Guest Post by Morbo
Two recent stories from the world of science really have me really worked up.
Researchers with a San Francisco firm have just announced that two kidney dialysis patients from Argentina have received the world’s first blood vessels grown in a lab dish — using snippets of their own skin.
Meanwhile, a company in England called Intercytex has announced experiments with something called “hair cloning” that may some day do away with the scourge of male pattern baldness.
Concerning the latter development, the AP reported, “Here’s the idea: Extract some cells from the areas of a man’s head that resist balding, put them in a lab dish and expand their numbers by thousands of times. Then inject these new cells back into the scalp.”
Listen up, you people: The Intelligent Designer made you the way you are for a reason — albeit one that only He understands. If He wanted you to have extra blood vessels or more hair, He would have given them to you when He designed you! How dare you and your heathen scientists mess with his creation? That shiny cue ball head is His handiwork, and by gum you’re going to like it.
I note that both of these new discoveries relied on the use of the lab dish. Well, I have a name for those lab dishes: Satan’s playground! We let these crazy “scientists” run amok with their lab dishes and test tubes, and the next thing you know, they’ve given us the atomic bomb!
OK, enough of that. I apologize. I happened to be in an office building this week and was forced to listen to 10 minutes of Rush Limbaugh’s show. A grade-A certifiable moron was sitting in as a substitute host, and he was railing against evolution.
This idiot, whose name I don’t recall, actually said the following: The fact that animals eat one another is evidence for intelligent design. You see, the designer must have made the smaller animals just the right size and strength so that they could be overcome and devoured by larger, stronger animals.
I could only hang my head in despair and wonder just how far I was from the Canadian border.
How does one even begin to respond to such monumental stupidity? What response could there be other than, “You, sir, are a prize horse’s behind. Please have the decency to cease broadcasting at once”?
So, I decided I would pick up a newspaper, read the first two science-related stories I found, and say stupid things about them, linking them to intelligent design. I just wanted to prove to myself that it’s a game anyone can play.
Then I decided to share the results with you. The fact that you have eyeballs and are able to read the screen and see this post is surely further proof of intelligent design. Have you noticed how the computer screen is just at the right eye level, and the type is just large enough that you can read it? You think Bill Gates did that?
Please.
Unless Bill Gates is the Intelligent Designer….