Posted by Morbo
Carpetbagger is fond of pointing out that the media has its priorities — are they yours? With that thought in mind, consider the following:
On Thursday, ABC News devoted two hours to a special about UFOs hosted by Peter Jennings.
The United States is currently spending $1 billion a day on the war in Iraq. Nearly 1,500 American soldiers have been killed. On the domestic front, President Bush has proposed a budget that would eviscerate many social programs. And of course he and his fellow Republicans want to destroy Social Security. He also plans to stack the federal courts with far-right extremists who will roll back our civil liberties.
Yet ABC and its lead news anchor, who apparently wants to be taken seriously as a journalist, devoted two hours to UFOs.
Just to be clear: This program was not produced by ABC’s entertainment division – the same folks who brought you great shows like “Who’s the Boss?” and “Family Matters.” No, it was produced by the News Division and hosted by the network’s lead news anchor.
Jennings could have devoted two hours to Bush’s plan to roll back the New Deal, but let’s face it there’s one word for that — BORING!
TV consultants undoubtedly cost a lot of money. Trying to determine what the public wants to see and when they want to see it is tricky stuff. To save ABC millions on consulting fees, Morbo would like to present Jennings and ABC News with some other ideas for really great specials:
Gods from Outer Space: Where Are They Now?: Whatever happened to the Gods from outer space anyway? They supposedly built the pyramids and all that, but you never hear about them anymore. Peter travels the globe to determine if the gods built anything else, such as the Palace at Versailles, Big Ben or the Empire State Building. Isn’t it time we found out?
Bigfoot: Guy in Furry Suit or Unknown, Giant, Possibly Carnivorous Monkey Man Running Amok In Our Suburbs?: Peter shows that famous film of bigfoot running through the woods over and over in an attempt to answer the burning question, “What is up with that thing?” Also, what kind of sex life does it lead? Are your children safe? What about your neighbor’s children? Or children you don’t even know? Is anyone safe? Or do you merely think you’re safe? Includes dramatic re-creations based on actual science!
Like Moths to a Flame: Hot Chicks and Bikinis: Why do so many hot chicks wear bikinis? What strange, primordial forces compel them to don the two-piece, and does evolution hold the key to the final answer? Peter joins top stars from the ABC hit “Desperate Housewives” to answer that question. Re-creations also examine the compelling issue of what would happen if hot chicks wore something else, say nurse’s outfits, and how that might affect society.
In Search Of Lost Civilizations: Is Modern-Day Atlanta the Long-Lost Atlantis?: You have to admit they sound alike. Coincidence? Jennings thinks not! Join us as Peter uses public transportation to travel to the ancient Lost Continent that’s a lot closer than you think.
Dinosaurs Haunt These Swamps — Or Do They?: Do dinosaurs still roam the back swamps and forgotten bayous of southern Louisiana? No one has ever reported seeing any, but, as Peter points out in this chilling three-hour special, absence of proof is not necessarily proof of absence.
Bright Red Fezzes And Tiny Little Cars: The Horrible Truth Exposed!: What do Shriners do behind closed doors? Does it involve Satanism, kitten sacrifice, orgies, time travel, manipulating world financial markets, Nigerian “419” internet scams and snuff films? Or are they really just drinking beer and selling each other insurance? Peter and his cameras go undercover in a nondescript suburban building to bring you the startling truth.