Pat Robertson, still hearing voices

TV preacher Pat Robertson doesn’t just sit around doing 2,000-pound leg presses all day, sometimes he appears on his television program to share messages he receives from God with the rest of us. He’s generous that way.

In his latest instance of sharing wisdom from above, Robertson wants us all to know that we’ll have to face another terrorist catastrophe this year.

Evangelical broadcaster Pat Robertson said Tuesday that God has told him that a terrorist attack on the United States would cause a “mass killing” late in 2007.

“I’m not necessarily saying it’s going to be nuclear,” he said during his news-and-talk television show “The 700 Club” on the Christian Broadcasting Network.

“The Lord didn’t say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that.”

Robertson said God told him about the impending tragedy during a recent prayer retreat. God also said, he claims, that major cities and possibly millions of people will be affected by the attack, which should take place sometime after September.

The AP kindly (and gently) noted that the divine “words of knowledge” Robertson allegedly receives from God often don’t pan out. God told Robertson that Bush would win a second term in a landslide (he didn’t), that Social Security privatization would pass in 2005 (it didn’t), and that serious storms and possibly a “tsunami” were going to crash into America’s coastline in 2006 (they didn’t).

Asked to clarify, Robertson told the AP, “I have a relatively good track record. Sometimes I miss.”

Sure, Robertson may be crazy, but his political relevance makes his lunacy worth remembering, for a few reasons.

First, the AP didn’t mention it, but Robertson did give himself an out yesterday. “A lot of these things can be reversed,” Robertson told his audience, “we just need to do a lot of praying.” In other words, if there is no “mass killing” in late 2007, Robertson will no doubt say, “See? People prayed and the attacks were prevented, all thanks to me.”

Second, his “sometimes I miss” defense doesn’t seem particularly persuasive. If Robertson is receiving messages directly from the Big Guy, and the Big Guy is all-knowing and infallible according to Robertson, shouldn’t these predictions/observations be entirely reliable?

And, finally, every time I mention Robertson, I get emails insisting that he’s just some clown who no longer matters. His heyday has long since passed and pointing out Robertson’s lunacy is hardly worth the bother. Obviously, I disagree.

We are, unfortunately, still talking about a man with about a million viewers a day, many of whom contribute to his cause and nearly all of whom take his political marching orders seriously. We’re also talking about a man whose religious ministries collect millions of tax dollars from the Bush administration. Hysterical ranters on street corners usually don’t get the luxury of lucrative federal contracts.

For that matter, Robertson remains a key ally of powerful GOP officials. The president has appeared at two Robertson-hosted events, and Bush even met with Robertson in early 2003 to discuss the war in Iraq. For that matter, tune into the 700 Club on any given day and you’ll see high-ranking officials from the Bush administration and Republicans from Congress chatting about today’s biggest issues.

Indeed, immediately after Tom DeLay was forced from his leadership post, whom did he turn to? Who else? Pat Robertson.

Robertson is, to be sure, mad as a hatter, but as long as he’s a major GOP player, highlighting his lunacy is worth the trouble. Perhaps the more salient question is: what does this say about the modern GOP?

Asked to clarify, Robertson told the AP, “I have a relatively good track record. Sometimes I miss.”

So, is he just guessing, is God lying or is he lying?

I like his out. Pray a lot and it won’t happen. Amusing from a man who wants us to pray a lot so the end of the world will happen.

  • As the all seeing, all knowing Great Swami Former Dan, I predict that a lot of people will say “Pat Robertson, he crazeeeee!”

  • Do you think God is a conspiracy theorist who thinks the GOP manipulates terrorist warnings and attacks so as to keep “Terrorism” right up front as a campaign issue. One would think that the timing of a big attack would have much impact later in 2007, closer to the primaries and the campaign season than would such an attack now.

  • Something like a nuclear attack?

    What a maroon.

    CB is right that this kind of jerk needs to be highlighted at every opportunity. The more moderates see that their party has been hijacked by crazy MFs like Roberts, the more they will either push back or leave.

