St. Paul mayor gets 10,000 boots in the behind

November 12, 2005

Guest Post by Morbo

There’s not much to be said about Tuesday’s elections that the ‘Bagger hasn’t already covered, but I wanted to add a few thoughts on my favorite outcome of the night.

There was much to like: A slate of creationist kooks went down in Dover, Pa. In California, Gov. Steroidinator saw the end of his ham-fisted efforts to run the state through ill-conceived ballot referenda. In Virginia’s gubernatorial race, Tim Kaine clobbered a GOP creep wholly lacking in a moral center, proving once again that Hitler ads just aren’t a good idea.

But my favorite moment came from Minnesota, the land of 10,000 lakes. I’m not ashamed to say I was very pleased to see St. Paul Mayor Randy Kelly go down in flames. Kelly was defeated by another Democrat, Chris Coleman, by a margin of more than 2-1. I know it’s not nice to take pleasure in the misfortunes of others, but when that other person is a jerk, I think it’s all right to indulge for just a little while.

For the life of me, I will never understand what gets into some of these politicians who represent blue regions or blue states yet still feel compelled to suck up to Bush. I can understand why a guy like U.S. Sen. Ben Nelson does it — I don’t agree with him doing it, but I can understand why he does — but the mayor of St. Paul? What was he thinking?

Kelly’s move reminds me of an incident that happened in my adopted home state of Maryland 13 years ago that, sadly, did not have such a happy ending. Maryland’s Democratic governor at that time, William Donald Schaefer, got the bright idea to endorse President George H.W. Bush just days before the election when virtually every poll in the nation showed Bush was going down.

I don’t know what Schaefer was thinking. Subsequently, Schaefer began to act very strangely, and the Bush endorsement may have marked the moment the bad chemicals started to devour his brain. Or perhaps he really believed that the coveted endorsement of the governor of Maryland would lift Bush in the polls. Not only did that not happen, but the people of Maryland went on to vote for Clinton by a large margin.

Unfortunately, Schaefer did not suffer politically. He left the governor’s mansion in 1994 and went on to be elected state comptroller. He is now a doddering old fool who regularly goes off on irrelevant tangents during public meetings. It’s not charming — it’s embarrassing. When Schaefer’s not complaining about fast-food workers speaking Spanish, he’s kissing the behind of the state’s Republican governor, Robert Ehrlich. Yes, the state of Maryland’s bond rating rests in the hands of a man who is certifiable. No one, it seems, has the heart to put him out to pasture.

But I digress.

As for Kelly, all I can say is this: My wife is a Minnesota native, and my travels there have led me to one conclusion: Those people know how to cook. (You betcha!) I urge Kelly to take solace in some comfort foods. Enjoy some hot dish and jello. Also, I’ve noticed that in Minnesota there is a Dairy Queen every three miles, so Kelly could drown his sorrows in a few sundaes as he contemplates the end of his career and asks himself over and over what possessed him to endorse a man who is on track to become the most unpopular U.S. president since Dick Nixon.

I would advise Kelly not to run for public office again. Minnesotans are known for being nice — but they aren’t stupid.

Just as every thunderstorm starts with a sudden puff of wind that turns the tree leaves backwards, may this past Tuesday’s results be the “puff of wind” that will soon blow the Rethugs and the American Taliban back under the rocks they came from.

Thanks, Morbo, for the local “Minnesota” flavors you describe. What a shame that Paul Wellstone’s fiery liberal compassion died with him and the state stupidly elected Norm Coleman — what a damn shame. Hopefully, that will be corrected soon — and if Kelly’s flameout is any indication, it is only a matter of time! Come on 2006!!

  • Yah, for Normie, vee gotta wait ’til 2008, fer cripes sake.

    The deal down to the Dairy Queen is dem Blizzards, doncha know.

    Vee got coupons, too, and vee’d share ’em with Mayor Randy, though vee don’t tink he’s showin’ up.

  • I favor the “favor” theory for Kelly’s endorsement of Bush:

    1. George W. Bush pushed St. Paul mayor Norm Coleman to run for U.S. Senate in 2002, which enabled him to beat out his Republican rivals in Minnesota.

    2. Norm Coleman endorsed Randy Kelly for Mayor of St. Paul in 2002, which gave him a leg up and helped him to become the new mayor of St. Paul

    3. Bush calls on Norm Coleman for a big favor in 2004 when he’s running for re-election.

    4. Norm Coleman calls on Randy Kelly to do him a big favor, and Kelly endorses Bush and makes Minnesota that much tougher a win for John Kerry, costing him valuable money and time spend in Minnesota.

    • Comments are closed.