Noah’s Ark update: It’s rocks after all

Guest Post by Morbo

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about nutcase fundamentalist Christians claiming to have found [tag]Noah’s Ark[/tag] — again. Of course it’s a crock, and now the National Geographic has kindly pointed that out.

You have to read to the end to get to the good stuff, but here’s the bottom line: What the latest team of “[tag]biblical archaeologists[/tag]” found atop a mountain in Iran was a rock outcropping. Being [tag]creationists[/tag], they were too stupid to recognize it as such.

My favorite part of the article comes from a specialist in old wood who helpfully points out that wood petrifies under only rare conditions. Reads the article:

Meanwhile, ancient timber specialist Martin Bridge, of England’s Oxford Dendrochronology Laboratory, is doubtful that a wooden structure would have lasted long enough to petrify under ordinary conditions. “Wood will only survive for thousands of years if it is buried in very wet conditions or remains in an extremely arid environment,” he said.

Meanwhile, the website of Worldview Weekend, the religious right group that started all of this nonsense, this week carries the first installment of a fascinating two-part expose on the biblical explanation for UFOs. Don’t miss it.

Next up: Is bigfoot really a descendant of Esau? Remember, the Bible says Esau was awfully hairy.

As long as they can keep finding people who deliberately turn their brains off, replacing reason with faith, some huckster will keep finding Noah’s Ark. I can’t believe how many times they’ve done this already, and they keep “finding” it.

Of course that doesn’t mean it isn’t there, right? Kinda like Saddam’s WMDs.

  • Maybe that’s it: knuckle-dragging Republicans are descendants of Esau? Nah, Esau (whose name means “completed, not infantile”) was already more evolved than today’s GOP.

  • The article states “Bible scholars think that Noah built his ark somewhere between 6,000 and 10,000 years ago”. Huh?? According to true christian bible humping fundies the earth is only 6,000 years old period, so what the heck is up with this between 6K and 10K crap?

  • Anyone looking to for a good laugh on a lazy summer day should go and peruse this web site. After doing so I’d have to agree with Morbo these are “nutcase fundamentalist Christians”.

    Now of course where you find “nutcase fundamentalist Christians” you will typically find a BushCo company rep pandering to them. These guys are no exception. The founder of the site is Brannon Howse. According to the media package for his new must read book,One Nation Under Man? The Worldview War Between Christians and the Secular Left,

    [i]n 2002, Brannon received a phone call from the White House Office of Faith Based Ministries asking if he would conduct some research on their behalf. Brannon was honored to donate his time to conduct this research and serve the President and his initiative that Brannon feels is important.

    I think this transforms these “nutcases” from odd curiosities to potential dangerous political actors. It also suggests a new game akin to Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon. First find a Christian group with some bizarre belief and then try to find a direct link between the group and BushCo.

    By the way, the web site has a disclaimer at the bottom,

    Worldview Weekend, Christian Worldview Network and its columnists do not necessarily endorse or agree with every opinion expressed in every article posted on this site. We do however, encourage a healthy and friendly debate on the issues of our day. Whether you agree or disagree, we encourage you to post your feedback by using the feedback button.

    I guess giving them some feed back would be another interesting way to spend a lazy summer day.

  • Morbo, to be fair, the UFO piece appears to be written with tongue placed firmly in cheek. Here are a couple of the footnotes which seem to bolster this notion:

    I won’t make a big point of this now but for the record, Al Gore was born nine months after the Roswell UFO landed. This is spooky. Of course, we don’t know if the alien gestation period is nine months.
    Indulge me for a brief Area 51 story. I know Newt Gingrich and have met with him many times. When he was Speaker of the House I asked him to inquire of the Air Force if I could visit Area 51. I was scheduled to speak in Las Vegas and thought I’d visit Area 51 while there. Newt humored me and made the request. The letter I got back was priceless. It said, and I’m reading between the lines, “There is no such place as Area 51 but if you go there, we have the authority to kill you.” I decided not to go.

    The point of the piece is that the beliefs of the supposed UFO inhabitants are “new age” and anti-christian. I could be wrong about this. We will have to await part II of this article before we know for sure.

  • Now that you know what a crock is you should wipe that coprophageous grin off of your face.

  • A footnote from the Worldview Weekend piece: (really)

    “I won’t make a big point of this now but for the record, Al Gore was born nine months after the Roswell UFO landed. This is spooky. Of course, we don’t know if the alien gestation period is nine months.”

    But we do know the author was dropped on his head and then stepped on the moment he popped out. Whoops!

    Maybe Al is playing coy with his presidential candidacy commitment because he just doesn’t know when “they’re” coming back to pick him up. He’s also going to live for 3, 456 years so there’s not that much urgency. He can get around to running again one of these days if the spirit moves him. We need to pay attention to his global warming warnings. He’s seen it time and time again.

  • Excuse me Rege. This afternoon heat wafted me right past your observation on the same insanity. It’s certainly idiocy worthy of multiple notings I hope.

    The pool beckons. I should answer. Cool my poached brain cell.

  • I’m afraid I can’t get behind the tongue in cheek thing. Unless The Onion is sponsoring the website, I think the only thing that guy’s got in his cheek is peyote or some slow release Orange Sunshine. He may not know what he’s talking about but he definitely believes it.

  • Maybe Al is playing coy with his presidential candidacy commitment because he just doesn’t know when “they’re” coming back to pick him up.
    Comment by burro

    Nah… It’s because he knows aliens cannot run for President. OTOH, it would explain his certitude about the global warming and its causes; obviously he’s getting info from more sources than we have access to (just like our current, un-esteemed Prex).

    Oh, and BTW… I’m from Selse (somewhere else) too; there’s lots of us around…

  • marcus alrealius alrightus: I should indeed, and I will, as soon as I know what a “grin” is. A hot and cold sweaty blush would be nearer the mark.

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