    And it’s good to remember who your enemies really are. People who prey on ignorance for political / financial gain are always a threat.

  • We may see him for who he is, but try living here in VA Beach, where his influence is felt often. He effectively “owns” the areas along the Chesapeake/VA Beach border, where his fortress is located. He got the state and city to build new roads (taxpayer dollars) into some developments he owns out there. He has a lot of money and influence. His son is just like him, so when the good Lord calls Pat home, Americans will continue to hear from the Robertson/700 Cult. The taxpayers in VA Beach as well as the rest of VA know he’s crooked.

  • Robertson is one of people for whom the concept of “bitch-slapping” was invented. He needs it now and he needs it often.

    If you don’t stand up for reality you’ll fall for anything.

  • If you don’t stand up for reality you’ll fall for anything.

    I’d like a bumper sticker with that on it.

    On topic: keep up the Robertson posts. his access to the GOP “leadership” does make his lunancy worth reporting on.

  • “I have a relatively good track record. Sometimes I miss.”

    Like Lance was saying, if it really is God speaking to Brother Pat, why would he miss, ever?? Are God’s warnings hard to hear or understand, or otherwise unclear? If so, why issue them?

    And why, if God has an urgent message for us, would he relay it through Pat Robertson? Can’t God speak to everyone just as clearly?

    It’s sad to see Robertson’s pronouncements reported as anything other than comedy.

  • “I’m not necessarily saying it’s going to be nuclear,”

    “The Lord didn’t say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that.”

    The Lord didn’t know if it was ‘nuclear’. Can I assume that’s because the lord Robertson speaks with is the one from the first testament and doesn’t know much about about all this science mumbo jumbo.

  • Why is it that when people say they hear the voice of god, no one really thinks it’s all that nuts?

    Yet, if you simply replace the “voice of god” with a more generic “voice(s)” then those people are given a nice padded room where they can learn to draw pretty pictures with blunt crayons held in their feet.

    Seems like a weird double standard.

  • Correction:

    There are people who think that hearing the “voice of god” is nuts (“no one” was incorrect).

    But my assertion still stands: Why the hell isn’t Robertson in a mental facility? At the least, he could entertain the other patients with his leg strength …

  • The best part is that Robertson not only gets lots of financial support from his froot-loop base and taxpayers (courtesy of lil’ Georgie), but many of us also send him a little money each month, albeit involuntarily, since we are forced to receive his TBN broadcast on cable TV. The Lord sure doeseth providith.

  • “The Lord didn’t say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that.”

    I hate it when the Lord is coy.

  • So—if I pray enough, can I turn Pat Robertson into a purple teletubbie with an upside down coathanger on his head and have him magically appear on Jerry Falwell’s front porch with the Sunday morning paper?

    *And my most profound apologies to Tinkie Winkie….

  • You’ve got to hand it to the Big Guy, messing with Robertson’s head that way. It’s pretty funny. You’d think by now Pat would have gotten His message about humility and taking His name in vain, but sadly, no.

  • Joan of Arc heard voices, and look what happened to her.

    Seriously, I think it’s great to keep the spotlight on this guy. What needs to happen next is for people to be made aware that one of the Bush Administration’s revered confidants is a man who hears and responds to auditory hallucinations.

  • Just remember, when you speak to god, it’s prayer. When god speaks to you, it’s schizophrenia

  • Dear Jesus,

    If the Mr. Robertson is correct in his sorcery, can you please see to it that he and his equally odious son are numbered in the victims of this “mass killing”? (Satan awaits each of them with the greatest anticipation.) Thy Will Be Done.

    Your sister in Christ,
    Lulu Pickle

  • “Asked to clarify, Robertson told the AP, “I have a relatively good track record. Sometimes I miss.”

    So, is he just guessing, is God lying or is he lying?”

    If I were writing Robertson as a fictional character (which he nearly is already) I’d say that his god does not speak in plain language. Rather, it communicates through symbolic imagery, and thus it is entirely on Robertson’s head to interpret that correctly if he wants to predict the future.

