‘We Need Alan Keyes’

Watching the recent Republican presidential candidates debate, we’ve seen plenty of nonsense, dissembling, errors of fact and judgment, but we haven’t seen any true lunacy. The candidates are too busy trying to appear presidential to unleash the real crazy.

And where’s the fun in that? Clearly, what we need is Alan Keyes.

An organization calling itself “We Need Alan Keyes for President” has launched a website to press the former Reagan administration diplomat to enter the field of Republican presidential contenders.

According to a statement at the website — AlanKeyes.com — the organization’s purpose is to “determine and rally support for a presidential candidacy by Dr. Keyes.”

The statement adds, “We Need Alan Keyes for President, Inc., is a political action committee . . . not managed by Alan Keyes.”

The effort is spearheaded by several individuals at RenewAmerica, a grassroots organization affiliated with Keyes.

Stephen Stone, president of RenewAmerica, said, “At this point, Alan has not indicated that he will run. In fact, he has said that he would run only if enough people at the grassroots come forward to say they want him to run. Our job is to give them a chance to do so.”

There’s actually two angles to all of this. First is the painful notion of imagining Keyes becoming the 12th, and least stable, Republican to throw his hat into the ring.

The second is more amusing. The group calling itself “We Need Alan Keyes for President” insists that this endeavor is “not managed by Alan Keyes.” There are a variety of reasons to believe this isn’t true.

Here’s the evidence:

* The two people launching the Draft Keyes campaign lead an organization (RenewAmerica) chaired by Alan Keyes.

* The Draft Keyes campaign has a website registered to Alan Keyes Enterprises.

* The money being raised for the Draft Keyes effort is apparently headed to Keyes. (A donation disclaimer on the site tells contributors, “Should Alan decide not to enter the race, your donation will be used to support one or more organizations that are consistent with the vision and Declarationist ideals of Alan Keyes, as selected by the principals of We Need Alan Keyes for President, Inc.”)

As my friends at RWW summarized:

Considering that We Need Alan Keyes for President is not in any way being “managed by Alan Keyes,” it sure was generous of Keyes to allow the president and legal counsel of his organization to take time out of their schedules to try and gin up support for his own presidential campaign. And it was even more generous of him to hand over his website to help them in their effort.

Keep an eye out for Keyes. One gets the sense he’ll be popping up more and more sometime soon.

I guess Alan Keyes is into safe sex as this is pretty much autofellatio.

  • …we’ve seen plenty of nonsense, dissembling, errors of fact and judgment…

    You forgot “blatant torture mongering”

    Oh please please please let that lunatic Keyes garner a serious amount of support from the wingnuts. Every time I see him speak I just about die laughing, and laughter is good medicine when you’re really sick (of Republicans).

  • One thing people may have forgotten is that, bad as he is, George W Bush was arguably the sanest candidate for the 2000 Republican nomination. He was competing against the likes of Keyes, Steve Forbes, Dan Quayle and Gary Bauer, among others. The GOP money guys backed him because he, unlike many of his competitors, was not an obvious whackjob.

    The drive to Republican insanity is also being pushed along by the fact that W’s unpopularity is making a Republican presidential victory in 2008 look increasingly unlikely. So, to the extent there might be any non-crazy contenders, they realize this is a bad year to be running, leaving the field to the desperate (McCain), the utterly unprincipled (most of them, but especially Mitt) and the plain certifiable (Rudy and the rest of the dwarfs).

    Our two-party system presupposes that both parties will field credible candidates. The Republicans are manifestly unable or unwilling to do so. As long as this is true, the system is dangerously broken.

  • At first I thought the title to this post was a simile game, you know, “We need Alan Keyes like we need _______(fill in the blank.)”

    Some obvious answers would be a hole in the head, multiple holes in the back of the head or a bad urinary tract infection after poundiung a six-pack of beer.

  • Keep an eye out for Keyes. One gets the sense he’ll be popping up more and more sometime soon.

    As much as the idea of this filthy fascist maggot crawling from under its log and sullying the air decent humans breathe fills me with nausea, I’d enjoy watching Alan Keyes’ Crazy Train race La McCainiacs’ Straight Talk Express to lowest levels of Das Base.

    Dream election: Obama vs Keyes

    Comment by Dale — 6/7/2007 @ 11:41 am

    Yes! A sequel of the funniest election evA! Which ReThug had the idea to drag Keyes out to Illinois? I want to shake his hand (wearing thick gloves of course). Not only did it remove that disgusting pig from my home state, it made the ReThugs look a bigger bunch of ass hats than usual.

  • He might make the rest of the field look sane and reasoned. That would be tragic, not funny.

  • Steve M (@12),

    Bite your tongue, with that 3rd party business. My husband — normally a “yellow dog Dem” — all of a sudden said today (As we were discussing Dem candidates): “Chuck Hagel is talking about a third party… I don’t know… I like Chuck Hagel”…

    34yrs of (generally peaceful) marriage almost went down the tubes on that 🙂 Chuck Hagel is right on Iraq — when he talks, at any rate. Where else is he right?

    I’m not ecstatic about any of the current Dem candidates (I want my Gore ), but, really… What’s the option?

  • I once went on a blind date with Alan Keyes!!!!

    (I got very drunk and threw up, LOL.)

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