The appalling, anti-family disgrace that is opposite-sex marriage

November 18, 2006

Guest Post by Morbo

I try to avoid news about celebrities, but in this culture it’s next to impossible not to see some. Thus, I read recently that Brittney Spears and her husband, Kevin Federline, are divorcing, as are the Hollywood couple Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe.

This leads me to conclude that it was a mistake to legalize opposite-sex marriages. It’s just not working out. Half of them fail, leading to the destruction of the American family. In Spears’ case, her two children will now grow up without a father.

I knew it was a mistake to give in to the heterosexual agenda. These heterosexuals have done nothing but make a mockery of our traditions through opposite-sex marriage. Also, many of them are promiscuous. Stories continue to circulate that Phillippe had some sort of extra-marital relationship. That’s so typical of heterosexuals and opposite-sex couples. They just can’t say faithful.

I’ll go further: It’s time to question the mainstreaming of heterosexuality in government, education and popular culture. For years we have allowed opposite-sex couples to flaunt their sexuality in movies, books and other forms of mass media. You even see them kissing on TV. It has only served to weaken our society. The next thing you know, heterosexuals will be targeting our children, trying to recruit them into a lifestyle where half of all marriages fail.

We need a change of direction. I’m suggesting ballot referenda — a series of votes in the states to add amendments to the state constitutions banning opposite-sex marriage. I’d also like to see a federal amendment to outlaw opposite-sex marriage.

It’s time to face facts and accept that the grand social experiment of opposite-sex marriage and government acceptance of heterosexuality has completely and utterly failed.

While I’ve seen variations of this many times, your rendition ranks with the best.

Thanks for making my day. Celebrating 15 years with hubby in about 6 weeks. Better than most couples (gay or straight) that I’ve known.

  • Dammit, Morbo. As a three time Het loser, I still believe in my heart that we can make this unnatural mating of men and women work. Although inter-species intercourse is illegal in some states the men-species and the women species can still come together. (Okay maybe not at the exact same time but close, pretty close.)

    I admit that the side-effect of spawning children is a major downside of the experiment, and that our brains are obviously incompatible, but think of the upside. Wait, I’m thinking. I’m thinking.

  • In Spears’ case, her two children will now grow up without a father.

    Not to worry. I suspect little Cooter and little Jethro will have no shortage of “fathers,” “uncles,” or “just some dude” passing through and imparting some much-needed male guidance before moving on.

    This is her second marriage after all. And she is from Alabama.

  • Right brainiac. In Alabama uncles can be fathers. Poor K-Fed-ex, rejected by the pop music fans and rejected by a pop diva all in the same month.

    Funny liine in Cars: I’m happier than a tornado in a trailor park.

  • Maybe we shoulds just ban marriages/unions among celebrities, straight or gay. You can marry before you are famous but not while or after. If they are taxed as singles, the government debt might drop a bit.

  • Actually, Spears is from Louisiana, not Alabama, but she’s from that part of Louisiana that’s almost exactly like Alabama.

    Congratulations Michael W – 15 years is good. I know of exactly two het relationships of people my age in which the original couple is still together, both now going on 30+ (in one case closer to 40) years, and they have no idea how it happened either. My oldest friend from childhood is coming up on 20 years with his hubby after deciding to finally be who he is.

  • Bravo! Bravissimo[a?]!
    Question 1: Can we outlaw Brittttnnney Spears* while we’re at it?
    Question 2: Should I tell my neighbors they’re sinners or just leave this blog entry in their mailbox?

    Congratulations MW, many x 7 happy returns. (I’m assuming another 105 years together will be sufficent and if not…will either of you notice?)

    tAiO

    *I don’t know why I thought she was from Canada. Many apologies to our Canadian friends for the unintentional slander. No. Wait. I’m NOT sorry at all. Why don’t you invade the US, topple our president and make me say I’m sorry?

  • “Although inter-species intercourse is illegal in some states the men-species and the women species can still come together.” – Dale

    According to recent reports from our ever greater understanding about genetics, long ago (you know, before the Creation) the ancestors of mankind cross mated with the ancestors of chimpanzees (before it became biologically impossible). I suspect that some pride of women ran out of (or just got sick of) men and decided to give the chimp-boys a chance.

    So the notion that men and women are two different species…

  • I actually want all mariage to be sripped of any legal status. If a marriage is a religious institution then the government has no business getting involved in it. And if it’s a civil contract — i.e., forming a sort of corporation, with community property and rights of surviorship, powers of attorney and legal guardianship of children, then it ought to be open to any two (or possibly more) law-abiding adults who want to enter into such an agreement.

    So I frankly think all marriages should be civil domestic partnerships in law. It should say so on the contract and the contract should be executed by an officer of the government, not a church. And if, in addition to their civil partnership, with all the legal rights and responsibilities that go with it, two people wish to exchange religious vows of marriage as well, then constitutional freedom of religion certainly gives them every right to do so. But that should be between them, their church and their god(s) and the state should stay the hell out of any subsequent arguments that might arise regarding who is elligible and who is not.

  • Morbo, I hope you were just jesting with tongue-in-cheek humor. I agree with your underlying premise, however: The “dangers” to the concept of anyone’s marriage is not others’ marriages to whomever–whether heterosexual or homosexual–but one’s own adultery and divorce.

    The foregoing message was brought to you by a happily married heterosexual male–the undersigned–who celebrated his 32nd anniversary this past August with his soul mate, his wife, Sue Ellen.

  • Well sometimes they (marriages and long-term relationships) do work. I’ve been married for 15 1/2 years — heterosexually though my wife and I are both bisexual. They’ve been stormy, but we have stayed together. My parents — a lesbian couple — were in a relationship that lasted over 30 years and only ended when one died. My wife’s parents — a heterosexual couple — have celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary and are still going strong. None of the relationships was ideal, and all had their trouble, but somehow they have lasted.

  • It’s not the relationship itself; it’s the people involved. You pick carefully (consider more than sexual satisfaction) and then work on making it a success. A divorce is like an abortion — it ought to be available as an option, but it should be the last resort.

    Libra, married (hetero) 33 yrs (anniversary just a couple of months ago) and hoping for many more.

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