Please go away, Alan Keyes

January 5, 2008

Guest Post by Morbo

You might have noticed that Alan Keyes did not win the Iowa caucuses.

I was pretty surprised. After all, in late December I received a special message from Keyes himself assuring me that his campaign was on fire. It looked like a lock.

Why I am I getting messages from Alan Keyes? I’ve mentioned before that I signed up with some kook right organizations just to see their e-mail alerts. Even though these groups always promise they won’t provide your info to anyone else, they lie and do just that. One of them gave my address to the Keyes campaign, and now I’m getting messages from that nut.

I’m not complaining. They are entertaining messages that enable me to take a rare peek into the mind of a seriously disturbed individual and the few deluded souls who follow him.

A recent fund-raising appeal carried the subject line, “Alan Keyes Breaks Out in National Polls.” Inside it read:

This week, the USA Today/Gallup Poll showed me EVEN with Ron Paul and AHEAD of long-running conservatives Duncan Hunter and Tom Tancredo, even though I have only been actively in the race a few weeks.

I thought to myself, “That’s odd. I don’t recall any stories showing Alan Keyes breaking out of anything — except perhaps a mental institution.” The message was dated Dec. 26. I looked up the poll. What Keyes never mentions in the letter is that in the poll, he is at 3 percent.

Unlike Ron Paul, who, despite being at 3 percent in national polls still manages to raise lots of money, Keyes, as of Sept. 30, had $12,000 on hand. Unlike Ron Paul, who is a member of the U.S. House of Representatives, Keyes does not appear to have a job. Unlike Ron Paul, who has an actual cult following that consists of real, walking-around people, Keyes’ support appears to be limited to his wife (perhaps) and some unfortunate individuals who coo over him online and who were probably dropped on their heads a lot as children. So at this point, if I were Alan Keyes, I doubt I’d spend much time comparing myself to Ron Paul.

As I’ve mentioned before, running for public office appears to be Keyes’ job. This is his third run for president, and he’s also run for U.S. Senate in Maryland and Illinois. I’m not sure what he does in off years — probably goes to kook right meetings giving speeches in that annoying voice of his.

This political blogger (whom I admit I know nothing about) ranks Keyes dead last in the national GOP race. He writes, “[Keyes] did well in the Values Voters debate, but destroyed any chance of having any type of voice in any type of debate after the last Iowa debate. Keyes’ career is over.”

I’m afraid I must disagree. First of all, Keyes’ career can’t be over, since he does not actually have one. And secondly, his implosion happened long before that debate. The man long ago ceased to be entertaining. It was fun for a time, Alan, but now it’s just tiresome. Say goodnight.

I have heard of Alan Keyes for years, but I had never seen him in action until a recent debate of Republican presidential candidates. I have to admit that I was horrified. Keyes managed to make the other Republican candidates look sane by comparison. And that isn’t an easy thing to do.

But the scary part of Keyes’ story is that during the Reagan Administration he represented the United States as ambassador to the United Nations! He has also been a “resident scholar” for our old friends at the American Enterprise Institute.

And we all thought that John Bolton was an embarrassment.

  • Alan Keyes is beyond nuttiness. Speaking of crackpots, what’s with this bizarre Glenn Beck video of him discussing his terrible experience in a hospital? What was he in for?

  • having lived through the obama-keyes race here in illinois a few years ago, i must comment alan keyes on the extremely high entertainment value he adds to whatever he does. now i know why going to see the inmates at bedlam was considered so amusing in 18th century england!

  • …probably goes to kook right meetings giving speeches in that annoying voice of his.

    I *love* Keyes’s voice! He does the best Marvin the Martian impression I’ve ever heard.

    In fact, I think his “career” is probably doing local radio commercials in-character somewhere in the heartland of America: “If you don’t come to Ray’s Lumber Yard for all your home carpentry needs, you should ?BRACE YOURSELF FOR IMMEDIATE DISINTEGRATION!”

