George W. Bush, author

You’ve got to be kidding me.

To the list of those penning books about the prez add the most authoritative source of all: [tag]President[/tag] [tag]Bush[/tag]. Insiders say that he’s been working on the project for a year. “He’s doing a [tag]memoir[/tag],” one insider says. “He’s keenly interested in it.”

As U.S. News explained, our alleged [tag]author[/tag]-in-chief hasn’t actually started [tag]writing[/tag] yet, but “he and his aides have been packaging the stuff he wants to reference so that he’ll be ready to write when the project moves into that stage.” That may not come until after Bush leaves office.

Now, it’s hard to resist the cheap, easy joke here. [tag]Bush[/tag] isn’t known for having, shall we say, a way with words. He also hasn’t shown any real predilection for introspection, analysis, details, research, or even reading much. When Stephen Colbert jokes, “I don’t trust books; they’re all fact, no heart,” he seems to convey a Bush-like view of the world.

And yet, the White House has leaked word to U.S. News that Bush is “keenly interested” in a book project. As long as his ghost writers don’t expect too much guidance along the way, the process should go relatively smoothly.

Here’s a thought: anyone have any guesses as to what the book should be called?

Heckuva Job

  • “WAR! President: How I was called by God to save America”

    Does Bush not have enough to keep him busy? Is he applying his keen mind to this project during his vacation and long bike rides? Shouldn’t he be finding Osama Bin Laden or dealing with North Korea, or Iran, or Iraq, or Israel and Gaza, or Health Care, or Katrina….???

  • This is odd, but not for the obvious reason. You typically don’t consider writing memoir until a particular phase of your life is over. Does this indicate that Bush now considers his presidency over?

  • “Technical Manual on Brush Clearing and Issue Avoidance”, with a foreword by Dr. Richard Tubb titled, “The Risks and Dangers of Eating Pretzels”.

  • I’m more interested in the “he and his aides have been packaging the stuff he wants to reference so that he’ll be ready to write when the project moves into that stage.” quote. Does that mean that this stuff is going to be conveniently unavailable to anyone?

  • Fuyura

    No, it means that the memoir will be a carefully crafted piece of propoganda meant to elevate his post-White House profile in the same way that Republicans have made Reagan seem like the second coming of Christ, when in fact his administration was also scandal-plagued and terrorist-enabling. In addition, Bush’s handlers don’t want him to get off message. I’m sure Regnery or Crown Forum or one of the other hate publishers will cheerfully snap it up.

  • “Mission (to shred the Constitution) Accomplished!”

    Whatever the title – it has to be as short as his attention span.

  • Incurious George Writes a Book
    My “Pet” Goat – Flashbacks from a Drug-Addled Youth
    Dumb and Dubya
    Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them – the Insider Version

  • Not sure I can come up with any titles better than what’s already been proposed, but I get the feeling it’ll be written with Crayon on a Big Chief tablet …

  • Maybe I should just submit one eh???

    How I Caught Saddam, Solved Global Warming, and Spread Democracy (includes a new chapter: Crawford’s Best Bike Trails and Fish Holes).

    Aside: sorry couldn’t resist packaging it as a whole…

  • Confessions of a Dangerous Mind – How I Was a Preznit by Day, and hired CIA assassin by night. By Commander “Codpiece” Cody Bush

    Call now to order and get a bonus offer. My Favorite Cookie Recipes, by Laura “Pickles” Bush

  • “I’m more interested in the “he and his aides have been packaging the stuff he wants to reference so that he’ll be ready to write when the project moves into that stage.” quote. Does that mean that this stuff is going to be conveniently unavailable to anyone?” – fuyura

    It’s called hiding the evidence 😉

    And the title will be “How to make Work make Vacation seem More Enjoyable”.

  • Strategeries, Catapultings and Deciderings
    of a President

    “I’m the memoirerer,” says Bush, on his book tour.

  • Dang Hark. I thought mine was funny, until I read your faux-Bush quote and laughed out loud. Hopefully, Al Franken or Stephen Colbert will write a parody of Bush’s memoir with your quote as its title.

    I’m the Memoirerer

    Beautiful.

  • Great stuff everyone. You’ve got a clever bunch of readers, CB.

    Daddy Dearest
    Laura in Leather: Global Warming My Ass
    A Dolt’s in Charge
    Tuesdays with Rovey
    Getting to Second Base with Wealthy Saudi’s: When hand-holding just isn’t enough.
    1000 Favorite Nicknames
    Fail It Forward
    What I Did During the War. (an alternate title for koreyel’s Crawford’s Best Bike Trails.)

  • Actually, it won’t have a title. It’ll be a packaged volume of blank paper—courtesy of his “home-boys” over at NSA. It will however, come with a GPS-capable microprocessor, a miniature microphone, and a teeny-tiny video-camera….

  • A West Texas Girl, Just Like Me
    .
    Fool Me Once
    Shame On You, Me. Fool Me, You Can’t Get Fooled Again
    .

  • Boy George II is going to find out just how hard everybody else’s lives have been when he actually has to read his own words a week later and try to figure out WHAT THE F**K DID I MEAN BY THAT?

