Why am I so pessimistic? The three branches of government have kept their names, but their roles have changed utterly during the past 200 years. Congress resembles the Roman Senate under the emperors–it has not really fought back against either of the other branches of government since the late 1860s (or at least since the War Powers Act of the 1970s and their censure of Nixon, and even then they acted belatedly and under compulsion rather than a desire to protect their rights under the Constitution). They are timid and venal, and anyone in Congress with any integrity would be badly outnumbered and ineffective. For instance, think about the Clintons, Bidens, and Liebermans out there to counteract the Obamas.

    But we will have the satisfaction of seeing a few of the corrupt individuals go down as scapegoats to appease us and make us think the system still works. And more political irrationality to baffle and amuse us.

  • I predict Alito will be confirmed but also that during the confirmation hearings, his views will be revealed as so regressive as to provide one of the dem senate candidates’ strongest campaign issues. The need for congressional checks on excutive power will be the issue that returns the senate to dem control – barely – and results in significant gains in the house. If the dems can play it right, that is.

  • “pushing Gibson to start screaming uncontrollably, “Liberals make baby Jesus cry!””

    Maybe, but Conservatives (establishment religion) made Adult Jesus die.

    I like the one about the Dems getting back the Senate and House based on the argument that SOMEONE has to oversight this administration.

  • IF Bush fires Fitzgerald, Tom Brokaw and Ted Koppel will state categorically that Clinton would have done the same. Fox and CNN will say that it was a bold thing to do, and Bush critics wouldn’t be so eager to criticize if there was another 9/11.

  • Confronted with awkward questions about strange poor-little-rich-boy world view, Alito will hold his breath until he faints during confirmation hearings.

    Bush will make a trip to Mecca, eat a 55 gallon drum of olives, and declare himself the Messiah. “You got it wrong, my Father and I hate poor people…” will be the quote everyone remembers from his post ascension interview on Larry King Live.

    In an effort to soften his image in anticipation of a presidential campaign, Dick “Go F Yourself” Chenney will donate the massive porn collection from his “undisclosed location” to charity. An alert volunteer at the Make a Wish Foundation will find a photo of Karl Rove in an all too revealing leather bondage ensemble. After a bout of projectile vomitting, said volunteer will make a killing on ebay.

    O’Reilly will use the incident as proof of his “War on Cowboys”. A Godless denial of our rich heritage, where men drove cattle, committed genocide, frequented $1 whores, and, of course, wore chaps.

    The GOP will, once again, save us all the headaches of tabulating and simply provide us with election votes. However, there will be some voting reform. Instead of simply being discarded the data will be used to tabulate lists heritics for the new NIF (National Inquisition Force) to monitor.

    Happy New Year
    -jj

  • I predict that 2006 will deliver unto Bush another year long “perfect storm” of political crisis , …… wheren the karmic fruits of his dark network of slimy Rovean corrupt corporate crony-infested plots come to greater light, revealing the corruption of politics so blatant and extensive, that the nation is shocked into true democratic political reform .
    ……(and then we can all live happlily ever after!!!. If some folks find comfort in intelligent design, why can I have my own fairy tale? Why not live as a Neo Con…”if you can make yourself believe it, it is true.”)

  • I predict that most of the predictions by the
    prediction gurus will turn out to be wrong.

    I wonder if there are statistics on this.

    I am predicting a gloomy year for the
    Dems, and particularly, us progressives.
    But nothing specific.

    Oh, and a couple sure bets – The U.S.
    will do nothing about global warming,
    alternative energy or universal health
    insurance. But Vegas doesn’t even
    give odds on these.

  • Continuing a recent string of long-suffering teams finally getting their due, the World Series will feature the Cubbies defeating the Indians.

  • A terrorist “incident” at Disneyworld in late summer/early fall. Cowed, US voters fall in obedient unity behind Dear Leader. Domestic surveillance increases massively, Repubs. maintain control of both houses, Patriot Act III is overwhelmingly approved.

  • I can pretty much see what you do, CB, for upcoming political events, tho I think there will be 12 (or more) Republican congresscritters get perpwalked out of the capitol.

    I am going to say that Abramoff and Snoopgate are going to give us ammo to campaign against “The Party of Corruption and Treason” this year, and that we will get the House back.

    Now then, not to be a “dog in the manger” about a movie about which its fans are so devoted, but the only way “Serenity” doesn’t suck is if you are a fan of the series, have seen all the episodes, and fully digested all the information. For those of us who didn’t do all that, this “second season disguised as a movie” doesn’t really work. I rented the DVD the day it came out, based on all the good commentary from people whose opinions I know and respect, and was severely underwhelmed. I discovered that there was a definite breakdown of people’s responses to the movie, and it is: if you know the series and like it, you like the movie. If you don’t know the series or don’t like it, you won’t like the movie. Unfortunately, this is why the movie tanked when it was released. There’s a “rule” there that a stand-alone feature must be able to actually “stand alone,” i.e., you’re not supposed to have to do 13 hours of research and pass a test before going to see it. And unfortunately, there’s more of us than there are of you. I’d personally like to see it get picked up as a series on the Sci-fi channel, they re-make the movie with the extra 11 missing hours of the second season so it makes sense, and go from there.

    And I am going to spend this coming Friday watching the “Firefly” on the scifi channel to see what all the commotion was about.

    All the above heresy said by someone not only a science-fiction fan, but a writer of the stuff.

  • I predict that in 2006 CB will write a book, something, I for one, think is long overdue.

  • I predict that after the Dems retake the House and Senate, Ann Coulter’s head will exlode on national TV. Bill O’Rielly will call for the arrest of all Democratic members of congress on charges of treason. And Rush Limbaugh, citing Haliburton’s excelent work in Iraq, will suggest they oversee the outsourcing of Congress to the Marianas Islands.

    Dick Cheney will emerge from his undisclosed hidey-hole twice – Once to remind us about Saddam’s extensive WMDs and ties to al qaeda. And once to call the new Demacrat majority in congress “An arm of al qaeda – just as sure as Saddam was”

  • 1. Bush will suspend the FOIA by executive order for “national security reasons,” but really just to protect any information from getting out.

    2. There will be another terrorist attack to a blue state city. This time, though, the citizens of that place won’t rally around the flag. They’ll blame Bush for letting it happen. Which they should have done the first time. The Republicans will openly say they deserved it for being “terrorists in the hearts.”

    3. I agree that Alito will be revealed even more fully as not only anti-abortion, but primarily pro-dictatorship (torture, spying, permanent arrest all OK). That’s why Bush wants him on the court.

    4. Bush will pardon everyone in the DeLay and Abramoff scandals and implicated by Fitzgerald pre-emptively because they are an “unnecesary liberal distraction during a time of war.”

    5. Americans will start deserting Iraq. Bush will float the idea of a draft.

    6. Peanut butter prices will skyrocket.

    7. The Republicans will rubberstamp Bush’s domestic spying agenda because that’s what they do. Bush will take this as a mandate to create his own secret police.

    8. Bush will quip, “Jesus said, “Render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, and render the Lord what is the Lord’s.’ The question is, What do you do if I am both?”

  • I predict that China will become more and more of a threat to world peace as its stealth campaign to become indespensible to the Western world continues to gain momentum.

    On the other hand, it’s equally possible that its headlong race to poison itself into oblivion will succeed first. In which case, never mind.

  • Serenity, Firefly, Serenity, Firely, Serneity, Firefly……

    If I say it enought maybe someone will listen????

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