Prefer not to see the ACLJ succeed? Think again!

February 4, 2006

[Editor’s Note: Yes, Morbo sort of retired a few weeks ago, but he suggested he might come back on occasion, when he has something to contribute. Thankfully, today is one of those days. Enjoy. -CB]

Guest Post by Morbo

The Carpetbagger mentioned recently that TV preacher/assassination advocate/instrument of God’s wrath Pat Robertson’s American Center for Law and Justice is suing on behalf of some pharmacists who don’t want to fill birth-control prescriptions. Several states are considering laws to protect these pharmacists from being fired for refusing to do their jobs.

Progressive are appalled. I say let’s not be so hasty.

Here’s my thinking: Anyone who has taken an American Literature course has probably had to read Herman Melville’s short story “Bartleby the Scrivener.” The story deals with an enigmatic law clerk named Bartleby who at first is very diligent toward his work copying documents. But then he simply stops working and when assigned a task cryptically replies, “I would prefer not to.”

The pharmacists are arguing a religious freedom right not to fill these prescriptions. If they win, it will be an easy matter to go into the courts and secure the same right for non-religious people. This is what happened over the issue of mandatory military service. Members of pacifist religions sought exemptions. Those were granted. Years later, the courts extended those same exemptions to anyone holding a similar pacifist views, even if they did not spring from a religious faith.

So, thanks to the ACLJ and its “Bartleby Standard,” we can all start goldbricking at work! We’ll have a legal right not to do our jobs and still be free from getting fired.

Let’s face it, work can be very annoying. You’re often asked to do things you don’t want to do. They expect you to show up on time, sober and appropriately dressed. You have to show up pretty much every day. Often they put you in a type of cage called a “cubicle” where you are forced to engage in repetitive tasks. Some jobs are even worse. You might have to sell encyclopedias or even work outside in cold weather! No wonder the band The Smiths once observed, “Work is a four-letter word.”

The Bartleby Standard is going to change all of that. Relax. Put your feet up on your desk for a while. Have a nice drink. Surf the web. It’s cool.

Let’s look at a few examples of the Bartleby Standard in action; they could be relevant to your life:

Office Jobs
Mean Boss: Henderson! Have you filed those papers yet?
Henderson: I would prefer not to.

Factory Work
Overbearing Supervisor: Brown, get back to work! You’re holding up the line. Get those widgets assembled!
Brown: I would prefer not to.

Fast Food
Customer: Um, I ordered fries with this burger. Could you get them for me?
Pimply Clerk: I would prefer not to

Blogging
Carpetbagger: Morbo, where’s that piece on Karl Rove being the Antichrist?! You were supposed to have that done by Wednesday. I need it now, so get on it!
Morbo: I would prefer not to.

I don’t normally agree with the ACLJ, but from where I’m sitting (and not doing my job) this just looks better and better.

Congress: Submit to Congressional oversight
Bush: I would prefer not to.

  • Morbo! Welcome back. I love your twisted logic. I have a problem, though. What do you do if your self-employed?

    Mean boss (me): I need to get that server built and ready for cutover this weekend!
    Me: I prefer not to.
    Mean boss (me): I guess I’ll have to do it myself, then.

    See, that’s where I run into trouble. Can you help?

  • Bartleby has long been just about my favorite character in all of fiction. Great to see him getting his due recognition.

  • Just curious about how well the question below works. Will my comment appear if I claim the color of an orange is green (true before it is ripe)? We shall see.

    Apparently not. Says posting closed.
    Now, let’s try orange again.

  • Damn! I wish I had recalled Bartleby before I went to the bother (and finality) of retiring.

    Head of FEMA (before and after Katrina): I would prefer not to.

    Rumsfeld (after Scowcroft said he’d need 400,000 troops): I would prefer not to.

    It’s perfect! Thanks, Morbo.

    And remember: that four letter word “work” is the curse of the drinking class.

  • Why limit it to employment situations? Start telling customers to get lost when they ask for things you find distasteful. That’s about the same thing going on with these pharmacists.

    So when a lady goes through the grocery checkout with a couple juicy T-bones in her cart, let the cashier refuse to check her out because eating meat is a violation of the cashier’s principles.

  • Problem with folk here is that you are thinking logically.

    Can’t you see there is a world of difference between a fundie pharmie refusing to fill a birth control script and a peacenik refusing to fight?

    One is doing the lords work, serving god and helping their fellow man reach heaven.

    The other is a fucking unamerican in-love-with-osama coward.

    Get it?

  • I understand the frustrations over this topic, but I think it far from as black and white as you present it. I am currently a pharmacy student, and in my ethics class, this gets a lot of debate. I was dead set against allowing pharmacists to refuse to fill a script for personal beliefs until my professor brought up the death penalty.
    In states that still have the death penalty, and their method of murder is lethal injection; someone has to fill the script. (It’s actually three, but lets not get technical). I could NOT; due to personal beliefs fill a prescription that I knew would kill someone. That’s just me, but I can’t do it. So then, what right do I have to tell someone else that they have to go against their beliefs?
    What our class decided was the best option was to allow pharmacists to refuse to fill a prescription so long as it does not create an unreasonable burden on the patient. If there is a pharmacy across the street, then the customer can easily walk there and still get what they need. It gets tricky in rural areas, but there are still other ways.
    I guess what I’m saying is…this isn’t black and white.

