Last week’s edition of this idea blatantly stolen inspired by The Daily Show seemed to be fairly well received, so it’s back for another installment. Let’s see what the ol’ “God Machine” kicks up this week….
First up is the bizarre tale of a Navy chaplain who’s been on a hunger strike by the White House, demanding the right to proselytize the way he wants. This week, the chaplain claimed victory. Unfortunately, he still doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
A Navy chaplain who had been on an 18-day hunger strike resumed eating Saturday and reported for duty yesterday at the base chapel in Norfolk, saying he had finally wrung from the Navy the right to pray publicly in the name of Jesus.
But a spokesman for the Navy maintained that the chaplain, Lt. Gordon James Klingenschmitt, had been tilting at windmills all along. The Navy has no regulation against praying to Jesus and “has always encouraged every chaplain to pray according to his own individual faith during worship services,” said the spokesman, Lt. William Marks.
Klingenschmitt, from the outset, has tried to make this story something it’s not. The Navy has public ceremonies — where attendance is mandatory for sailors and officers — in which chaplains are asked to use inclusive language that reflects the diversity of the armed forces. Klingenschmitt doesn’t care for that approach and wants to use his post to promote Christianity. His superiors said no, leading to Klingenschmitt’s hunger strike.
This week, the Navy said chaplains can worship however they please in military chapel or worship service, but keep services nonsectarian in other settings. Klingenschmitt claimed victory — except the Navy policy never changed.
For his trouble, Klingenschmitt lost 14 pounds during his hunger strike. I’m sure it will make for a fascinating anecdote for the chaplain’s next homily.
And while one chaplain wanted to rally support in Washington, on the other end of the theological spectrum, atheists have a similar goal.
Just because they don’t believe in a higher authority doesn’t mean that atheists aren’t itching to fight God politics in Washington. In fact, some atheists say they’re charged up about battling church-state issues and have now decided that it is time to do something about it: hire a lobbyist.
Kenneth Bronstein, head of New York City Atheists, tells us that he’s setting up a D.C. office called the Center for Atheism to fight for the godless. Bronstein explains: “I’m a guy who likes to raise hell, but since there isn’t one, we’ll lobby.”
With exactly zero self-identified non-believers in Congress, the lobbyist may face a little resistance. It’s good to know, however, that he has a knack for soundbites.
And, finally, from the First Church of Hate, we have Fred Phelps.
Not everyone who came to Sgt. Andrew P. Wallace’s visitation in Ripon was welcome.
Among those who stopped by were four adults and three children from the Kansas-based Westboro Baptist Church who hailed the soldier’s death, saying it was God’s revenge on a country that accepts homosexuality.
They dragged a U.S. flag on the ground while carrying signs that said “Thank God for dead soldiers” and “Thank God for IEDs,” a reference to the improvised explosive device that killed Wallace.
“My son died for their right to protest, I guess,” said Pete Wallace of Fox Lake. “(But) I can’t emphasize enough that it’s the wrong forum for them to be in.”
Wisconsin is considering legislation that would require protesters to be a set distance from funerals, but lawmakers and legal experts acknowledge that free-speech rights offer madmen like Phelps protection to spew bile.
One of these days, a family of slain soldier is going to go after Phelps and it isn’t going to be pretty.