  • 1. On 20 Oct. 2005, Lashaun Harris heard voices that told her to dump her three young children into the frigid waters of San Francisco Bay so that she could feed them to the sharks. The people of San Francisco and the world were shocked and outraged. She was promptly arrested and charged with murder.
    2. George W. Bush heard the voice of God telling him he should invade Iraq. He lied to Congress and the American people and in 2003, he started an illegal war which resulted in the deaths of thousands of innocent children (and adults). The world was outraged yet this murderer has not been arrested and to this day remains a free man.
    3. Pat Robertson hears the voice of God every year near the new year. Is a pattern emerging here?

  • “Pu-raise Gawd for vittory.” – the mantra recited over and over by the nutty old grandma in Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath (which, contrary to popular legend, was not translated into Japanese under the title The Angry Raisins).

    My favorite impersonator of “the reverend” Pat Robertson is “voice deity” Jim Ward, weekday mornings on Air America’s Stephanie Miller Show. Wikipedia describes: “When Jim Ward imitates Pat Robertson, he exaggerates Robertsons’ chuckling, with frequent threats to various groups like liberals, feminists, homosexuals, and so on, of being “tossed into the lake of fire” and/or being subjected to various diseases, and as he does it, he gets more and more chuckly and giggly. The imitation is accompanied by organ music.” It’s one of the funniest things I’ve heard and a great slam at knuckle-dragger religion ever.

  • Grumpy #9 writes: “And why, if God has an urgent message for us, would he relay it through Pat Robertson? Can’t God speak to everyone just as clearly?”

    No, Pat is special. And that’s why God wants him to have all those contributions, federal and otherwise.

  • These passages are found in the same book he bases his whole religion on !
    Deuteronomy 18:18-22 (New International Version

    18 I will raise up for them a prophet like you from among their brothers; I will put my words in his mouth, and he will tell them everything I command him. 19 If anyone does not listen to my words that the prophet speaks in my name, I myself will call him to account. 20 But a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded him to say, or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods, must be put to death.”

    21 You may say to yourselves, “How can we know when a message has not been spoken by the LORD ?” 22 If what a prophet proclaims in the name of the LORD does not take place or come true, that is a message the LORD has not spoken. That prophet has spoken presumptuously. Do not be afraid of him.

  • Is Pat Robertson listening to God and making predictions or is he listening to the Bush Administration and relaying plans? If anything were ever to happen do you think the Robertson types could be held in complicity. Maybe the Patriot Act and the KBR camps could be put to some good use.

  • I totally agree with your response to people who claim Robertson has lost his relevance. Obviously, he hasn’t. Obviously, there are people who are still listening to his idiotic rantings. He’s proclaiming egregious untruths and being divisive, and his words still resonate with poor, misguided people.

    You just know God’s looking down on him, saying, “That’s not what I mean, you moron!”

  • It’s pretty obvious that there is a major lack of expertise here on prayer, prophecy or even theology. Let’s try simple reason instead.

    Either (a) prayer works or (b) it doesn’t. If not, then billions of people have been wasting their time for centuries. But, if prayer does work, then God (“whoever he or she is”) is interested in human affairs, and God wants us to cooperate through prayer. 85% of Americans believe in it.

    So if prayer works, then it would be very logical that God would first warn about a coming disaster and then encourage people to pray against it.

    If prayer really worked.

  • When, after a 12 day winter trip, I got off the boat in NYC in ’73, one of the luggage-toting guys asked me: “whe’re ‘y’ headed?”. Took me a while to translate it into English I was taught but then I answered: “to Virginia”. “You poor bitch”, he said; “be better off in San Francisco”

    At that time, I didn’t know that VA could lay a claim to Robertson and Fallwell (and now, Goode) — immigrants are often really clueless. I’ve, since, learnt to love VA and do my bit, as best I can, to change it even more to my liking (GO WEBB! ) But my son ended up in San Francisco (though no flowers in his — rather long — hair )…

  • With a prophetic batting record like Robertson’s, maybe Gawd will recall him. Or fire him. Or strike him with holy lightning from heaven. But then who would we have to laugh at?

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