Uncharted territory for fluff journalism

January 16, 2006

Most daily newspapers have a Sunday edition that includes advertising supplements and a substance-less “news magazine” insert, usually either Parade of USA Weekend. Readers can find short, pithy “articles,” including interviews with celebrities, gossip, maybe a recipe or two, etc.

But as my friend Cathy Resmer reported, yesterday’s edition of USA Weekend included one item that should embarrass the publication out of existence.

On a page with the word “Science,” in bold type in the upper left hand corner, an article entitled “Newly Charted Territory.” The subhead reads: “With the discovery of a new ‘planet’ in our solar system, some people may wonder: Will this affect my horoscope?” No, this is not an ad. It’s actual editorial copy!

Alas, this was a genuine article, published in a nationally distributed magazine, published by a major newspaper chain (Gannett), and run in conjunction with a major national daily (USA Today). The article is online so you can see it for yourself. From the piece:

Astrologers, the practitioners behind your trusted weekly horoscopes in the newspaper, are abuzz about how this new heavenly body could affect their craft. Would the addition of a new planet debunk traditional horoscopes and predictions? Could you think you’re a Scorpio today, then learn tomorrow that Xena ruled your chart all along? Some of astrology’s brightest minds weigh in on these questions and more for USA WEEKEND, and their answers may surprise you. […]

Figuring out Xena’s full influence could take years, but as of now, its message seems to be one of new awareness and harmony. “It gives us the opportunity to deepen our understanding,” says Shelley Ackerman, noted newspaper astrologer and BeliefNet contributor, “at a time when it is imperative that we change course and learn to accept one another.”

Again, this ran on the “Science” page. And it wasn’t a joke.

Quick, someone call Kansas!

  • “Could you think you’re a Scorpio today, then learn tomorrow that Xena ruled your chart all along?”

    Ah, that explains why all that Zodiac business never seemed to apply to me. And here I thought the reason was because it was all a load of mumbo-jumbo.

  • I could not get past Walter Scott’s partisan snipe at Bill Clinton in his Persionalities Q & A. in Parade.
    Seems that old Slick Willie is “rehabilitating his image” and “overcoming his natural partisan tendancy to criticize” the Chimperor by teaming up with GHW Bush for charitable purposes.
    After that, I could not read any more of that rag, so I missed this vital piece of news.
    To paraphrase the Onion, thank God our long national nightmare of peace and prosperity ended when Emeror Bush II was installed in office.

  • “With the discovery of a new ‘planet’ in our solar system, some people may wonder: Will this affect my horoscope?”

    Of course it will. Idiocy is ascendent. The discovery of this new planet makes that clear.

  • I never gave astrology any credence. Years ago I analyzed all the data, recorded over a number of years, in National Opinion Research Center (NORC, at the University of Chicago I think). NORC surveys standard political items (e.g., political persuasion), themes (e.g., attitudes toward gays and guns), and sometimes one-shot items (I can’t remember examples). They also include background items: age, gender, birth date, income, education, etc.

    I determined astrological sign of each respondent from the birth date. With that as the “independent variable” I cross-tabbed with every other variable. I didn’t get so much as a weak correlation between astrological sign and any other variable. You’d expect a few random (not real) correlations in so large a set variables; I got none. Nada. Knowing your astrological sign doesn’t enable me to predict, even weakly, your politics, relgion, income, hobbies, etc.

    Astrology relies on some supposed “influence” between the stars and you, particuarly at the time your birth. In fact, the gravitational attraction between your emerging fetus and the doctor/midwife who delivered you exceeds the gravitational attraction of the nearest star.

    Scientists are debating whether Pluto should be classifed among the planets.

    That the so-called “Science” page of a nation-wide Sunday supplement should even be discussing wether Scorpios are really Xenas shows just how dumb the dinosaurs of American “journalism” think Americans are.

    Their notion of “science” rivals their notion of “art” … all those kitchsy pieces of trash by “the painter of light” Thomas Kincade. Last Sunday (the same as the Scorpio-Xena “thought piece”) they showed an image of a hummingbird with irrelevant temples and sylvan scenes painted on it (ugh!). The piece was titled “Graceful Wings of Serenity”. Have these people ever observed a hummingbird? The rapid flapping of their wings, as well as their fights/threats around a feeder, are anything but serene. The price for this 8″ piece of junk? $29.95 plus $4.99 shipping.

