By all means, mess with Texas

It’s going back a few years, but in 2000, the reality-based community got a good look at what grassroots conservative activists wanted in the way of government action when the [tag]Texas Republican Party[/tag] published a party platform. Among other things, it called for a return to the gold standard; the abolishment of the Federal Reserve, Social Security, the minimum wage, and the federal income tax; a wholesale rejection of the separation of church and state, an enthusiastic embrace for creationism in science classes, and the criminalization of all abortions and gay sex.

That was then. How’s the Texas [tag]GOP[/tag] holding up now? As wacky as ever.

Lt. Col. Brian Birdwell offered a greeting to delegates to the [tag]Republican[/tag] [tag]convention[/tag]. “It’s great to be back in the holy land,” the Fort Worth native said to the cheers of the party faithful. For the 4,500 delegates at last week’s biennial gathering, it was both an expression of conservative philosophy and religious faith, a melding of church and state.

At Saturday morning’s prayer meeting, party leader Tina Benkiser assured them that God was watching over the two-day confab.

“He is the chairman of this party,” she said against a backdrop of flags and a GOP seal with its red, white and blue logo.

It kind of gives “[tag]holier than thou[/tag]” a whole new meaning, doesn’t it?

The activists also adopted a revised party platform that declares, among other things, that “[tag]America[/tag] is a [tag]Christian[/tag] nation”; the official language is “American English”; the Bush should “build a physical barrier” along the entire Mexican border; and voters should have to re-register every four years as well as show a government-issued photo ID in order to participate in an election.

What do Republican activists want? This is what they want.

I see Jeff Foxworthy has some new material to work with. “You might be a redneck if you want a return to the gold standard. You might be a redneck if …”

  • Hilarious!! But you need to add a bit more:

    You might be a redneck if you want to return to the gold standard, even though the only gold you own is in your tooth.

    If God is the chairman of the GOP, perhaps he is going under the assumed name of Ganesha?

  • ummmm… “Lt. Col. Brian Birdwell”… Just scratching my head here, but isn’t there, like, a ban on military personnel taking part in partisan political events? I mean, I know it’s okay for him to travel there in his capacity as a private citizen, but then he shouldn’t be being identified using his military rank.

  • “Dear Texas,

    We whipped your sorry carcass up one side and down the other in 1865. Are you really THAT anxious for a second helping?

    Cordially,

    Ohio.”

    Sorry…couldn’t resist!

  • “Jeff Gannon” makes a cameo in the article…

    Houston activist Bobby Eberle, a candidate for party vice chairman, organized the Friday evening rally. Taking the stage, he took aim at “the ACLU, liberal Hollywood, Democrats and these left-wingers” who have bedeviled the GOP.

    “We need to continue to fight, whether for the pro-life movement or for decency in programming,” said Mr. Eberle, whose Internet enterprise had its own recent dust-up over decency.

    Talon News, a conservative Web site owned by Mr. Eberle, employed Jeff Gannon as a White House correspondent until publicity a year ago over Mr. Gannon’s appearance on gay prostitution Web sites.

    Mr. Eberle dropped Talon News, Mr. Gannon left the press corps, and the matter did not appear to be an issue in the vice chairman’s race, although he lost.

  • the official language is “American English”;
    I think there is a strong competitor for “American English” in the White House.

    Aides said Bush and Rice know each other so well they have conversations based on body language, with maybe four words exchanged.

    Then there was this

    RICE: Well, the intelligence professionals here do use FISA, and we’ve used FISA, but FISA is a 1978 act. It does relate to a time when we were principally concerned about the activities of people working on behalf of governments or the activities of governments.

    This is a different circumstance, and the president, in order to discharge his obligations to detect and thereby prevent terrorist attacks inside the United States has drawn on additional authorities that are granted to him in the Constitution and in other statutes as well.

    WALLACE: You didn’t have to be an expert in body language to see that the president was not too pleased yesterday when he had to acknowledge the existence of this top-secret program. Is the administration going to investigate who leaked this?

    Or how about this

    She also is a close personal friend, sharing a love of sports and humor.

    “When she walks in the room, it’s second only to when Laura walks in the room because … his body language is so relaxed with Rice,” Reed said.

    I think it is clear that it is Rice that has taught the GOP how to speak body language. Back in 1999 she showed off her fluency to a reporter who was questioning her about the Gov. Bush,

    “He’s so direct and clear and I just liked him,” Rice said in an interview at her Stanford office. “There’s a decisiveness about him. He’s got good core values . . . and he wants to be president because he thinks he can do something.”

    And he’s a break from the image of the GOP.

    “The Republican rhetoric and body language has just been terrible,” Rice said.

    Rice isn’t the only one that speaks body language. In fact she’s got Rummy walking the talk to. See this interview with Bob Woodward.

    Yesterday’s NYTimes has an example of the far reaching consequence that this language has on American forgien policy.

    A meeting she had attended in Berlin days earlier with European foreign ministers had been a disaster, she reported, according to participants in the discussion. Iran was neatly exploiting divisions among the Europeans and Russia, and speeding ahead with its enrichment of uranium. The president grimaced, one aide recalled, interpreting the look as one of exasperation “that said, ‘O.K., team, what’s the answer?’ ”

    That body languagetouched off a closely held two-month effort to reach a drastically different strategy, one articulated two weeks later in a single sentence that Ms. Rice wrote in a private memorandum. It broached the idea that the United States end its nearly three-decade policy against direct talks with Iran.

