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Alan has the Keyes to the presidency

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Guest Post by Morbo

I’ve been depressed over Alan Keyes’ failure to win the nomination of the Constitution Party. What’s a presidential race without Keyes? The crazed, right-wing loon, who appears not to have a real job, runs every year for something. With his failure to secure the Constitution Party nod, it looked like Keyes might have to sit this one out.

But no worries. Alan is in the race! He’s running under the banner of the California wing of the American Independent Party. Students of political science might remember this party as a political unit formed by George Wallace in 1968 to promote his segregationist views. I was surprised to learn it is still around. (Check out the photo of party Vice Chair Mark Seidenberg. Where can I get a purple blazer like that? And wearing it with that bright green shirt — smooth!)

So why is Alan running under the California branch of this party? It’s complicated, but it sounds like some kind of internecine dispute occurred. Right winger David Horowitz tries to explain it on his site, but it’s probably more info than most of us need. The important thing is that Keyes is running, although he might not be on the ballot anywhere but California.

Lacking ballot access in 49 states would be a daunting challenge to most candidates. Not Keyes. He’ll just have to rely on word of mouth to publicize his super-charged campaign and carry him into the White House as a write-in candidate. Given his dynamic oratory, I have no doubt Keyes can pull it off — or, at least, convince enough suckers to give him money so as to stave off getting a real job for a few more years.

As an added bonus, Alan’s running mate is the Rev. Wiley Drake, a deranged California minister who has the habit of praying for the deaths of his opponents.

Bust out the tin-foil hats, kiddies! It’s going to be a fun ride.

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