Rove’s book gets marked down — before it’s written

A few weeks ago, word surfaced that Karl Rove was shopping for a book publisher, and was poised to make a cool $3 million. He is, after all, Karl Rove. He’s The Architect. As the greatest political mind of the decade, his book is bound to be awesome.

Or so the theory went. In reality, of course, Rove’s not quite the legend he thinks he is, and interest in his book was tepid, at best. One recent report noted that Rove made the rounds with of publishers with a power lawyer at his side, and quickly found that there would be no bidding war. An executive at one of the houses said, “It’s very, very slow.”

Rove ended up with his deal yesterday, but it’s not exactly a blockbuster.

GOP strategist Karl Rove has agreed to write about his years as an adviser to President Bush in a deal worth over $1.5 million with former colleague Mary Matalin’s conservative imprint at Simon & Schuster, officials said Friday.

Rove, the architect of Bush’s 2000 and 2004 presidential campaigns and one of the most influential political advisers of his time, signed the deal with Threshold Editions, the imprint’s publisher and executive vice president Louise Burke said.

“All of us at Threshold are thrilled to publish the book from the man who had the president’s ear for two terms,” Burke said.

One publisher was particularly uncharitable, saying Rove “doesn’t have the personality” to land a major deal.

That may very well be part of it, but I think there’s a more realistic explanation for Rove’s book deal getting marked down.

There’s no doubt that Rove has been witness to some extraordinary events, but his book is bound to be a dud. I can think of at least four reasons.

First, he’s tragically dishonest, and everyone, everywhere, knows it. In fact, I’m fairly confident I can summarize the book now: “Bush was extraordinary; his critics were awful; and the media was unfair.” There, I just saved book buyers $29.95.

Second, Rove had all kinds of dirt he could dish, but publishers realize that he’s far too loyal a sycophant to ever make his former boss look bad. He’s the original “loyal Bushie”; the idea of him writing a juicy tell-all is absurd. The book is bound to be hagiographic.

Third, Rove’s genius has been wildly exaggerated, and interest in his insights has waned in light of his failures. In 2000, he pulled out all the stops to help Bush win the New Hampshire GOP primary, where McCain won by double digits. On Election Day 2000, it was Rove’s idea to keep his candidate in California in the waning days, instead of campaigning in key battleground states. Bush lost California by a wide margin, and Rove’s strategy practically cost his candidate the election. More recently, Rove’s single recent responsibility was overseeing the Republican Party’s 2006 election strategy — and Dems won back both chambers of Congress in a historic victory. If congressional Republicans stopped taking him seriously as a credible political strategist in 2007, who’s going to take his book seriously in 2009?

And finally, there’s severe Bush fatigue. I suspect the vast majority of the nation, and even a strong number of Republicans, are anxious to see the end of the reign of error known as the Bush presidency. The idea of a fomer White House deputy chief of staff reflecting, in a sycophantic style, on eight years that most of us will prefer to forget, doesn’t exactly scream, “best seller.”

That said, I open the floor to a little game: come up with a name for Karl Rove’s book. The possibilities are almost endless.

“How I Ratfucked America” (ratfucking being a term he would have learned from Nixon’s dirty trickster, Donald Segretti, his first political employer)

  • I think mostly they couldn’t figure out whether to market it as fiction or non-fiction.

    he-he-he-he

  • KKKarl’s Story

    Rove Rove Rove Your Boat and Other Fun Games with Water (Waterboard Included as a Free Bonus!)

    The New Math and other highlights of a Texas Education

    Grim Fairy Tales: A New American History

    A Million Little Pieces (What’s Left of the Republican Permanent Majority)

    The Bush Administration for Dummies

  • A) He’s still getting $1.5 million, and he could get more if sales are high. Sales should be high among the Bush-faithful, and that’s still a large block of people. Look at how Ann Coulter’s books do, and it’s not as though she is known for honesty, independence, or taken seriously by anyone who knows anything. Bush-fatigue seems the most likely explanation.

    B) “The Turd Blossoms”
    “Mein Kampfire”
    “Kingmaking 101″(with R. Cheney)
    “DC for Dummies”
    “Pulling Strings: Revelations from the Puppetmaster”
    “The War on Terror: From Texas to Tikrit”
    “How I Made Bush A Success”

  • And some outright theft, with apologies to numerous authors:

    Less Than Zero: My Estimation of The President’s IQ
    The Unbearable Lightness of Bush’s Intellect
    Empire of the Son
    Confederacy Loving Dunces
    The Electric Kool Aid Loyalty Test
    One Elected the Cuckoo’s Nest
    The Barely Graduate
    A Portrait of the Cokehead as a Young Man

  • Rove’s book should be just called Doughy Pantload.

