Santorum goes Hollywood

If your household is anything like mine, you sometimes check what’s playing at the local movie theater and ask, “Why aren’t there more movies being made by Rick Santorum?”

Well, we’re in luck. The former senator is going Hollywood.

Rick Santorum is in early talks on a movie project with Hollywood producer Stephen McEveety.

Rumors have been buzzing throughout Harrisburg that Santorum was connecting with McEveety, who produced Mel Gibson blockbusters such as “Braveheart,” “The Passion of the Christ” and “We Were Soldiers,” on a project.

Santorum seems anxious to steer clear of the star McEveety has worked with. “I am not doing anything with Mel Gibson,” Santorum said. “I am doing something with a movie project, but it is in the very, very early stages of the project. The only Gibson connection is that the guy that I am doing this with used to work for Gibson, but he does not now.”

How do you know when a prominent, conservative public figure is really controversial? When Rick Santorum doesn’t want anything to do with him.

Of course, this McEveety/Santorum production isn’t just some vague collaborative idea; they apparently have a specific story in mind.

The New York Post, which is not exactly an unimpeachable source, explained:

At the Pierre Hotel recently, the pair was discussing a film “to be released in October of 2008 in order to influence the November election.”

From what our eaves dropper could tell, it’s about “Three Iranian brothers . . . One comes to the U.S. as a terrorist.”

Santorum and Mc Eveety didn’t return calls for comment.

I’m not particularly inclined to believe the New York Post’s “eaves dropper,” but the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review confirms that Santorum’s movie will follow “three Iranian brothers who take disparate paths in their lives, including one who becomes a terrorist.”

Given Santorum’s cerebral, even-handed approach to the Middle East, I’m sure it’s going to be a movie that’s fun for the whole family.

Maybe Lynne Cheney will be writing the love scenes…

  • I’ll bet Justice Scalia can’t wait for it to come out so he can use it to base some decisions on.

  • I wonder if the plot centers around a pious Christian Senator, so out of place in the corrupt muck of DC, that he actually loses his election because he spent so much of his energy fighting the terrorists and caring for sick children. Say he’s from the liberal bastion of Pennsylvania, so the odds were stacked against him from the get go. His chief ally, the equally pious man in the Oval Office can do nothing because the terrorist loving news media won’t let him. Both heroes have been ‘hounded’ by amoral (obviously gay) elements of society as the terrorists assemble their diabolical plan. But they didn’t count on Rick Santor, who stays a step ahead, despite the enormous energy he invests in his prime concern, helping little old ladies get the health care they’ve been denied by big city liberals. He teams up with Jim Dods, a man so holy, our hero considers him a prophet. Together they eliminate terrorism from the Earth, round up the gays and kill their dogs.

  • Well, if they’re going to release it in October 2008, they’d best have the financing in hand NOW, the script ALREADY COMPLETED, the movie CAST, and be looking to start principal photography no later than August 1, otherwise they’re not going to achieve the goal. That’s just merely going on how long it takes to get a movie made, once you have slogged through all the hard part of getting people to want to make the movie.

    My bet is that financing, script and casting attachments are still out there in the land of nanu-nanu.

    Not to mention they’re neither of them on the “hot” list of film makers people really really really want to work with to get the sort of “Warp factor 10” speed they’d be needing.

    File under: two more idiots arrive in Hollywood with their heads in the clouds.

  • Oh, and if you thinjk McEveety is a big-time Hollywood producer, go look him up in the IMDb. Not eactly a PA trying to leap for the gold ring, but close.

  • You thought it was your worst nightmare…

    but in November, 2008, it becomes your reality…

    In association with 21st Sentry Faux, Reich Wing Productions presents…

    a film by Rick “Sanitarium” Santorum…

    directed by Academy Award winner Karl Rove…

    from the filmmakers who brought you The Stolen 2000 Elections

    The Permanent ReThug Plurality

  • File under: two more idiots arrive in Hollywood with their heads in the clouds.

    Shorter Tom Cleaver: Fresh Meat!

  • #5 Tom Cleaver:
    That was my first thought, until I thought about how much money Santorum could raise with a wave of his hand. He still carries a lot of clout in Outer Wingolia.

    Script? They don’t need one with the money Lil Ricky could bring in. They could could a hire a roster of right wing think tankers to churn out reams of propaganda and paste the ‘best’ of it into a ‘script’.
    Actor availability would be a significant problem this late. But they could go with a cast of unknowns. Director availabilty is probably their single biggest roadblock.

    I hope they go for it. This has all the markings of an epic disaster. Think Red Dawn meets Plan 9 From Outer Space.

  • Whatever they do produce will be shown on either Fox or ABC. And it will demonstrate that torture is an important tool in stopping global terrorism.

    If you repeat a lie often enough and entertainingly enough, it will be believed.

  • The “bad” brother becomes a terrorist while the two “good” brothers, one of whom converts to Xtianity, are the model of obedience. Massa Santorum and the CEOs of Global Corporatism will be so proud and the brain-dead zombies that vote for Rethugs will eat it up.

  • I can see Santorum’s pitch: “It’s like Three Men and a Baby, crossed with Day of the Jackal. It can’t miss!”

  • I bet they’ll get Armageddon-porn superstar Kirk Cameron to star as the Santorum character(Sen. ‘Rock Sanderson’).

  • The libruls in H’wood won’t let him be more than a bit player in a zombie flick. Right, Rush?

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