  • Fubar – the problem IS black and white. No one’s insisting that you fill a prescription for the lethal drug. Just that you not become a professional lethal drug proscriber and then expect everyone to “respect” your “right” to DO YOUR DAMN JOB. Because by agreeing to do a job that you have no intention of doing, you’re both denying someone else the chance to have that position, and denying your services to people who depend on SOMEONE doing the damn job.

    I’m using the death penalty as an example not just because you brought it up, but because it’s something I also adamantly oppose. My personal beliefs have nothing to do with the fact that we live in a democracy, and that democracy has decided that certain things are legal. I have no right to impose my own legality on that which is strictly a matter of personal conscience.

    If, on the other hand, your intention is to prohibit anyone from doing something you personally object to – – for instance, refusing to fill a legal prescription – – that’s being an obstructionist. If that’s the intent, the person at least ought to be honest enough to admit it. Unfortunately, there’s no “right” to obstruct other people from exercising their legal rights, so they hide behind religion.

    One of the things a lot of people who defy civil authority seem to forget – civil disobedience carries a price. If you break the law, expect to go to jail. If you disobey company policy, expect to be fired. If you behave outrageously, expect society to be outraged. If you do any of these things and expect everyone to let you get away with it, you haven’t risked anything and your stance means nothing.

    Some more examples:

    Utility customer: I need the electricity restored to my dance hall
    Fundamentalist lineman: I would prefer not to

    Starbucks manager: I need extra water lines installed to deliver more coffee
    Mormon Water Utility worker: I would prefer not to

    Tourist: Sell me three tickets to drive through the National Park, please
    Environmentalist Ranger: I would prefer not to

    Supermarket patron: I’ll take two pounds of ground beef:
    Vegan butcher: I would prefer not to

    Owner of Adult book store: Save my burning building!
    Baptist fireman: I would prefer not to

    Married man with 5 children already: Can you sell me some condums?
    Catholic clerk at only drugstore in town: I would prefer not to

    Sober paying customer: Gimme a dry martini
    Muslim bartender: I would prefer not to

    Lyle Lovitt: Make mine a cheeseburger
    Jewish waitress: I would prefer not to

    Overweight driver: Supersize me!
    Health nazi: I would prefer not to

    SVU owner: Fill ‘er up!
    Gas station owner with grandchildren: I would prefer not to

    Customer: Ring up these Kenny G albums
    Appalled checkout clerk: I would prefer not to

    Exhausted black trucker miles from the next town: Can you give me a room for the night?
    Church of White Pride hotel manager: I would prefer not to

  • Rats. Righteous rant ruined.

    Make that “… respect your ‘right’ to NOT DO YOUR DAMN JOB.”

  • >Morbo! Welcome back. I love your twisted logic. I have a problem, though. What do you do if your self-employed?

    >Mean boss (me): I need to get that server built and ready for cutover this weekend!
    Me: I prefer not to.
    Mean boss (me): I guess I’ll have to do it myself, then.

    >See, that’s where I run into trouble. Can you help?

    I have been thinking about this all weekend and have concluded that you must fire yourself for insubordination, then apply for unemployment benefits. Under the Bartleby Standard, they cannot be denied to you. You might have to rehire yourself once the unemployment runs out, but sooner or later you’ll have the same insubordination problem with yourself once again and can repeat the cycle.

    As for the server, well, someone who prefers to can build that.

  • SV,

    Customer: Ring up these Kenny G albums
    Appalled checkout clerk: I would prefer not to

    ROTFLMAO. Humor aside, I think your examples are very instructive. Although the Muslim bartender is a bit of stretch. ;-> Also, more on point for the fubar, how about the following:

    Patient: please fill this presription for antibiotics
    Christian Scientist Pharmacist: I would prefer not to.

    Sort of highlights the issue, don’t it? Fubar, care to respond?

  • Of course,
    You both bring up excellent points. And i agree that if i dont want to do my job, i shouldnt work there. Thats why I will never work for any pharmacy that has a contract to fill lethal scripts for states that murder.
    Edo, you bring up a good point….However…i find it hard to believe that someone who objects to taking ANY medication would turn to a field of work such as pharmacy. you make a good point, but i think its a bit of a stretch.
    I will have no problem filling any scripts except for the death penalty. What i was trying to say in my post was that it seems a little hypocritical of me to say that its okay for me to refuse to do something due to personal beliefs, and say that someone else is a horrible person for doing the same.
    I’m a liberal because i believe that each one of us has the right to live and believe what we want. to be cliched, i’ll quote voltair (or butcher the spelling of his name and paraphrase him) “i may disagree with what you say, but defend to the death your right to say it”.

  • You guys seem to draw a fine line between taking a life that is able to defend itself and taking the life of someone trapped in the womb.

    Not.

    You are completely willing to kill the unborn and want the pharmacist fired if he refuses to help you in your slaughter. But you think it okay if he refuses to help kill a convicted murderer.

    Preventing fertilization or administering an abortifacient or placing a lethal dose of chemicals into a vein are separated only by their location on a timeline and the culpability of the victim. Apparently if you kill ’em early enough, they don’t have to be guilty of anything. Later on, even if they commit incredibly vicious and brutal crimes, it’s okay to defend their right to life. A right they have already denied another.

    Except for the fact that there are roughly 3,000 infants aborted each day in the US (a twin towers seven days a week), your arguments would be humorous. But I’ve seen too many human babies in 1/2 gallon jars to laugh.

    • Comments are closed.