    Just think, thirty years of US foreign policy may have been reversed because the president’s burrito was too spicy. Well, it could have been worse. Remember according to Bob Woodward we went to war in Iraq because of Bush’s reading of Tommy Franks body language.

    By the way, take a look a the picture which accompanies the Times article. It show Rice teaching the European negotiating team the proper use of the Hokey-Pokey in nuclear talks.

  • Steve, you know how they would respond–“Yeah but just last year our ‘horns whupped you Bucknuts…,” making that hook em horns sign and screaming yaaahooooeeeee.

  • For the life of me, I have never understood why Democratic candidates don’t make more of things like this. National Republican platforms in recent years have been nearly as crazy. But I don’t remember Dukakis, Clinton, Gore or Kerry ever standing up in a debate, citing a wildly-out-of-the-mainstream position from a Republican platform, and demanding that their opponent either confirm his support of that position, or disavow his party’s platform. Why?

  • I wonder what Ken Mehlman makes of this “Christian Nation” comment.
    I remember last year he ridiculed Howard Dean for calling the GOP a party of “rich white Christian males”, and played up the fact that he, a Jew, was head of the RNC.

    How about now, Ken?

  • BC – brilliant suggestion! Sometimes I think the Democrats just don’t realize how easy the Republicans make it for us. We’ve got these batshit crazy Texans, and screaming snake worshipers up a tree, and UFO-spotting military guys — a veritable zoo of screamingly funny stereotypes to hold up to ridicule and what do we do? Argue constitutional principles or fairness or….

    I’ve said this before. My favorite Dean of Arts and Sciences (now dead) wrote four books on the presidential nominating process, was a friend of Walter Cronkite’s, etc. When I’d wax philosophical Jim Davis would say “Aw c’mon, Ed, you gotta put the hay down on the ground where the goats can get at it.” All we have to do to put the hay down on the ground is cite such examples of Republican behavior.

  • Remember, “God’s Own Party” sounds much better in the original Arabic: Hitzbollah.

  • So it’s “American English” eh? That’s too bad, since no Texan can speak it. Not unless they spit out all the Armadillo shit in their “caw” first, and then they still can’t speak American English.

    Proof about my theory of Texas – it’s a magnifying glass – everything there – the loonies, the hippies, the cowboys, whatever, is 200% of normal size.

  • Hey, I’m all for outlawing the use of a “u” in color, honor, and so forth. Doesn’t seem like enough of an issue for a platform plank, though.

  • Supposedly, the terms of the Republic of Texas’s inclusion into the USA gives them the right to secede from the Union at any time.

    I say let them secede.

    Better yet, kick them the fuck out.

  • My favorite from the Texas Republican’t party platform is the section declaring the U.S. should reclaim Panama, using military force if necessary.

    Those people just ain’t right.

  • Maybe in a couple of years they’ll get audacious enough to stage GOP rallies with flags hung to form a cross. That would be hilarious.

  • You know, I’d really like to just find the platform posted in its entirety on the web somewhere. But that doesn’t seem to be available. All I find is extracts and opinions.

  • It hit me while reading this that the reason the R strategists are so busy promoting wedge issues that fire up the base is so that the base won’t stop to think about the fact that their kids aren’t getting a good education, that their health care is bad, that they aren’t making it economically, that the war and the economy is down the tubes. The very things that the Rs are failing in addressing miserably.

    Well, the rapture is coming, so I guess it doesn’t matter! :-p

  • Hey Lance, here’s the Texas GOP’s 2004 Platform:

    http://www.texasgop.org/site/DocServer/RPTPlatform2004.pdf?docID=121

    Among other lunacies, it says “the Ten Commandments are the basis of our basic freedoms” and “We call for the abolition of the U. S. Department of Education”.

    I also saw this…

    We therefore urge…Congress to immediately cut all foreign aid to any nation threatening our citizens and providing aid or comfort to terrorist organizations or providing arms to other nations hostile to the United States.

    I wonder if they mean we should cut off aid to Israel? (Israel is China’s second largest arms supplier)

    Probably not.

    And then there’s this…

    The Party demands the elimination of presidential authority to issue executive orders, presidential decision directives, and other administrative mandates that do not have congressional approval. Further, we demand a repeal of all previous executive orders and administrative mandates.

    Good luck with that one!

    I wonder if the average Republican wants the minimum wage repealed?

    We further support the abolition of… the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms; the position of Surgeon General; the Environmental Protection Agency; the Departments of Energy, Housing and Urban Development, Health and Human Services, Education, Commerce, and Labor. These authorities should be eliminated or, where needed, transferred to the state or local governments. We also call for the de–funding and abolition of the National Endowment for the Arts and the Public Broadcasting System.

    And can someone please ask George Bush if he supports this

    the United States Border Patrol [should] be deployed within the U.S. to locate and secure all illegal aliens who have previously entered our country and expedite their return to their source country.

  • I forgot the wackiest part:

    The Party urges Congress to evict the United Nations from the United States

  • Thanks RacerX

    Well, it just proves, you can’t be too nutty if you are from Texas.

  • And then there’s this…

    The Party demands the elimination of presidential authority to issue executive orders, presidential decision directives, and other administrative mandates that do not have congressional approval. Further, we demand a repeal of all previous executive orders and administrative mandates.

    Someone should explain to these idiots that our whole intelligence classification system is based solely on executive orders, and every piece of secret and top secret intelligence we keep would be put out in the public domain if they got their way.

    Sort of like the damage of revealing the names of a million Valerie Plames all at once.

    F**king Morons!

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