I hear Heaven is really going to the dogs

May 6, 2006

Guest Post by Morbo

I’m used to reading poll results that fill me with despair. More than half of Americans do not believe in evolution. Significant numbers think a UFO crashed near Roswell, N.M., in 1947 and space aliens were recovered. More than 30 percent of the population still thinks President George W. Bush is doing a good job.

But every now and then I see a poll result that makes me wonder if the public isn’t just pulling the pollster’s leg. This week, The Washington Post asked, “Do you think people’s pets like dogs and cats can go to Heaven when they die or do only people go to Heaven?”

Forty-three percent said they think pets go to Heaven. Twenty-eight percent said they don’t, and 22 percent said they are not sure. (Seven percent agree with me that there is no Heaven.)

But wait, it gets better. The Post then asked the 43 percent who believe in Heaven-bound pets this question: “Do you think people’s pets can go to Heaven even if their owners do not?” Ninety-three percent said yes.

Unfortunately, The Post did not ask about pets going to Hell. I love our family cat, but I have to say that sometimes she gives me the creeps. She’s coal black, and when she looks at me with those narrow yellow eyes, I feel she’s glaring into the depths of my soul (if I have such a thing). Surely this cat is familiar with Hell. And if she keeps scratching the furniture, she may get back there sooner than she thinks.

Just kidding. If there’s a kitty Heaven, I’m sure mine will be there with a big bowl of Science Diet that never goes dry — even if I don’t make the cut, which, to be honest, looks extremely doubtful.

I sympathize, CB. Our cat is a psycho-bitch from hell sometimes, and at others she’s a perfect sweetheart. That’s why we named her Roxy (after Roxy Hart from “Chicago”). She’s a little bit sweet, a little bit psychotic, and very mischievous.

If there is a heaven/hell, she’ll either be in limbo, or split her time equally between the two.

  • I’d like to have seen them ask if pets could go to hell.

    Man, I wish stuff like this surprised me.

  • I BELIEVE! …. ( in evolution).

    In light of your post, I’m beginning to believe that Homo Sapiens are not quite up to the intelligent adaption necessary for continued survival of the species.
    With Bush’s faith-based global policies, soon we’ll all be getting the chance to find out first hand about the afterlife.

  • What the hell does one do in heaven,
    anyway? An eternity spent floating
    around in a Percocet-like haze doesn’t
    sound very appealing to me. Do you
    still have to get up and go to work every day?

    I’m hoping you can opt out for eternal
    rest. I’m sure my cats would prefer
    that too, as that’s what they spend most
    of their time doing here on earth.

  • My wife want’s to know if your pet has to be baptized to go to heaven independently of it’s owner. Stuff like this is why I married her.

  • As a dog owner, I agree that it’s people who have to worry, not animals..

    “If there are no dogs in Heaven,
    then when I die I want to go where they went.”
    Will Rogers, 1897-1935

  • I’ll apply my non-judgemental, atheistic attitude to religion to the weirder stuff like this as well: whatever makes people feel comforted.

  • We have three cats and a Samoyed. We’ve always enjoyed pets. I feed a flock of blue jays (Stellars) every morniing, just outside the bedroom window. But this is poll items and results is further evidence (as if the White House and Congress weren’t enough) of the fundamentally insane nature of this country.

    I used to wish I could wind up in Limbo … a place of earthly delight where the unbaptized spent a sort of secular Eternity. Being something of a pantheist, I was also fairly certain that all my pets – all the animals, birds, fish, insects, trees, flowers and other unbaptized beings – could enjoy a natural existence with me. The fact that I was baptized as a week-old infant has nothing to do with it, imho – I never gave my permission – I belong in Limbo.

    Then, alas, this new Pope, Benedict XV, relegated Limbo to the graveyard of discarded theological concepts . Nothing else appeals to me, least of all an eternal choir practice. Actually, being anywhere without my friends (including my pets) would be Hell.

  • I’ll modify Will Rogers’ statement to “if there are no cats in heaven, I want to go where they went.”

    Myself, though it might sound sappy, I believe in the Rainbow Bridge – http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm – and have no plans on going further into the afterlife than the meadow spoken of therein, where me and the kitties can spend our time together in happiness.

    Given my choice between spending eternity with my cats and eternity with former human beings, the vote isn’t even close. I have yet to meet an animal that lies, cheats, steals, kills without good reason, fails to act honorably, or is in any way less than highly superior to 99% of the humans I know (this human included)

  • You’ve heard that “Cats have nine lives.” I believe that they do — existing concurrently in one feline. Let me illustrate: Several years ago I had to put my elderly cat to sleep after living with her for seventeen years. About a week after her death, as I was removing groceries from the trunk of my car, a strange cat that I had never seen before appeared, jumped into the trunk and allowed me to pet it for about a minute. It then jumped out of the trunk and walked away. I never saw it again. I am firmly convinced that the soul of my dead cat entered the body of the new cat and showed up just to let me know that she was forgiving of my putting her to sleep. So — as the soul of a newly-dead cat enters the body of a live cat, the oldest soul residing in the body of the live cat is released to enter cat Nirvana. Each live cat contains its own soul plus eight souls of deceased cats. How else to explain a cat’s behavior of just sitting there, seemingly contemplating nothing? I believe it’s watching re-runs of its previous eight lives.

  • I also read “The Rainbow Bridge” and I firmly believe that animals go to Heaven just like we do. I know that my Shanti-the sweetest dog anyone ever had- is waiting for me there. As for a hell or limbo- I think it is organized religion’s way of scaring people to keep in line.

  • “Actually, being anywhere without my friends (including my pets) would be Hell.” – Ed Stephen

    One of my favorite authors, Lois McMaster Bujold has one of her characters say: “Over the years, I have come to believe that the difference between Heaven and Hell is the company you keep.”

    I’ve always liked that.

  • I love this site. I believe in the causes. I am a staunch Democrat, a proud Liberal. I think Bush should be impeached and put on trial for crimes against humanity. I believe in National Health Care for ALL, protection for the elderly, respect for all people, and a society that gives the most to its poor. However, I must take exception to this entry. I believe in evolution, and I believe in God and Heaven.

    Yes, I am an Ultra Liberal, but that does not mean I cannot be a religious person. Republicans ideals are completely opposite of what is taught in the Bible. Christ walked among the poor, gave health care to the poor, gave food to the poor, and said the following: “it is easier for a camel to pass through the head of a needle, than it is for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

    I believe in science/evolution and I believe in Christianity. The two can go together. Please don’t fall the Republican Talking Points that paint all Liberals as atheist or agnostic. I also have an English Bulldog named Tiger, whom I love dearly. Yes, I believe he will go to Heaven. I love my dog, just like I love my family. I believe in Liberal causes, Christianity, Science, God, Evolution, and Heaven.

    Doug

  • Doug, I’m with you 100%. The Democratic Party should be the big tent party, where we respect the beliefs of the Hindu, the Muslim, the Buddhist, the Shinto, the Jew, the Wiccan, the atheist, and, yes, even the Christian.

    I think that atheists perceive themselves as living in a society that marginalizes them. Actually, they have plenty of good reasons for believing this. Also, it’s not only fair game to criticize beliefs that interfere with the rights of others (e.g., oppression of women or gays) or hinders learning (e.g., creationism), it’s imperative for those of all faiths or no faith to do so. But I wish atheists would refrain from jeering at the beliefs of others concerning, say, what happens after death. It doesn’t help their cause one bit, and when they call themselves liberals or Democrats while they do it, it doesn’t help my cause one bit.

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