God gives Robertson the inside scoop

January 4, 2006

Around this time of year, it’s pretty common for pundits and writers to look ahead and make predictions about what to expect in the year to come. Fortunately, Pat Robertson doesn’t need to speculate about what 2006 has in store for the world — God personally tells him what’s going to happen.

TV preacher Pat Robertson says 2006 will be a good year for President George W. Bush, Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito, the Republicans in Congress and Robertson’s broadcast ministry, but a bad year for most everyone else.

On his “700 Club” program today, Robertson revealed his recent conversation with God in which the deity shared with the televangelist the upcoming events of the year. Robertson, founder of the Christian Coalition, is a long-time booster of Bush and conservative Republican politics. He has also advocated confirmation of Alito and stacking the federal courts with justices who oppose church-state separation, reproductive rights and gay rights.

In his report today, Robertson said, “Bush is going to strengthen in 2006. The fall elections will be inconclusive, but the outcome of the war and the success of the economy will leave Republicans in charge…. And Alito is gonna get confirmed. I believe another liberal judge is going to retire, step down from the Court; we’ll have another opening there. The war in Iraq is going to come to a successful conclusion, and we’ll begin withdrawing troops before the end of the year.”

What a remarkable coincidence. Robertson would like to see certain things happen, and sure enough, God directly communicates with this TV preacher to assure him that his dreams will come true. As my friend Barry Lynn put it, “Isn’t it odd that God’s prophecies and Robertson’s political agenda are one and the same? Could it be that Pat is confusing his wish-list for God’s will?”

For what it’s worth, God’s also gave Robertson some inside tips about natural disasters and terrorism.

Robertson warned, “It’s a bad word for the sinners. This is not going to be a fun time. They’ve gotten away with it, gotten away with it, gotten away with it, and God says, ‘You’re not going to get away with it any more. I’m going to bring my judgment on those who are blaspheming my name, who are breaking my laws, who are violating my commandments.’ You know, this is going to be the year when the hand of the Lord will be felt, and those, again worldwide, who are standing up against God.”

Something to look out for, I guess.

Update: Apparently, Robertson’s predictions from last year didn’t work out too well, so I guess you sinners can rest easy.

Shorter Robertson: It is sin to question the GOP, and it is sin for one’s interests to be different than that of the GOP.

Robertson’s message is really nothing new. It started with the Sumerians and was already in place at the dawn of history. Religion has always been government’s tool.

  • I guess the difference between Robertson and some people who have been institutionalized for hearing voices and supposedly talking to God, is that they were called schizophrenic and he is called a preacher. Heck Joan of Arc was burned at the stake.

  • ET,
    It’s not schizophrenia. When you’re a religious leader who gets lots of perks from being pals with a certain group of political leaders, you might hear God too. And, no surpise, He’d be very sympathetic to your friends.

    Seriously, all that stuff about hearing God is just fluff for the ignorant rubes to reassure them and forestall any questioning. It’s best to think of Robertson as an eclesiastical version of Bill O’Reilly or Charles Krauthammer. The message is the same, except that Robertson and friends add religious elements to their propaganda.

  • “Also, I see a handsome, dark stranger in your future. And you will suffer a loss sometime before Thanksgiving…”

    Talk to God, and your religious. Talk to Napolean, and your insane. It’s so unfair.

  • Robertson warned, “It’s a bad word for the sinners. This is not going to be a fun time. They’ve gotten away with it, gotten away with it, gotten away with it, and God says, ‘You’re not going to get away with it any more. I’m going to bring my judgment on those who are blaspheming my name, who are breaking my laws, who are violating my commandments.’ You know, this is going to be the year when the hand of the Lord will be felt, and those, again worldwide, who are standing up against God.”

    I’ll take this seriously once God zaps Robertson with a lightning bolt.

  • Roberston should ask God who will win the Rose Bowl. I am sure Bill Bennet would make it worth his while.

  • Really. We should stop giving this guy the benefit of our attentions. He has no redeeming qualities and he lives and thrives by the controversy he causes and the attention he seeks. Just shut him out. Pat who?

  • The problem is that God doesn’t zap Robertson. Robertson can be wrong on every prediction he makes, yet as long as he can hoodwink ignorant and unsuspecting members of the American public to send him more money, and as long as his show is improperly carried on the cable airwaves, Robertson will think he is successful and that his continued success is a sign that he is in God’s favor. Whether he is or not. Whether there is a God or not. Megalomaniac.

  • “They’ve gotten away with it, gotten away with it, gotten away with it…..”

    What, God wasn’t paying attention before? He was taking out his laundry or playing mah jong, maybe?

    It’s a shandra for the goyim, I’m telling you!!! 🙁

  • Just shut him out. Pat who?

    It’s a fair argument, but I just find the guy so darn entertaining.

    Besides, it’s worth remembering that Robertson enjoys close ties to Bush and the Republican establishment. The more we highlight his nuttiness, the more it reflects poorly on the GOP.

  • Pat, and all the tent preachers like him, say that crap at the first of every year. It’s always the last days, it’s always the dawn of a new era. Hell, why wait for a new year when you can say it all the time, and they do. They were always the first spin doctors, and totally without shame.

    Are we suprised that the feeble minded follow these charlatans from coast to coast? No, we are just grateful that they stay distracted most of the time.

  • That’s a good point, CB, and it allows me to ask something else that my first point precluded. Is it an annual exercise for him to tell us what God tells him will happen in future years? Can we go back and look at (and laugh at) what he said God “told” him would happen in 2005, etc?

  • Well, since I committed my fair share of sins this past year. And on the outside chance, that the Right Reverend Robertson might accidentally hit on one of his predictions, I’m going to be prepared. I know it’s highly unlikely that he’ll be right, but remember “even a blind squirrel finds an acorn once in awhile.” So, with that in mind, I’m going to hedge my bets, cover my bases and ‘git right’ with Pat. Tonight I’m going to pray that the government forces the cable companies to broadcast the 700 Club show in heaven.

  • Rian,
    Read some of Gore Vidal’s essays in his “United States” and the resemblance of the GOP and the religious right of today versus thirty, forty years ago would stun you. In particular, Falwell and other “Christers” makes several appearances in the essays, making all kinds of noise that sound just like the noise they make today. The religious right is following the same playbook that they have always followed. Nothing new under the sun.

    I agree about mentioning Falwell and Robertson as much as possible. By all means, we should trumpet to the Christer rubes that their own leaders have betrayed them–pretending to do God’s work until it’s politically inconvenient for the GOP.

  • Just goes to show that the leaders of the right-wing cultists don’t really want to win, they just want the culture wars to go on so they can keep getting rich and powerful without needing to hold down a real job.

    Shouldn’t somebody inform their poor sheep, uh, followers about that? Nah, they’d never believe it……

  • Here is a list of Pat Robertson’s predictions from last year (as summarized on mediamatters.org):

    -“I think the American stock market is going to surge upward”
    It actually ended down for the year

    -“[God] will remove judges from the Supreme Court”
    Even a broken clock is right twice a day

    -“many in the Muslim world and they will be turning to the gospel, to Jesus Christ”
    Really, guess I missed that one.

    -“2005 will be another good year for the world. The terrorist threat will diminish”
    Not according to the Vice President

    -“What I heard is that Bush is now positioned to have victory after victory…He’ll have Social Security reform passed”
    Or, not.

    Up next, I’m going back to 2004.

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