    Lots of LOL titles, by the way, but I think MLC’s “My Pet Scapegoat” may win the LOL award.

  • I don’t have a title, though I’m not sure a ten-page pamphlet merits a title…

    Foreword by Larry King, perhaps?

    Or maybe Jane Goodall?

  • “Here’s one more for good measure:

    The Optimistic Rug” – prm

    Isn’t that just a nickname for a man’s hairpiece?

  • How to lose friends and swiftboat people … The silence of the critics (“Clarice, do you still here the democratic lambs screaming?”) … An inconvenient Saddam … oh where does the list end?

    They say the victors get to write history. But regardless of how W wants to edit reality, the flood of commentary going the other way should be able to drown the simple ramplings of a simple minded man.

  • We’re all forgetting that he “creates his own reality”. We’re choosing titles we’d like him to use. The actual title will probably be something more like:

    “The Greatest Man That Ever Lived”

    or

    “Being The Best, And Being Disliked For It”

    or

    “God Made The Difficult Decisions”

  • What he’d like to say is
    “I’m Better Than My Dad”

    What he should say is
    “My Mom Said I Could be President”

    Or
    “I’m Entitled”

    And all should be published under the pseudonym The Regal Moron

  • Barry, if Bush does use the title “Presidency for Dummies” we can nail him for plagiarizing. Here is the proof that the book has been written and Bush is familiar with it.

  • An American Tragedy

    (That title might be the only thing with his name on it that bears any resemblance to the truth.)

  • How ’bout one of these……

    You Are What You Wear
    (cod piece, cowboy outfit, flight suit)

    Dems Are From Mars, I’m From Your Anus
    (and no, that ain’t in Texas)

    The Codfather
    (apologies to Mario Puzo)

    Photo Op: Capturing the Bush Years in Pictures
    (still took him 6 years to write)

    CLUELESS
    (submitted by Ann Coulter)

    Go FOX Yourself
    (forward by Dick Chaney)

    It Takes A Village…..Idiot

  • Das Blank
    The Vice President of the United States: My Pet Dick
    Of Mice and Me
    One Presided Over the Cuckoos Nest
    Beowoof
    Blithering Heights
    The Oddity
    For Who the Hell Told
    As I Lay Choking
    Mostly Dick
    The Dime Bag of Courage
    War and More War

    And many, many more…

  • LOL Award Nominees:

    “It Takes A Village…..Idiot” – Texas Dem
    “My Pet Scapegoat” – MLC
    “In My Own Crayons” – david
    “Getting to Second Base with Wealthy Saudi’s: When hand-holding just isn’t enough” – Dale

  • Considering tht he fancies himself a cowboy…

    “Lamesome Duck”

    Apologies to Larry McMurtry.

  • The book I want to see him write is “Why I shouldn’t have been impeached”.

  • LOL Award Nominees:

    “It Takes A Village…..Idiot” – Texas Dem
    “My Pet Scapegoat” – MLC
    “In My Own Crayons” – david
    “Getting to Second Base with Wealthy Saudi’s: When hand-holding just isn’t enough” – Dale
    “Lamesome Duck” – tosser
    “Lie_Bold” – Goldilocks

    All excellent suggestions, in my opinion.

  • “How to Raise Twins & Influence People”
    (of course, the presidential library will be located in an undisclosed location, to be opened in 2100, for security reasons…) ^..^

  • The book I want to see him write is “Why I shouldn’t have been impeached”.

    Comment by N.Wells (#70)

    Adjust that to: “Why I Shouldn’t BE Impeached”, and I’m with you. Publication date Nov.15 ’06

  • Math for Presidents: How to factor American values to the lowest common denominator.

  • I don’t know about a title, but I know what will be in it.

    “9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11, 9/11…”

    …………………………………………………………………………………………. — Matt (#55)

    .. as in ” Say It With Towers ” ??

  • “Leaker N Thief”

    “The Rich Man’s Guide on How to Steal 2 Elections”

    “How to Constantly Be On Vacation While Working”

  • Seriously, he’ll call it “Defending Freedom”. Since 9/11, irony is dead!

  • “An Honest and inerspectif Luuk At mY Leg -assy”

    or “How a Preziddend Lerned to right!”

    Some of these you guys wrote are brilliant. I’m just rambling, so full of fear, knowing he might actually publish a book with letters and stuff! That;s a scary thought…

    Bet it will be a huge hit wtih the religious right. Too bad they’ll never know the truth!

    Parker

  • Love #2, 18 and 21. And if anyone’s read down this far, here’s mine:

    How To Ruin a Democracy in 10 Easy Steps

    Who Says you Need Intelligence to Run a Country??

    How I Ran A Nation in My Spare Time (and how you can too)

    Decidings of the Decider

    I Was As Surprised As You! (My memoirs on how I got in charge of the most powerful county in the world.)

    alternately: Shock and Awe at how I got in charge of the most powerful country in the world

  • The Puppet Years
    subtitle: My years in the Cheney White House — I wished I had known more!

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