  • Hey don’t knock astrology before you’ve really tried it. I’m not talking about the newspaper astrology blurbs, but sometime you ought to go to real astrologist (if you’re really interested in a scientific exploration into the issue of whether astrology is valid) with your birth date and time of birth (down to the minute, please) and place of birth. You may be very surprised at the very specific nature of the response.

    I had a whopper of an eclipse in Aug 98 settle on me and it “helped” cause a job change and move to the DC area. I didn’t want to believe it but it lined up pretty good. Not that you should live your life by astrology but you’d be surprised what astrology can tell about some people.

  • I guess that we had better contact Miss Cleo and see what the stars hold for chimpeachment.

  • J.,

    Whatever works for you, I suppose. All empirical tests I’ve tried have turned up nil.

    For what it’s worth, I was born at 5:52 pm, seven minutes after my twin sister, 27 Dec 1939, at St. Vincent’s Hospital, Los Angeles, California. No one, amateur or pro, has ever been able to make much from that (except that it’s lousy to share your two-days-after-Christmas with your twin sister).

    Astrology did come into play once, though, both negatively and positively. When we moved to Bellingham, to accept the teaching post at Western Washington University, where I spent 32 years before retiring, we realized we’d better buy a house — Demographics of the baby boom predicted, accurately, a rapid rise in housing costs. We found one we liked, a Victorian with a view of the Bay and the San Juan Islands and within walking distance of the university. I told the widow who was selling it that we wanted it and put down earnest money.

    When we came back to sign the sale papers she mentioned that she “dabbled” in astrology, emphasizing that she barely took it seriously. But she was curious about our “signs”. My wife said “Gemini”. The widow’s eyes lit up. “Great,” she said, “that’s my sign, too.” Then she turned to me. “Capricorn,” I said. Her face sank; I thought the deal was going to fall through. Then she asked what time of day I was born, and I told her. “Good,” she said, her face brightening. “That puts your rising sign [I think] in Leo, which was my late husband’s sign.” With that she signed over the deed.

    Later on, when I got out to the garage, I found (literally) bales of astrology magazines. I called her to see if she wanted them. “Toss them,” she said.

  • Speaking as a professional astrologer, leave me out of this crap. When you want an astrological opinion, consult a real one.

    David R. Roell
    Astroamerica.com

  • The ruler in your hand has more of a gravitational pull on you than the planet jupiter. I wonder how that affects my horoscope?

    Quite a lot. It’s now in the trash.

  • Regardless of any objective merit (or lack of it) in its architecture, astrology offers one benefit to people who follow it: every day, and every month, and every year it suggests doing something different than the day before. Today, do your budget. Tomorrow, get out and meet people. The signs and planets, besides their veneer of sophisitication, have a practical role — they keep everybody from getting the same advice on the same day.

    The same logic applies to Tarot cards, and the I Ching. If that’s what it takes to stay out of a rut… well, for most people it’s better than nothing.

  • As a professional physicist, I occasionally receive communications from, shall we say, eccentric theorists — Einstein deniers, amateur cosmologists and the like. Sometimes, they even give me books. One of my prize possessions in my crackpot collection is a book that came to me all the way from Italy. How he got my address, I’ll never know. In thoroughly fractured English, the author presents the following syllogism:

    (a) Horoscopes don’t always work, but
    (b) Astrology is obviously correct, so therefore
    (c) There are some unaccounted-for planets out there somewhere.

    In fact, he proved through rigorous astrological analysis that there are two undiscovered planets, and presented his theory to me so that I could attest to his claims of priority once they are discovered.

    Well, ok, he’s batting .500. That’ll get you into the hall of fame.

  • BuzzMon, I thought I was the only one to notice. Ole Walt seems to be on the take with the other neo-con journalists, if you can call what he does journalism. I’ll be using Parade rag as bird cage liner…its only fitting to have real crap hit that rag!!!!

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