‘I need an adjustment to my college GPA’

This is just too amusing not to share.

Todd Shriber, the communications director for U.S. Rep. Denny Rehberg (R-Mont.), went to attrition.org in September looking to hire a hacker or two for a fairly straightforward task: he wanted someone to break into Texas Christian University’s computer system and change his grade point average. That’s not the funny part.

The funny part is the desperation Shriber showed, and what he was willing to do to hire people for the task.

The communications director for Montana’s lone congressman solicited the services of two men he falsely believed to be criminally minded hackers-for-hire — with the expressed goal of jacking up his college GPA — during an exchange that spanned 22 e-mails over two weeks this past summer.

Todd Shriber, 28-year-old press aide to U.S. Rep. Denny Rehberg, R-Mont., e-mailed the security Web site attrition.org on Aug. 9, writing: “I need to urgently make contact with a hacker that would be interested in doing a one-time job for me. The pay would be good. I’m not sure what exactly the job would entail with respect to computer jargon, but I can go into rough detail upon making contact with a candidate.”

After initially denying knowledge of the exchange, Shriber told me this afternoon in the final of our three phone conversations: “I did something that’s greatly out of character for me and it’s a mistake that I regret.”

As a Slashdot post noted, it’s hard to say what was the dumbest part of all of this: “(a) contacting Attrition in the first place, (b) using a real name Yahoo email address or (c) speaking at length about what he needed?” (thanks to R.M. for the tip)

The two “hackers” who decided to avoid the criminal work and string Shriber along had entirely too much fun with the poor schmuck. At one point, they asked Shriber to recognize exactly what he was requesting, and take certain steps to ensure their safety:

“First, let’s be clear. You are soliciting me to break the law and hack into a computer across state lines. That is a federal offense and multiple felonies. Obviously I can’t trust anyone and everyone that mails such a request, you might be an FBI agent, right? So, I need three things to make this happen: 1. A picture of a squirrel or pigeon on your campus. One close-up, one with background that shows buildings, a sign, or something to indicate you are standing on the campus. 2. The information I mentioned so I can find the records once I get into the database. 3. Some idea of what I get for all my trouble.'”

You wouldn’t believe the picture Shriber sent; Josh Marshall has a copy.

The whole story reads like a convoluted Carl Hiaasen novel, except general those seeking to commit a crime aren’t this dumb.

Shriber is a communications director. When the FBI comes by his office for a chat, it’ll be a great test of his ability to spin.

You know, he is a lot like the idiot in Dumb Bunny.

The FBI isn’t going to visit. They’ve got Democratic real estate deals to investigate.

  • 1. A picture of a squirrel or pigeon on your campus. One close-up, one with background….

    That is hilarious. And he did it?! hahahaha, too much. If the Mont Dem party can’t make political hay out of this…argh.

  • My gawd … this is like the plot for a Cohen brothers movie.

    Anyone know just how bad is GPA was? I mean, it took me three times to pass a 500-level Latin course, but damn …

  • Does anyone wonder why this guy’s GPA was so low?

    And he sent a really crappy squirrel picture to boot.

  • The TPM post showed an early note that said, “I am not an expert with computers.” That much is obvious from the beginning. What a moron.

    A few other observations:

    This guy is twenty-eight years old and apparently never had a job that required actual qualifications until now. Hence his desperate need to enhance his prospects by faking his GPA.

    Obviously the guy is not very bright and yet he was given this position of responsibility by a U.S. Congressman. Besides the fact that he probably didn’t have to work too hard, what can we extrapolate about the intelligence of the man who hired him?

    Does the yo-yo in question have any personal or professional connections to the esteemed Congressman from Montana that were expoited to get this position? Just asking.

  • If this is representative of the pipe-line of potential GOP Congressional candidates, tghe next generation of elections could look very good for Dems.

  • Actually, the dumbest part was he let them phish out his SSN and DOB. If attrition.org was one of those Nigerian operations, it would take them about a day to make his credit rating even lower than his GPA.

  • #8 Scott, my guess is that he was going to pay for this service with that sweet little windfall he was about to get from the diposed Nigerian minister.

    I’m still not entirely sold this is true – it’s just too, too perfect. From the name of the school, Texas Christian University, to the email names, nascar24_08530 and jericho, to his childish desperation to rig his college grades, it seems just too perfectly alligned to have happened haphazardly. Then there was the stuff with the squirrel pictures. That was slapstick comedy in slow motion.
    My favorite line was:

    Unfortunate that there are no pigeons but this works nicely and proves to us that you are legit.

    This has to be a hoax, or I have to raise my estimation of how long someone could maintain this level of stupidity.

  • JoeW, considering it’s Republicans we’re talking about here, the wiseguys probably could have dragged it out for months. 🙂

  • The Associated Press is reporting that Mr. Shriber has been fired, so I think we can assume this rather remarkable story really did happen, although if I saw it in a movie I’d call it unrealistic.

    HELENA, Mont. (AP) – The communications director for Congressman Denny Rehberg has been fired for trying to have the director’s college record inflated by people he believed were computer hackers, Rehberg’s chief of staff said Friday.

    Another interesting angle is that Texas Christian University is not a fundamentalist college. It’s actually affiliated with the Disciples of Christ, which is a pretty moderate denomination. I just assumed the guy went to a nut school, but that does not appear to be the case.

    Who will join me in a holiday cup of schadenfreude?

  • Drink deep the holiday cup of Schadenfreude!

    This is why you can’t really do movies or TV about Republicans. If I pitched a story like this, I would be laughed out of the room for coming up with something so “unreal.”

  • I think this is the same guy who drafted George Bush’s Iraq policy, Iran policy and tax policy. Or his clone.

    Note also that he’s a Texan. With certain exceptions (like Molly Ivins) that should tell us something, too.

    And what about the Congressfool who hired him? Speaking of dumb moves!

  • I just assumed the guy went to a nut school, but that does not appear to be the case. — Morbo Morboson, @14

    Perhaps he was too dim to realise that when he chose the school? The fact that he needed to have his grade average “upgraded”, from a school which has “Christian” it its title, seems to suggest that he’s not the brightest bulb on the market.

  • “I just assumed the guy went to a nut school”

    [Insert squirrel joke here]

    Next week on Republican Rascals: Todd Shriber tries to hire hackers to delete his criminal record.

    What the hell is going on? Has the GOP made a collective decision to engage in every sort of crookedness known to man? “The Democrats may have kicked are arse in the elections but they’ll never be as corrupt as we are! Mwahaha!” Oy vey.
    By my calculations some lucky GOPer will be caught with a suitcase full of cocaine in the very near future.

  • This is what cracks me up:

    After initially denying knowledge of the exchange

    True Jesusgopper right there.

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