One of these things is not like the others

Guest Post by Morbo

There’s something jarring about the commercial for the One Campaign — the star-studded effort to eradicate global poverty.

Watching the promotional ad online, I was impressed by the array of celebrities who have signed on, including Brad Pitt, Penelope Cruz, Bono, Kevin Bacon, Ellen DeGeneres, George Clooney, Cameron Diaz, Al Pachino and Tom Hanks.

Suddenly, among all of this star power, up pops an unexpected face: TV preacher Pat Robertson.

Nothing could have prepared me for that. It’s like finding a carp in your bowl of corn flakes. Why on earth was this loon invited to take part in what otherwise seems to be a very worthy endeavor? Ted Kaczynski wasn’t available?

Robertson has spent 25 years on television attacking Democrats, liberals, women’s rights advocates, gay people, public school teachers, librarians, non-believers, non-Christians and anyone else who does not agree with his rigid interpretation of the Bible. He once wrote an entire book based on anti-Semitic conspiracy theories. After Sept. 11, he and Jerry Falwell sat around on the “700 Club” and mused about how our nation deserved it. I don’t care if these days Robertson claims to be concerned about global poverty, he’s still a nut. His participation has tarred the entire project.

You want to know how kooky Robertson is? On Aug. 2, he prayed on his “700 Club” for more Supreme Court openings, saying:

“Father, Lord, the government is in your hand, the rulers are in your hand. This great and mighty nation, Lord, stands as a beacon of hope to so many oppressed people. But Lord, if our foundations are crumbling, then this great beacon won’t stand for long.

“And we pray, Lord, that this one key area of our government might be dramatically changed, that we might see people who respect the Constitution and who respect the fundamental law of the land. Lord, give us righteous judges who will not try to legislate and dominate this society. Take control, Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court, and we ask for additional fine people like John Roberts. Lord, speed this hearing process; may there be no rancor. May the Senate comport itself as it should, and may we see peace, harmony and a rapid confirmation process. Do miracles, Lord, we pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

God, in Robertson’s view, won’t have time to deal with hunger. He’s too busy ensuring smooth operations for the Senate Judiciary Committee.

Prior to this prayer, Robertson outlined exactly what’s wrong with the Supreme Court: The justices have upheld legal abortion, the “so-called” separation of church and state and gay rights. They also had the nerve to declare the execution of juveniles unconstitutional. (Jesus wants those kids DEAD, dammit!)

This is the second time Robertson has appeared to be praying for the deaths of Supreme Court justices. In 2003, he was even more explicit, noting the advanced ages of some of the justices and hopefully pointing out that some have had health problems. The man is a creepy ghoul.

Frankly, I don’t even believe Robertson cares about world poverty. I’ve heard him preach against social programs, calling Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society “wasteful.” In his books he has criticized Social Security and implied that people are poor because they aren’t right with God. On his TV program, Robertson promotes the “prosperity gospel” — the idea that God wants you to be rich and will bless you with money, as long as you send donations to Robertson’s ministry.

In 1999, I listened to Robertson’s wife, Adelia, give a rambling speech in Washington, D.C., about poverty. Adelia Robertson talked of visiting economically distressed areas of West Virginia and seeing poor children with no shoes. Unfortunately, her solution to rural poverty was rather simple: “We’ve got to stop electing people who are for big government.”

The One Campaign has noble goals, goals worth supporting. It’s a shame the group undercut them by hooking up with an outrageous bigot like Pat Robertson.

Sarah Vowell touched on this recently in a good column (http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/opinion/231462_vowell07.html) but Morbo’s take is better. Vowell said Robertson deserves praise for joining the One campaign. I say the One campaign deserves criticism for getting mixed up with Robertson.

  • “Lord! We ask for additional vacancies on the court…” so if you wouldn’t mind, maybe a few heart attacks, or some more of the juicy cancer you worked up for Rehnquist, that would be great. Oh, and thanks for clearing up those warts for me.

    Thanks God,

    Love Pat R.

  • RE: Please send more money.

    No thanks.
    I will however send my prayers.
    After all, nothing satifies like a belly full of prayers.

    To wit:

    The most fiercely stupid thing I heard all week:

    President George W. Bush noting how the people of Brook Park, Ohio had suffered over the last couple of days:

    I hope they can take comfort in the fact that millions of their fellow citizens pray for them.”

  • Strange world view these people have.

    You’d think after a while they’d get the idea
    that this prayer stuff isn’t working very well.

    You know, with 55 million people dying around
    the globe from all causes every year, and a
    couple of billion living pretty squalid lives of
    misery, you’d think they’d catch on that God
    isn’t doing a hell of a lot for them.

    Maybe it’s like Newton’s laws. For every prayer,
    there’s an equal and opposite prayer. For example,
    Johnnie prays “Please God let me score with
    Mary tonight,” and then Mary prays “Please God,
    keep Johnnie’s hands off me tonight,” and so they
    tend to cancel out.

    Why do people think God falls for this browning
    up business? I mean, they’re always praising
    God in their prayers. God created them, for
    Chris sakes, didn’t he? Why’s he need to be
    told how great he is? He’s gotta know that,
    right? Why’s he want these litttle ants going
    around mumbling praises? If he wanted to
    get praised, he could conjure up some pretty
    heavy lesser gods, who could appreciate how
    great he was. Then it would be meaningful.

  • “And we pray, Lord, that…we might see people who respect the Constitution and who respect the fundamental law of the land.”

    I couldn’t agree more. Be careful what you pray for, Pat…

  • The most fiercely stupid thing I heard all week:

    I’m with you, koreyel! One thing that really peeves me is how politicians lay their prayer BS on people as if everybody believed in their friggin’ god. DAMN that pisses me off!

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