Fancy Cheney

March 24, 2006

A couple of weeks ago, Republicans thought it was so hilarious that Rep. Harold Ford, a Dem Senate candidate in Tennessee, enjoyed nice hotels and amenities, that they created a borderline-racist website called “Fancy Ford.” The GOP response was that Ford’s race was irrelevant — they just wanted to mock Ford for his preference for comfortable amenities.

With this in mind, I guess ridiculing Diva Dick is fair game.

Like any big rock star, Dick Cheney needs a soothing environment after a long day on the road. Now we know just what he likes waiting in his hotel room.

The “Vice Presidential Downtime Requirements” published yesterday on the Smoking Gun is a list of the veep’s home-away-from-home comforts provided to hotels by Cheney’s advance team. (The Web site obtained a copy from a hotel employee.) No over-the-top demands, just a few specific requests:

* A queen- or king-size bed, desk and chair, and private bathroom.

* All lights turned on and the temperature set at a chilly 68 degrees.

* All televisions tuned to Fox News.

* A fresh pot of decaf, four cans of Caffeine-Free Diet Sprite, four to six bottles of water, and (if Lynne Cheney is traveling with her husband) two bottles of Calistoga or Perrier sparkling water.

Wait, isn’t Perrier French?

Nevertheless, the Fox News preference is hardly surprising. After a hard day of demagoguery, it must be nice to have a network tell you how right you are.

It is actually comforting to know that Cheney is out of D.C. so much that he has his hotel room requirements written up. He causes far less mischief out there than back here I suspect.

  • All the lights on seems the strangest to me. Doesn’t the Secrect Service go into a room before he does to check it out? Wouldn’t they be in charge of turning on the lights? And why not order up a little something for the hard working Agents while he’s at it?

  • The Fox News thing is incredibly revealing. Until now the only evidence we had that these guys talk only to themselves and refuse to listen to contrary views, as if in an endless loop, was hearsay from disgruntled and anonymous staffers. Now we have proof.

  • He would save energy and still hold off the terrors of the dark to opt for a night light.

  • Jon Stewart had a great time with this last night. He was hilarious, particularly when discussing the 68-degree room temperature, which (and I’m paraphrasing) “is the optimal temperature for reptiles.”

  • Does the hotel have to have a gun locker and a nice oil rag so he can wipe down his shotgun? (messy shooting friends at close range, you know.)

  • rege,
    He’s paranoid that there’s a pissed off quail with a garrot hiding behind the recliner

  • Even more revealing is that he feels the need to specifically require a “private bathroom”. Is he so insecure that he thinks he might get stuck in some dump where you have to *share* a bathroom unless he asks for a private one up front?

    I mean, really, what kind of hotels was he hanging out in before he got insanely rich? I guess the memories fade slowly. 😉

  • “All televisions tuned to Fox News”

    Oooh K, why? I understand that this is their mouthpiece, but to demand that this channel is on……

    Is he afraid of hearing another viewpoint (can’t get too worked up with that “heart” of his),? or

    Perhaps he (and the Secret Service) does not know how to switch to a different channel? Too much work to do that?

    You folks got any other theories?

  • “All televisions tuned to Fox News”

    Strictly precautionary and in the interest of National Security…wouldn’t want to run the risk of being exposing the VPOTUS to unFair and/or unBalanced news coverage while flipping through the channels desparately seeking Fox.

    It also prevents the inadvertant viewing of any “wardrobe malfunction” footage that might be cluttering up the airwaves and damaging Christian morality…again, while flipping through the channels looking for, um, “…say Vern, could you go back to that one station for just a sec?” “Yessir, Mr. Vice President.”

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