Put your complaints on ice

February 25, 2006

Guest Post by Morbo

I don’t know what’s worse — the fact that President Bush learned about the United Arab Emirates port deal from the newspapers or that his staff used that fact in his defense without shame.

I planned to rant about it, but what more is there to say? This administration has so often lived up to the soft bigotry of low expectations that nothing surprises me any more. Maybe we should be pleased that Bush is apparently reading some newspapers now — or at least having someone read them to him.

So let me offer some thoughts on a completely different subject instead: the Winter Olympics.

Let me begin by saying that I could care less about televised sports of any type. I don’t watch them and don’t follow them. I don’t play sports myself and was one of those kids who hated taking gym in school. When the weather is warm, I ride my bicycle. A few years ago, I took fencing lessons, but that was for purely practical reasons: I wanted to be ready in case a rake from the provinces insulted a countess at a dinner party.

Then something kind of weird happened: My daughter loves ice skating and has been watching the Olympics all week. Much to my surprise, I have been drawn in a few times myself. I even caught myself looking at the Sports section of The Washington Post. There I was shocked to learn that various sports snobs assert that ice skating isn’t a “real” sport and insist that it is the domain of girls and effeminate men.

A little online research led me to more of these snobs. Orlando Sentinel columnist Jemele Hill carped about ice dancing, “I know ice skating requires coordination, skill and timing, but so does picking your nose and that ain’t a sport.”

I’ll concede the dancing is a little hokey — and the men really have to do something about those shirts. Still, I’ve been on ice skates before and anyone who can pull off those kinds of moves while balanced on a thin metal blade has my admiration. I’d like to offer this challenge to the people who blithely insist that ice skating is not a real sport: Get your butt out on the ice. Do some laps; spin around on a narrow blade. Skate backwards. Then, do all of it while lifting a 110-pound woman in the air with one arm.

After you’ve done that, I’ll be happy to listen to your explanation of why ice skating is not a sport but hitting a ball with a stick is.

Is duck hunting an Olympic sport?

  • Good thing those costumes don’t come in safety orange.

    Of course, figure skating is a sport, as is ice dancing and ballroom dancing when performed at the competetive level. My knees and hips ache just watching the performances from the comfort of my extra plush and cushy Barco-lounger.

    My only hope for an Olympic medal now is if the IOC recognizes combined channel and web surfing as some form of 21st century bi-athletics.

  • Morbo, ice skating is NOT a sport, neither is gymnastics or diving. Basically anything where you get judged is an activity. If I have to do it faster than you, etc., that’s a sport. If some judge tells me that I’m better, where’s the sport in that. Just because it’s an activity doesn’t mean that it doesn’t require talent, skill, strength, coordination, etc. Interesting that you are doing the reverse life plan – watching more tv sports now that you have kid(s). I can’t find time to watch unless Tivo’ed after my son is asleep.

  • I agree that the figure skating events take great skill and can be very enjoyable to watch. I don’t call them “sport” because the results are determined by judges — to me that is “art” not “sport”.

    I realize that this approach would get ride of the highest rated broadcasts (women’s figure skating and women’s gymnastics) but thats the breaks. It actually makes them more enjoyable to watch if you ignore the judges, scoring and medals — just appreciate the grace in motion.

    Now if you want to talk about ice sports on TV — lets talk about curling! Thank god for my ReplayTV or I’d have to get up at 4am to watch any.

  • ESPN shows poker, spelling bees, and bass fishing. How the hell can that crap be called “sports”? And in a way, all sports are judged. Rmember the compalints about the horrible ref calls during the Superbowl? Often times, better teams doesn’t always win, even if they are faster or stronger.

  • Interesting commentary Homer. So your theory is ice skating, gymnastics and diving are not sports, but Nascar racing and beer chugging contests are.

    For that, I judge that you should take five laps around the gym.

  • Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary

    Main Entry: 1sport
    Pronunciation: ‘spOrt, ‘sport
    Function: verb
    Etymology: Middle English, to divert, disport, short for disporten
    intransitive senses
    1 a : to amuse oneself : FROLIC b : to engage in a sport
    2 a : to mock or ridicule something b : to speak or act in jest : TRIFLE
    3 [2sport] : to deviate or vary abruptly from type (as by bud variation) : MUTATE
    transitive senses
    1 : to display or wear usually ostentatiously : BOAST
    2 [2sport] : to put forth as a sport or bud variation

    Main Entry: 2sport
    Function: noun
    1 a : a source of diversion : RECREATION b : sexual play c (1) : physical activity engaged in for pleasure (2) : a particular activity (as an athletic game) so engaged in
    2 a : PLEASANTRY, JEST b : often mean-spirited jesting : MOCKERY, DERISION
    3 a : something tossed or driven about in or as if in play b : LAUGHINGSTOCK
    4 a : SPORTSMAN b : a person considered with respect to living up to the ideals of sportsmanship good sport poor sport c : a companionable person
    5 : an individual exhibiting a sudden deviation from type beyond the normal limits of individual variation usually as a result of mutation especially of somatic tissue
    synonym see FUN

    1 a : to amuse oneself
    I would like to indicate that broadly that this thread qualifies as sport.

  • I used to be considered “athletic” by people who didn’t know I studied . . . ballet. It’s the muscles, stupid! (I’m not calling anyone here stupid, ya know that.)

    Maybe the competition/performance is art, but the training is sports. 100% sports. Even if you’re wearing a tutu.

  • Could flip-flopping be an olympic sport?
    How about swiftboating, spinning, and obstructing?
    Washington has world class talent that would bring home the gold.

  • Curling is the one that seems odd to me to include as an Olympic sport. Because I believe it’s the only Olympic sport that doesn’t involve any athletic prowess.

  • Actually, curling probably requires more athletic skill than any other. In all of the other sports brute strength or luck can tip the scale. In curling it’s just the team, the ice, and the opponents.

    Hell, most of us couldn’t even walk backwards on the ice like that, let alone sweep to curl the stone properly.

    A look at the captain of the Swedish team would show what I mean- at six-foot-six, he obviously could have been a champion in any sport other than horseracing.

    And I’m guessing there will never be a steroid scandal in curling. You just couldn’t do it if you had the steroid jitters.

  • Curling does, indeed, require more than average athleticism. Hurling a 40-lb. rock down a sheet of ice with pinpoint accuracy is, I dare say, much more an aspect of sport than NASCAR.

  • Diving gets judged. Is that just an activity and not a sport?

    I really can’t see how curling “requires more athletic skill than any other” — you don’t really say anything to back up that assertion. Saying “it’s just the team and the ice” or “look at the Swedish captain” does absolutely nothing to help support your claim.

    I love curling, but I don’t see how there’s any more athletic prowess involved than there is in throwing darts or playing lawn bowling or marbles. It’s just finesse and strategy. Why they have separate women’s and men’s teams doesn’t make sense to me either. Seems to make about as much sense as having separate men’s and women’s tournaments for poker or chess. (I’d say the same for other olympic competitions like rifle shooting).

  • Good points all; just for the record, beer chugging is not a sport, but beer (ping) pong is a sport.

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