  • “I’m afraid I must disagree. First of all, Keyes’ career can’t be over, since he does not actually have one. ”

    Speaking of which, does anyone know what sort of wingnut welfare our friend Alan is receiving? I don’t see how he can keep running for office – and losing – and keep collecting a paycheck.

  • Holy shit, Keyes was ambassador to the UN??? I can understand the AEI holding him as a resident scholar because you can’t embarrass them but the UN? Just pathetic.

  • There are hundreds of people who sound just like Keyes across the US. The difference is they give their bombastic speeches to rubber walls.

  • Keyes is a crazy person…plain and simple. A while back I stopped and spent the time to listen to him and I was shocked that he was such an idiot. He is so strange and I wonder about anyone who would support him. He is a wing nut if I ever heard or saw one. ( and I am a RN who has seen my fair share of wing nuts in that past 30 years)

  • Wow! Such vitriolic rants about a man you have never met. Although many don’t agree with his politics (including me), he is still worthy of respect. I respect the fact that he is an African American man who, despite the odds became a Harvard Educated scholar and went on to serve in the highest tiers of government. He is without a doubt one of the most intelligent politicians out there today. He is also probably the most patriotic. He believes in his country and has made it his mission to hold this country to the ideals on which it was founded as he sees them. He has a right to run for president in this democracy of ours and he has a right not to be silenced as he was in Iowa. Is he Crazy? Perhaps. Why else would he subject himself to the kind of ignorance, bestial comments and grievous scrutiny that I’ve read on this blog.

  • All of you ravers and ranters–why don’t you get to know Dr. Keyes and his work the way the rest of the people on planet earth have come to know him.
    All of you are more than welcome to join us at http://www.alankeyes.com. We don’t need your five dollars–just read what he has to say about America, and why he wants to become your President! If you write to me at my e-mail, lifepath@sbcglobal, even if you are not nice to me, I’ll send you his Conference Call number, if you request it. These are live interaction calls, and he holds them every Tuesday and Thursday night. He will answer your question, even if you are a serious jerk. That is because Dr. Keyes is a class act, as well as a Harvard educated diplomat with a Ph.D. in government.

  • i searched for Keyes and found this garbage– Alan Keyes speaks for socially opressed people who have spent their lives rearing children and growing families, paying bills, meanwhile losing their ability to articulate their positions on public policy with the emotional appeals many of todays ADD people demand– Keyes does it for us– so do not suppress an important voice– the weapon of shame means nothing to us when it comes from those who wield it for selfish reasons– Keyes will increase his base because not only has the mainstream media crucified him but his own party– look at youtube videos for the proof– or Iowa caucus for the proof in 2008

  • Perhaps Keyes should pay back the money he pulled from his previous campaigns before – once again – duping his few followers into asking for their financial support.
    Keyes career is running for office and essentially doing what Jim Bakker did with his “show”.
    Oh, it’s legal. Just immoral. Makes him a king sized hypocrite. Nothing more.

  • Three cheers for Alan. You’re the man! You have acknowledged Jesus before men, and been passionate about loving life. While you mockers applaud those who would stomp the necks of your unborn grandchildren into the dirt, this great man has fought for their right to be dandle upon you knees, and left a legacy of love, but you would not have it? God have mercy on you souls!

    and to you Alan……count it all joy!

  • Alan Keyes IS the only candidate who wants to restore God, The Declaration of Independence and The Constitution of these United States. EXACTLY how the Founding Fathers intended.

    The government has usurped TOO MANY of our Unalienable Rights’ already!

    With each new trade agreement the Pres and Congress have given away another piece of ‘American Sovereignty’ under the “illusion of free trade”. We the people, where trade is concerned, now have NO REDRESS of GREIVANCES, since they gave ‘authority to trade’ to a governing body that is NOT elected by the people- that leaves the people ‘no redress of grievances’…

    IF you are for RESTORING The Constitution with the Declarations intent and restoring the rights MAN took away (even though they are endowed by their Creator and are unalienable rights).

