Maybe Gonzales is available for weddings and birthday parties, too

It wasn’t too long ago when former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales — the nation’s chief law-enforcement officer, former White House counsel, and rumored to be a possible Supreme Court justice — was charging $40,000 for each public appearance. Now he’s stuck doing commencement addresses.

That, in and of itself, wouldn’t be especially embarrassing. After all, for a former AG to speak at, say, Harvard Law School’s commencement is a pretty prestigious gig. But Alberto Gonzales isn’t speaking at elite law schools’ graduations. Or non-elite law school. Or university.

Reader JRD alerted me to Gonzales’ latest appearance.

Former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, who served in the Bush Administration until his resignation in September 2007, gave the commencement address at Free Will Baptist School’s graduation ceremony Friday night, delivering a personal story of how his persistent pursuit of education brought him the American dream.

Yes, Gonzales gave the commencement address at a high school in the Virgin Islands. It’s not even an especially big high school — the graduating class has six students.

Stephen Beck, Free Will Baptist’s principal said Gonzales is “a friend of a friend.” One assumes Beck did not pay Gonzales $40,000.

David Lat added, “Does he do children’s birthday parties too?”

And all of this comes not long after we learned that Gonzales has not exactly been sought out by law-firm recruiters.

Alberto R. Gonzales, like many others recently unemployed, has discovered how difficult it can be to find a new job. Mr. Gonzales, the former attorney general, who was forced to resign last year, has been unable to interest law firms in adding his name to their roster, Washington lawyers and his associates said in recent interviews.

He has, through friends, put out inquiries, they said, and has not found any takers. What makes Mr. Gonzales’s case extraordinary is that former attorneys general, the government’s chief lawyer, are typically highly sought.

Well, sure they’re “typically” sought after. Most law firms would love to have a former Attorney General on their roster. When a firm is approaching a potential client, and anxious to emphasize the prestige and influence of the firm, a partner takes pride in saying, “Yes, we even have a former Attorney General on staff.” When that AG was rumored to have been considered for the Supreme Court, the cachet is even more impressive still.

But that’s the problem for ol’ Fredo. Everyone knows him, everyone saw his performance as arguably the worst Attorney General in history, and everyone knows the disdain with which he regards the rule of law. He’s not the guy you hire; he’s the guy whose phone messages you ignore.

I am sure that Gonzales can get someone to ghostwrite a book for him and make a lot of money.

  • I wonder if he’ll be forced to spice up a tell-all with the truth to entice a publisher. This might be both good for his retirement fund and for his legacy.

  • If Gonzales writes a tell all book, he can call it I don’t recall if I remembered.

  • Lawyers, in general, are thought of as pond scum, but they’re not. They serve a purpose and the vast many attorneys and firms are solidly behind their clients in what they do – and that is what our system is about!

    Who wants an unethicaly, lying, cheating attorney? Some firms may want them, but they don’t blatently advertise them.

    LOOKIE HERE, WE GOTS US THE MOST VISIBLE, LYINGEST ATTORNEY IN THE COUNTRY. HEE, DOGGIES!

    Not gonna happen.

    Enjoy them food stamps, Gonzo.

  • or it’ll be like the OJ book that never was – “i didn’t do it, but if i did, here’s what i would have done”

    his will be “i didn’t politicize the entire law enforcement structure of the federal government and endorse numerous policies manifestly contrary to the principles upon which this nation exists, but if i had…”

  • Man, I thought one of the right wing “think tanks” would hire him, just to keep up the morale of the remaining Bushies.

    Way too funny.

  • Perhaps Gonzo should continue his education at clown college. He’d make more money as a kids clown (Mumbles the Bozo is a good name) then speaking at smaller and smaller venues.

    Sooner or later, you know he’s going to say: “Why is my name below the Puppet Show?”

  • I’ll chip in to hire the guy, as long as he agrees to answer questions, with the stipulation that if he starts lying I can waterboard him until he tells the truth.

  • “arguably the worst Attorney General in history”? He has competition?

    This could be a positive development, that some of these goons are too toxic even for the Right-Wing sinecure industry.

  • @ 10. On June 3rd, 2008 at 11:28 am, short fuse said:
    “arguably the worst Attorney General in history”? He has competition?

    AGs Mitchell & Meese come to mind as somewhat competitive in the worst Attorney General dept.

  • Gonzo should be angling for a new position, come 21 Jan 2009: with the Witness Protection Program.

    No way he’s going to line up much Wingnut Welfare, he’s not WASPy enough. So, just like Malkin, he’ll be discarded (or demoted to the Kountertop Kops) once he’s no longer useful.

    Rat ’em out Gonzo. It’s your only hope.

  • I would suggest Fredo stick a string up his butt and reinvent himself as the Liar-matic 2008 with new goofy grin features and more audacious claims of memory lapse than ever before!

  • David Lat added, “Does he do children’s birthday parties too?”

    Yes, is the answer and he reads ‘My Pet “Goat’ at them ……….

  • I’ve heard a rumor that Regent University is considering offering Alberto
    Gonzalez the position of running their Law school. They think that is the least they can do to the man who has hired more of their graduates than any other employer.
    “Classtime with Gonzo:! Has a certain Ronnie Regan ring to it.

  • ……..please don’t let him near the children!!!

    He’ll find a new job somewhere, it will just take time. Look at all the Watergate guys that have gigs now. They all find a niche. He’ll be the Rush Limbaugh of the Spanish networks before you know it…

  • Short fuse, I guess you missed the blind Janet “I’ve never seen a scandle we should investigate” Reno. Gosh, Janet still believes Slick Willy is an upstanding citizen.

  • I certainly don’t admire Gonzales, but, here is a point to ponder. The Bush Administration in their cunning left him to hold the bag, and being the “trusting” soul that he is, and believing everything the “man” tells him, Gonzales didn’t cover his own you-know-what. He should take a lesson from Condaleeza Rice; she always keeps her hands clean. And, I think it’s because she knows she’s dealing with very shysty characters and she’ll never get caught in the cross-fire. Politics are a vile dirty game and you musn’t enter that arena ill-prepared.

  • Maybe he can hone his singing talents and be a wedding singer!

    Seriously, I can’t help but think that he’ll rise from the ashes of his failed career, like a phoenix, and end up in the inevitable Bush apologist administration as vice president.

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