Benedict Arnold, Karl Rove and other overlooked heroes of American history

Guest Post by Morbo

The Carpetbagger has been all over “Rovegate” since it was called the Plame Game. I’ve refrained from writing about it, since the ‘Bagger’s commentary has been so thorough and insightful. (And I’m not just saying that to suck-up because he runs the blog. By the way, has anyone else noticed his rugged good looks and winning personality?)

Anyway, I can keep silent no longer. The right wing’s claim that Karl Rove is a hero who deserves a medal for outing a CIA agent to reporters got me to thinking of other unsung heroes of American history. These are people who, at first glance, might not look like heroes — until, as Paul Harvey says, you know “the rest of the story.”

I’d like to outline a few of these people and discuss why they, like Rove, are tragically overlooked American heroes. I can only hope that someday these folks will get the recognition they deserve for their contributions to this great nation.

Let’s get started:

Benedict Arnold: This gutsy Revolutionary War officer was astute enough to realize that West Point was not a secure military facility. Because no one would listen to him, Arnold took the drastic step of selling West Point’s plans to the British. Sure, it looked like treason at first, but something had to be done to get everyone’s attention. For his efforts, Arnold was forced out of the army and actually had to join the British side! After the war, he had to live in Canada.

Aaron Burr: Appalled by the sickening loss of life caused by silly duels, Aaron Burr decided to teach the nation a lesson by killing the much-loved Alexander Hamilton on the field of honor. Still not done trying to make America a better place, Burr a few years later selflessly set out to help the new nation understand that its borders were too porous by raising a private army and going downriver to seize New Orleans and establish a Mexican empire.

John Wilkes Booth: Booth was smart enough to know that the president’s security was lax. As an actor, he knew that one dramatic act could get everyone’s attention and highlight the dangers of this loose arrangement. Thus, Booth slipped into Abraham Lincoln’s box while he was at the theater and shot him in the head, killing him and proving beyond all doubt that presidents need more guards. Amazingly, the nation refused to recognize this heroic deed and actually had Booth hunted down like a dog!

John Dillinger: People thought their money was safe in banks. Brave John Dillinger knew better. Most banks just weren’t very secure. To demonstrate the dangers of trusting money to banks, Dillinger and his associates embarked on a nationwide educational campaign of going into banks with guns and stealing the money. Was Dillinger thanked for this public service campaign? No! He was killed by the police. But today, thanks to Dillinger’s vision, most banks are much more secure, and federal laws protect your money in case of theft. Yet, incredibly, there are no statues of John Dillinger anywhere in the country!

Robert Hanssen: This whistle-blowing FBI agent became concerned when he realized that Russian KGB double agents secretly working for America were not well concealed. To highlight the problem, Hanssen exposed the agents, leading to their deaths. Instead of being thanked for exposing a dangerous lapse in security, Hanssen was sent to prison!

I’d like to see information about Rove and these other unsung American hero whistle-blowers put into a new Smithsonian Museum right on the National Mall, so future generations will understand the full extent of their sacrifice for our nation. I need your help! Please share your ideas for other honorees in the comments section along with your reasons why they, like Rove, are true American heroes. Thank you, and God bless America.

Ya know, Morbo, your talent is wasted in the private sector; I’m sure Rove will soon beat a path to your door to recruit you as his heir apparent!!

As to your National Mall tribute to these so-misunderstood characters in American history, may I humbly submit that the name of the Museum be:

“Modern Unsung Dieties – Heroes Of Lofty Eschatology”

That would, of course, make it the “M.U.D.-H.O.L.E.” Fitting, yes?

P.S. “es-cha-tol-o-gy” – “2: a belief concerning death, the end of the world, or the ultimate destiny of mankind.” Webster’s 9th New Collegiate Dictionary.

  • What Nixon isn’t on the list? I still hear people say that he was a good president and that he just got caught doing what every other politician does. Of course we know that by breaking into Democratic Party Headquarters that he was saving America from being overrun by those godless communists.

    After reading the one where you mentioned John Wilkes Booth I had a couple of other thoughts about similar incidents in the last century but decided that I didn’t need to go there, there are a few subjects that just don’t need to be broached.

  • I have one real problem with including Turd Blossom in that rogues gallery: It took real courage for Arnold, Burr, Booth, et al. to do the things they did.

  • Copyright this post Morbo, because when the right wing is finished with creationism and writes the school textbook “American History According to the Right Wing,’ this post will be well plagiarized. I can even hear the voice of Bill O’Reilly reading this for the books on tape version. Scary.

  • While we’re at it why not rehabilitate that great American Lee Harvey Oswald. He knew America was getting complacent with all that post
    World War II properity and the mental rot that comes with long years of peace. Besides he was visionary in that he wanted to point out that
    better security for the President was needed. All he really wanted to do that day in Dallas was to demonstrate how vulnerable our national leaders
    really are. It’s really surprising the National Rifle Association hasn’t nominated him for a medal and for pointing out just how important
    it is for Americans to keep firearms available to protect our freedoms.
    You would at least expect they’d rename Dealy Plaza after him.

  • Oh, if we include Lee Harvey Oswald, then we must also include the Palestinian militant Sirhan Sirhan, who was a Catholic by the way. Sirhan believed that protection of presidents wasn’t enough, and should be extended to presidential candidates as well. He was proved right when he shot and killed Senator Robert Kennedy. Unfortunately, Sirhan soon afterwards claimed not to remember committing his brave act, and then felt maybe he’d been brainwashed by the CIA. But Rove denies any responsibility for his brave act too. So memory isn’t a prerequisite for inclusion in our hall of fame.

  • I hear people talking about how, if they don’t get Rove for blowing Plame’s cover, they should at least get him for lying about it afterward – the Martha Stewart crime.

    The only difference between Rove and Hanssen was numbers and motivation. The crime was the same. Hanssen, arguably one of the most damaging traitors in modern history, should be linked to Rove at every possible opportunity.

    Maybe we should start calling it “Doing Martha Stewart time for the Robert Hanssen crime”.

  • NONE OF YOU PEOPLE EVER GOT THE MESSAGE…Morbo’s writing is all tongue-firmly-in-cheek. Arrgh!

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