    IF you want to leave, the ‘America’ our Founders intended’, to posterity then Dr Alan Keyes is our only hope… As he says, ‘When they dictate the choices, they dictate the choice’

    The Republican Party NEVER thought people would vote for Reagan, how wrong they were…Keyes is taking it even further than Reagan — in order to restore our great nation – he must take it further and he has the vision and the smarts to do it..

    Check out ‘Pledge for America’s Revival’: http://www.alankeyes.com/pledge.php

  • This is probably the worst article I have ever read. I know some people at the New York Times. Do you need a job? Cause when your boss sees this he might fire you. This looks like something those fear-mongers might write about Al Gore or Bill Clinton. If he isn’t a threat why does his message have you fired up at all. If he really wasn’t a threat you would ignore him like CNN, FOXNEWS, MSNBC, and ultimate the national GOP. The real story is how IOWA GOP still hasn’t released his vote totally from the Iowa Caucus despite the fact that they released Tancredo’s five votes despite dropping out. Write that for your new job interview.

  • Please stay in it, Alan Keyes
    We need someone who will stand up and tell it like it is. We are tired of being silenced and ignored when it comes to language, borders and culture. We are tired of politicians who tell us what they think will get votes, even though they don’t believe it themselves, and won’t honor their promises once in office. We need someone who says what he means and means what he says.

  • Yeah, please stay in it Keyes. Because the longer you stay in it, the more you guarantee the Democrats a victory. Keyes is not respected by his peers, let alone his opposition.
    http://www.realchange.org/keyes.htm
    Ask Mary Cheney and her father, the current VP, what they think of Keyes. Pop-eye Keyes has never come in better then last place in every election he has entered. He is the personification of a clueless candidate. He runs ONLY to keep his speaking fees above that of a dog catcher. Wake up! Why would a guy who has never been promoted or elected or been in any permanent job run for president? He is milking his few supporters. How rude and demeaning! Check the satellite photo of his estate in Maryland out. Check out how much cash he has pulled out of his donations for “reimbursements and salary”. Ask for a DETAILED accounting of what he is spending his campaign’s money on. He’s got a nice gig and his sheep nicely BAAAA behind him. Fools!

  • Kerwin,
    Your arguments are meaningless. Why don’t you put your effort in supporting the candidate of your choice instead of spending so much effort in trying to bring down Alan Keyes?

  • Keyes is my candidate for super Tuesday. He’s pro-life, Has a moral vision. That’s much more than I can say for many Americans that only want to tear down and destroy our Nation. If all you can do is name-call, then it is obvious your don’t read the issues anyway. Do us all a favor and just don’t try to vote!

  • Wow! I don’t really know a lot about Alan Keyes, but I have done a bit of research into his ideas and his past. If you don’t like him because he worked for the US at the UN and you are thinking of voting for Obama or Clinton, you need to be in the rubber room. It seems to me that here is a guy that wants to make America better for you and all you want to do is call him crazy for it. Do just a little bit of research on Obama and Clinton and then try to tell me either of them are honest people with your interests on their minds. They are in it for their own agendas and they could care less about what happens to this country. If Alan Keyes had a chance of winning, I think he would have my vote.

    Please do some actual research before you vote.

  • As proven on many sites, Keyes support continues to dwindle and his situation in politics becomes more confusing. Which party does he belong to this month? Why does his campaign owe more than it has earned and has zero delegates yet he continues to run for an office that he has zero chance of winning? Why does he have a 33% reporting detail for the previous quarter while the other politicians (and the ones who dropped out) have over 70%?
    People – meet the biggest hypocrite and joke in politics today = Mr. Keyes and his merry few Keyster followers!
    Maybe he should start showing his daughter unconditional love before going on the road on his supporter’s nickels and dimes.

  • The fact that Keyes is being labeled as a name caller is absurb. This Whole artical is bashing Keyes with names. I am possitive that whoever wrote this does not know the meaning of Hypocryte. Alan Keys has critical christain values that he has addressed in his campaign and this makes him an all around great candidate. Articles such as this are a big let down to what people like Alan Keys can do for the United States and the world for that matter.

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