God’s favorite bacteria gets cool motor; you get hemorrhoids

October 22, 2005

Guest Post by Morbo

A lawsuit challenging the instruction of “intelligent design” in a public school in Dover, Pa., is winding down in Harrisburg. This week, pro-ID “scientists” began testifying. Among them was Michael Behe of Lehigh University.

On the witness stand, Behe brought up his favorite example of intelligent design in action: bacterial flagellum. Some microscopic bacteria have a little attachment, called a flagellum, that Behe likens to an outboard motor on a boat. As the Allentown Morning Call reported:

To back up his claims, Behe pointed to the existence of tails on microscopic bacteria, which he said closely resemble the outboard boat motor designed by man. Such a “flagellum” is as well designed as any engine and serves the same purpose — to propel the bacteria through the microscopic goo.

“The more parts are arranged and the more intricately they react, is evidence of design,” Behe said.

Actually no. Real scientists have explained how that thing got there through evolution. Even if the scientists had not, even if they were still puzzled, that would only mean that more research is needed. It would not excuse throwing up one’s hands and shouting, “I can’t figure this out. It must have been a miracle.”

Let’s assume for a minute the existence of flagellum remained a complete mystery. Let’s say no one could explain it. Let’s even pretend it is evidence of a designer. My question then is, “What does that say about the ‘designer’?”

The designer gave humans, supposedly his favorite species, the ultimate in his creation, his crowing achievement — a crummy spine that really does not support upright walking hairless primates very well. A lot of us have back problems.

The designer gave us a crappy, thrown-together and slipshod eye that is really poorly done. So a lot of us have vision problems.

The designer gave us internal organs that we don’t even use. A lot of us suffer from ruptured appendixes.

The designer gave us two sets of teeth. The first set falls out entirely. The second set often comes in all crooked. A lot of us need braces. Wisdom teeth become impacted, causing pain and leading to surgery.

The designer gave men nipples. He, she or it put hair in and on our ears. The designer gave us enormous cavities in our heads that fill up with gunk and cause allergies and sinus headaches. The designer made women susceptible to urinary tract infections.

The designer did all of this — yet he found time to give some bacteria a really cool propeller?

Stupid bacteria. God always liked them better.

LOL You’re on a roll today, Morbo. (You’re not Morbo Iff, the computer geek are you?) Believers in Intelligent Design are the biggest argument against Intelligent design. And, of course, if there is a designer who designed the designer. It’s turtles all the way up again.

Thanks for the laughs.

PS I’d post more comments but I keep getting the color question wrong.

  • Just for the hell of it, I’d like to see
    the syllabus for a college course
    in ID.

    “I can’t understand what happened
    to my homework, professor. I
    guess God must have eaten it.”

    Man, you could really take off on
    this.

  • 60 years ago, we humans discovered penicillin – just a wee bit of it would destroy nasty staph bacteria. Today, the little buggers have evolved multi-drug-resistant strains – why did the Intelligent Designer plan that? You must be right – He likes them better.

  • Since God doesn’t seem to be a hands on kind of guy (or gal), let’s assume that evolution is God’s way of creation. And ID is just a waste of time.

  • I’ve said it before: any decent engineer could design more efficient hands, flippers, bat wings, horse hooves, etc. than the one’s Nature made working off a five-fingered prototype (the hoof is the middle fingernail evolved; the other “toes” are almost not there, but they’re there).

  • I noticed the Google ads that are put on this page. You can see their logic at work. There’s 3 ads about Intelligent design. And one about Mercury Propellers, (Find the prop you need for your Mercury outboard or stern drive.
    http://www.boat-props.com) because of the mention that the flagellum is like an outboard motor. Good old computer brains. Always thinking.

  • So if the Big Kahuna was so smitten with “his” own image that he made humans in that image, then there must be some special concern for humans. Maybe. Some human’s think so anyway.

    So what’s up with mosquitos? They cause plenty of disease and discomfort. And body lice? What intelligent purpose do they serve? If we’re so intelligently designed, why can’t we quit wanting what other human’s have or stop killing humans who don’t look like us? What’s so intelligent about wanting more I-Pod’s and SUV’s while garbage dumps around the world are filling and overflowing and oceans are treated like septic tanks? Does G*d own stock in Wal-Mart and Waste Management?

    And if G*d made us in a G*dly mold, what about everything else? Was there a Universal Light and Magic run by some celestial George Lucas to help design everything else? Or did G*d sit up there for a week with organic molecules and a glue stick putting everything else together? What a bunch of crap.

    The more one ponders intelligent design, the less intelligent it gets. Michael Behe is a pain in the ass. His very existence says more about an Almighty appreciation of practical jokes than intelligent design.

  • Hmm.

    I can’t see how God’s complexity can be explained by natural selection, so he must have been designed by SOMEONE.

    THAT’s the person/thing who has a lot of explainin’ to do, because the God running this universe is apparently a wacko.

  • Creationism, Evolution, and ID are all ideas made up by man. None of us was there at the big bag or at the beginning of creation, which ever you believe in. ID is just a new idea and is bound to be scoffed at just like evolution was when it first appeared. Darwin said himself toward the end of his life that he was wrong. That doesn’t make evolution is less valid if you believe in it.

    I personally believe in God, there is just too much, of what I’d consider proof, to not.

    I’m on the fence on the issue of evolution. There are just too many discontinuities in any theory and to much unknown information about the universe for me to say I know one theory is correct.

    But I do have this to say about the whole debate. ID seems to me fit neatly with evolution.

    Interested in another way idea about ID? Do a google search for the article “God is the Machine”. It’s an interesting read, if a bit technical.

  • hi there the only problem i see with your argument is the argument itself. it was very funny but while looking through your examples i failed to find a single logical point.
    EVERY single example proved nothing. as a matter of fact every example you stated has been misused over and over and over by amatuers trying to seem like experts as they refute ID. they are as misproven as the peppered moth (and if you think that that is a good argument then i don’t know what is happening to our “thinking” people).
    i have looked into almost all of them and the arguments are illogical to the extreme, often taking major things out of context and overlooking Huge unfounded assumptions, etc.
    if you are going to write an article on something that you really don’t know anything about, at least get someone to help you or aknowledge your ignorance.
    thanks!
    sam

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