    I wonder why some performance artist hasn’t done a public waterboarding?

  • “Adventures of a Bush Pilot”
    “Breaking All The Rules”
    “Don’t Wait For Me Sir, I’ll Catch Up Later”
    “Righting The Ship Of State”
    “The Man Behind the Curtain”
    “Bush’s Brain: Owner’s Manual”
    “We’re Not In Texas Anymore”
    “Yessir, Mr. President” (a two-act farce)
    “Removing The Pretzel, and Other Escapades”
    “Awash In Assholes: The Making Of A President”

  • It’s interesting that nobody in the major media (that I have heard of) has made the comparison about how much Bill Clinton got for his book, and how much Hillary Clinton got for her book…. None of the right wing nuts could even dream of coming close….

    Rove had the grand idea and lofty goal of asking for $3 million, which would be less than 1/3 of Bill Clinton’s take, and he settled for half of is asking price. I guess he’ll be relegated permanently to the bottom, where he has the company of Ann Coulter and her ilk.

    Must be hard for them to see how ‘liberals’ make more money in the world of the ‘republican’s exclusive FREE market’ realm. After all, liberals like Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore are against anything that would allow people to create their own destiny. It must really hurt for them to see their arch enemies doing so much better than they could even dream of, and that’s without even trying. LOL

  • Actually, it’s more amazing that a conservative publisher is making the deal. You would expect such an organization to be the publisher of last resort and that is what he got.

  • The press pushed this guy but many of us just thought he was gutter trash. Dirty tricks and country splits just isn’t all that interesting. Like reading a book by Hitler’s adoring butler. He was wrong on nearly everything he ever did or advised and hopefully one day he will be in prison for corruption and obstruction of justice. He is complicit in the railroading of Don Siegleman, and has disrupted DoJ investigations into republican corruptioin. He is guilty of voter ‘caging’ and is ethically challenged when it came to smearing anyone who stood in his way. Of course none of this will be in his book. He was never Bush’s ear but more appropriately Bush’s asshole. He’s repugnant to watch or even listen to. So who would want to read a book written by someone so nauseating? The press only heralded Rove so they would get inside stories and act like good little stenographers. He has acted like gutter trash willing to do anything to win an election…and Bush never actually won the oval office by election.

    The title: “Rove By Any Means”

  • no matter what, i expect to see it someday on the nytimes best-seller list – with the little dagger next to it denoting a book with bulk sales.

    wonder if it will be listen in “fiction” or “non-fiction”?

  • I think there are some people (who are non-assholes) who are genuinely going to be interested in reading his book. For discerning readers, though, I think the book is going to be very few silver needles hidden in a very large haystack (that is, the book is primarily going to be Ari Fleischer-like spin and a waste of time; it’s not going to be like reading something by, say, Henry Kissinger). I think the reason the book had a hard time getting published relative to his, um, stature, is because of the social implications it would bring on the publisher- people don’t want to be known among their social sets as the guy who published Karl Rove’s book. So, I don’t think the problem is that the book is going to sell bad.

    Those are just my speculations.

  • Title:

    Dangerous Liaisons- again, unfortunately, already taken.

    CB wrote:

    First, he’s tragically dishonest, and everyone, everywhere, knows it. In fact, I’m fairly confident I can summarize the book now: “Bush was extraordinary; his critics were awful; and the media was unfair.”

    Great summary.

  • Wow! what a list. All I could come up with is “Bat shit from the Bat cave”
    I’d rather go blind and eat a bug than read Rove’s lies.

  • I wonder how much of that 1.5mil will have to be disgorged to the ghost writer and who that writer will be; it’s not as if Rove is a smooth-talking intellectual, except when put side by side with the Shrub.

    As for the title… It’s impossible to better N. Well’s and Zeitgeist’s (esp. those @ 4 and 6), so I won’t even try 🙂

  • They Call Me Mr. Fibbs.

    Mary Matalin saw her buddy twisting in the wind and just couldn’t stand it. It was worth 1.5M to get their homeboy off the street and tucked back inside with his forlorn wanderings for cash taken care of.

    Tis the season for charitable giving and thanks to Mary, Karl can peer into his stocking and see something green and reassuring gracing the bottom. It’s not much but it’s something and he’ll figure out a way to get some more. He gave ’em eight very, very good years. They won’t let him starve.

