Driving lesbians across the Potomac

December 24, 2005

Guest Post by Morbo

The Washington Post Magazine had an interesting cover story recently about Barbara Kenny and Tibby Middleton, a lesbian couple from Virginia who were so worried about the state’s new anti-gay marriage law that they moved to Maryland.

Read it. It will tear your heart out.

What’s so sad about the story is that Virginia’s law is draconian and punitive. It goes way beyond banning same-sex marriage and also bars same-sex couples from receiving any of the protections or benefits of married couples.

Kenny and Middleton, who are both in their 60s, are worried about end-of-life issues, and rightly so. The couple has been together for 40 years. Yet, thanks to the Virginia law, if one of them falls seriously ill, the other has no right to make hospital visitations or handle medical decisions.

The couple’s friends and neighbors in Fredericksburg, Va., were unanimous in saying that they were sorry to see Kenny and Middleton go — yet some of them could not bring themselves to criticize the law that drove the pair out. One woman, a bank teller who served the couple for years, hugged Kenny and Middleton before they moved but then told The Post she could not condemn the anti-gay law, remarking, “I can’t get into the rules and regulations, and I’d rather not comment on that. It’s very complex.”

Actually, it’s not very complex at all. This couple has been together 40 years. They are denied the basic rights Brittney Spears and her husband of the day got as soon as they said “I do” — whether they remain married for a week, month or year. These rights are important but not really all that exciting: the right to own property jointly, the right to hospital visitations, the right to pass along survivor benefits, etc.

As I read the piece, I kept waiting for some religious right nimrod to announce that same-sex relationships cannot receive state sanction because the purpose of marriage is to raise children. Patricia Phillips of Concerned Women for America came right through.

As The Post magazine reported:

Gay marriage, she argues, separates the institution from its original purpose: having children. And in doing so, it further weakens the traditional family unit, which she believes is so fundamental to the country’s social and economic fabric.

OK, if that’s the standard, then we must immediately nullify all marriages that are childless due to choice, age or medical conditions. Vasectomies and tubal ligations must be banned.

Better yet, let’s pass three new laws. The first would state that no heterosexual couple can get married unless the woman is already pregnant. The purpose of marriage is child-rearing, after all, and people should not be allowed to enter into marriage unless we know they are serious about having children. A mere promise is not good enough. There needs to be a bun in the oven. Then second law would nullify all marriages as soon as the last child produced reaches age 18. Once the children are legally adults, there is obviously no more reason for the marriage to go on. The third law would state that any same-sex couple that adopts a child must immediately get married.

It sounds pro-family to me. How about it, Ms. Phillips?

Gets my vote.

  • It’s funny that the wingnuts don’t care about defending marriage from rapists, murderers, wife beaters and child abusers. You know – people who could damage an actual marriage.

  • Let’s see… I’ve been in a committed relationship with my same-sex partner for 30 years now. We work hard. We obey the laws. We pay our taxes. (In fact we pay a LOT of taxes to educate other people’s children, which we’re happy to do because it’s for the good of society). We vote. We take out the garbage and sweep the snow from the sidewalk in winter. We mind our own business.

    Would someone please explain to me how that threatens a heterosexual marriage?

    It seems to me that most of the failed marraiges I know of are due to financial stress, mutual incompatibility, emotional immaturity of one or both partners at the time of marriage, or the inability of one partner (usually, but not always, male) to resist temptation of the heterosexual sort. I don’t think its reasonable to blame me and my partner for that!

    As Barney Frank once said to Bob Barr… “Which one of your three marriages did my relationship with a man destroy?”

  • A civil union, partnership contract or other arrangement between persons of the same sex purporting to bestow the privileges or obligations of marriage is prohibited and such an arrangement entered into in another state or jurisdiction is void in Virginia and any contractual rights created thereby are void and unenforceable.

    Where in the Virginia statute does it ban power of attorney?

  • Would someone please explain to me how that threatens a heterosexual marriage?

    That’s something my girlfriend & I have asked ourselves ever since the wingnuts started pushing their anti-gay-marriage petition here in MA. The only answer we can come up with is “It doesn’t.” If anything, I believe gay marriage PROMOTES straight marriage, or at least promotes committed mutually-supportive relationships in general. That’s something society SHOULD promote, not any specific kind of relationship.

    I’m proud to be from the only state that has legalized gay marriage. If the wingnuts don’t like it, there are plenty of other places that will welcome them. They should go there.

  • All this extremely conservative fol de rol seems inane on the surface. What’s being missed here is the great American Myths it plays into. The first is the ‘Leave it to Beaver’ myth – the wonderful loving family. This is deeply ingrained into our psyches. Concerned Women for America taps into that. Liberal intellectuals see right through the scam but the ‘average American’ is not likely to be so certain that there’s a shyster in the mix.

    Communications Departments at Universities all over the country are reeling in horror at how the tools of cognitive science and linguistics are being used effectively by the right and laughed at by progressives. We’ve got to come up with some counter myths.

    Many Americans have never met gay people, in fact ‘most’ is probably the correct assumption. The myths of families that most Americans hold deeply have no way of accomodating gays.

    What is the myth that activates empathy and understanding in most citizens?

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