  • Title #1: Lies and the Lying Liars That Tell Them: All Amateurs

    Title #2: Everything Looks Like a Nail: Hate and Fear as an Election Strategy

    Title #3: Sociopathy as a Path to Success

    Blue Girl: Premaindered! Perfect!

    “I suspect the vast majority of the nation, and even a strong number of Republicans, are anxious to see the end of the reign of error known as the Bush presidency.”

    I just met my girlfriend’s highly conservative uncle for dinner tonight. I understand that he’s a diehard Republican, and still talks the talk, and even HE hates Bush, and said he’s seriously thinking of voting Democratic.

  • “Das Base.”

    “Constitutionalized Extinction.”

    “Bushylvania: The Rise and Fall of the Law.”

    “Death of a Republic.”

    “Neoconservativism for Dummies.”

    “How I Made Ghengis Khan, Pol Pot, and Josef Stalin Look Like Mother Theresa.”

    “Education for Death: The Making of a War Criminal.”

  • Sheriff Andy as the Prince

    Lincoln Didn’t Have the Math on Fooling Peope

    Stealing the Presidency for a Dummy

    Using Religious People for Fun and Profit

  • I have to say, I feel bad for Louise Burke having to publish this crap (it’s not like she’ll edit it). But when you get into bed with Marlene Matalin, you can’t come out looking good. I mean, look at Carville. He wasn’t that ugly or stupid before they got married.

    But as I said in a C&L post, this is desperation publishing. Threshold’s line up going forward is dismal. I can’t imagine that they feel good about being Glen Beck’s publisher, no matter how many copies it sells. It’s pornography for the right, pure and simple. At least Maggie Crawford got out of the line of fire when she could. I’d bet anything this crap will be passed down the food chain to poor Kathyrne Sagan, late of Womansday.com. I’m sure she and Rove will get along famously.

    Don’t shit on Bob Barnett, though, for lawyering Rove. He’s a stand up guy.

  • “Turdblossom” by Karl Rove.

    With a name like that, it can be either Fiction or Non.
    Either way, it’ll sell.

    How many libraries are there in this country?
    And now, how many conservative talk show hosts?
    Oh, and how many book critics?
    There. That should account for most of the sales.
    (Maybe some other folks will buy it too.)

  • “All of us at Threshold are thrilled to publish the book from the man who had the president’s ear for two terms,” Burke said.

    shouldn’t that read “…from the man who was the president’s mouth for two terms”?

  • Here’s a few:

    “Roving America: My Life As A Petulant, Overrated Liar”
    “Something Wicked This Way Comes Again” (apologies to Bradbury)
    “Uncle Reamed Us Tales: The Bush and the Tarred Baby”
    “Karl Rove: A Woman Who Makes the World Worse”

    and finally,

    “There’s One Born Every Minute”

    Happy Holidays

  • How ’bout, “Wankers Away” – the continuing story of how Republicans usually avoid being in a war but always profit from it.
    Or, “Political Theory Gone Awry” – How we screwed the country, but still managed to make a profit.

  • “Karl Rove: A Woman Who Makes the World Worse”???????????

    Is it supposed to be an insult to be a woman?

  • “Duhyba: The Only Republican Candidate Who Had Lower Morals, Ethics, and IQ than Me and How I Made Him President:
    Or
    ” How I I Screwed One of the Most Powferful Families in America and Became President of the United States”
    Or
    “How I Found the Stupidest Rich Kid in the U.S and Managed to Replace His Tiny Brain With My Giant Turd Blossom”

  • Jen Flowers: How’s Bill doing?

    Actually I was just riffing on that shreiking wingnut harridan, Kate O’Bierne’s, book titled “Women Who Make the World Worse” which curiously contains no mention of her or Condoleeza Rice or Mary Matalin or Bay Buchanan or Karen Hughes or Jean Schmidt or Dianne Feinstein or, well, you get the picture. I mean no disrespect to women in general, just to the ones I don’t like and conflating them w/ the fat Nazi, Rove, for the sake of satire seemed appropriate to me.

  • Saturday at the local Dollar Store I found Ari Fleisher, Greenspan, Coulter and O’Reilly’s books all on sale for one dollar. I couldn’t do it though and left them on the shelf as they aren’t even worth the dollar. I can wait a while and find Rove’s there too.

  • As I was filing the above comment I filed it as
    “Autobiography of a Turd”
    Short, simple and Oh so true!

  • Why piss away good $$ on “Blossoms from the Top of the Turdpile” when, – if you hang on a bit you can read the ultimate: tThe Bush Autobiography.
    Who am I kidding? Bush?…write?..hahahah a book? ROFLMFAO

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